This topic contains 16 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Anderson 9 months ago.
October 15, 2019 at 6:28 pm #775599
I really hope I don’t get judged for this post as I am genuinely looking for some advice/guidance.
I was introduced to this man at a party back in June. He’s 38 I’m 33. We hit it off straight away and went on a succession of dates. Since then not day has passed that we don’t speak to each other and had the ‘exclusive’ talk around a month in.
As the title suggests he is a wealthy man. I work a normal job but I have my own home, own car, own savings. He has very sweetly brought me some very nice gifts, takes me to the best places in town and we have been out of town staying in beautiful hotels etc.
A female colleague asked if he had brought me anything new lately and I was carrying a bag that he brought me last week. She said ‘So this guy is basically your sugar daddy now?’
Totally thrown by the comment I said no not at all why would she say that?? She said because it just seems like a sugar type arrangement. Now I am worried that this is how it seems to people. Although he treats and I guess spoils me I don’t keep my hands in my pockets. On our early dates I always offered to contribute towards to meals, and I have often brought rounds of drinks when we are out and as I travel a lot for work I always bring him back a small local gift from my destination (usually a type of food or drink) it’s nothing but a small gesture and I know he appreciates it and always seems excited.
I don’t know if what I am doing (accepting his generosities) is wrong or not but I know that we enjoy each other’s company so much and we have so much fun together that it’s not an important part of the equation.
Is it just jealousy on my colleagues part or are other people going to start seeing it this way? I don’t see him as a sugar daddy type at all. For a start we are in the same age group and he’s not paying me or rewarding me for my time. I give my time to him because I like him and enjoy being around him.
Maybe there is someone else who has been in a similar situation?October 15, 2019 at 6:33 pm #775600
I meant to add that he has never given me money or offered to support me or anything like that. I don’t need it and would probably have found it weird if he did. He has only ever paid for me in his company and the gifts were all surprises.October 15, 2019 at 6:42 pm #775601
Hi Isabella-I would write the colleague off as likely teasing you. If she wasn’t teasing ,then she sounds envious or frankly,like a bee-atch. I think you are having a nice relationdship/good time with a sweet and generous guy. You know yourself and your motives, which seem to be pure and non-gold digging-so who cares what she or anyone else thinks! Besides if you are dating a “rich guy”-they have lots of choice,lol,so be confident and enjoy!
If she comments rudely again, just walk away or look at her and say”Why would you say that?,because actually our relationship is none of your business”. That should shut her down.October 15, 2019 at 6:47 pm #775602
Your work colleague sounds jealous. It doesn’t sound like a sugar daddy arrangement to me. I think it’s nice you’re dating a man who is generous. He has the means to give you gifts, take you out on nice places, and buy you nice gifts– it’s what a guy who is courting you should be doing. The fact that this guy has more money than most means that he’s able to do more, but he’s still doing what every guy should do (as far as they are financially able, obviously). There are plenty of guys with money who are cheap and wouldn’t do what he’s doing, so just enjoy his generosity and don’t let haters get you down :-)October 15, 2019 at 6:47 pm #775603
sorry I means “give you gifts, take you out to nice places, and take you on trips”. You get the point!October 15, 2019 at 6:47 pm #775604
sorry I meant “give you gifts, take you out to nice places, and take you on trips”. You get the point!October 15, 2019 at 7:05 pm #775605
Yes Liz I get your point lol
I am glad yourself and Peggy see this the way I do. I am just concerned that this colleague is speaking out what others are thinking. Hopefully not :-)October 15, 2019 at 7:26 pm #775606
Again,you know the truth ,so who cares what they think.October 15, 2019 at 7:53 pm #775607
Can I ask how your colleagues know he has money? Is it because of the gifts, or have you specifically mentioned it?
You can’t control what people think, unfortunately. So you should try not to worry about it. Peggy is right, you know your relationship, you know the truth, and you know what your motives are– and you’re not gold-digging.
My only suggestion would be, if you have made comments to co-workers (even casually) about his income, i would put a stop to that. It might come off the wrong way. You might think you’re just sharing a detail about him, but others might interpret it as being overly focused on his money. If he gives you expensive gifts, that’s a bit harder- I don’t think it’s fair for you not to be able to use a nice purse or jewelry he gave you, just because they’re expensive and it might provoke jealous gossip. But maybe try to say as little as possible about the gifts — for example, if someone compliments them, say thank you but don’t get into a conversation about cost or brand.October 15, 2019 at 8:26 pm #775608
I wouldnt worry about a collegues remark. It was either a joke or somewhat spiked with jealousy. Just keep your wits dating this guy and see how it goes. Good luckOctober 15, 2019 at 10:19 pm #775617
It was all only in passing. Haven’t bragged or anything like that. At least I don’t think so. And she doesn’t even know half of it. I’m the kind of person who really only tells if asked and to be honest she’s kinda nosey.
It’s good to get other women’s prospective without having to bring it up or to attention of those who are close to me, so thank you for your responses so far.October 15, 2019 at 10:22 pm #775618
AND sorry for my horrible grammar. Bought NOT Brought!!October 16, 2019 at 10:20 am #775639
This is my take on it. If you haven’t been doing a little bit of bragging about the gifts he was buying you, she wouldn’t have asked ” if he had bought me anything new lately.” Because that means she knows he’s being buying you items before and she wouldn’t know that if you hadn’t been telling her. Not that there is anything wrong with wanting to show off your gifts and how much he’s spoiling you but I’m sure it’s what led to the comment.
To me a sugar daddy arrangement involves a man who is much older (not just 5 years, more like could be your daddy!) paying for things like your rent, your car, your clothes, etc. Taking you on expensive vacations. Not just your normal buying you jewelry or gifts in a relationship. Your relationship doesn’t look that way to me. It seems like you are both buying each other sweet gifts and although yours might be smaller tokens monetarily than his, it’s in line with what you can afford where his gifts are in line with what he can afford.
My only caveat would be if you two were out walking around and shopping and you saw the bag and went on about how much you liked it so he bought it for you. I think there’s a big difference between a man going out and purchasing you a gift on his own vs you seeing something you want when with him knowing full well he would buy it for you if you indicated you liked it. I’ve seen lots of women do that to men. Be out walking around, see a gorgeous coat she would just love to have but it’s too expensive.
And the guy’s like, oh try it on.
Oh it looks so good on you.
Yes I love it but I could never pay that much for something like this.
Well let me get it for you.
Oh no, I just couldn’t.
Then BAM he’s bought her the coat. That’s a little too manipulative for me and would make me think a woman is using a guy for his money or a gold digger type. Not saying this is you, just pointing out a nuance.October 16, 2019 at 3:34 pm #775660
I think he is giving things to you based on his income level. I am sure he enjoys giving you things.
I am a devil with people like this. I would tell her that he just bought me a zoo and that I was looking for some more donkeys for it. Be sure to stare at her when you say it.October 16, 2019 at 4:45 pm #775670
LOL Curley Sue: perfect! Love your idea. The co-worker sounds like a troublemaker type/snoop.October 17, 2019 at 12:24 am #775680
Kaye I see where you are coming from but it was more like she asked me how my date was the first time he’d bought me something, which was our third date and I told her “we had a great time and he came with perfume and chocolates which I thought was sweet” The next few things I didn’t even mention to her but when he bought me an expensive pair of shoes I said OMG can you believe it he got me THOSE shoes,again when she had asked about him and just because it’s not something I’m used to it or would ever be able to afford to buy myself.
Anyway, he doesn’t lavish me with gifts every time we meet and only two (the shoes and the purse) have been extravagant.
Redcurlysue I will try something similar on her next time perhaps!October 17, 2019 at 5:57 pm #775694
Expect to be judged by some people. It’s inevitable. Some women will get jealous in/directly. Some men will get salty and call you a classic gold digger. Even this post could get easily labeled as a humble brag
You can either walk on eggshells about what you should or shouldn’t share with others, and how to do things in the relationship just to prove various things
Or you can use this opportunity to condition yourself to become indifferent about what others think and not be a slave to your reputation.