Could I say I'll only have sex when we're in a relationship?

Hayley, sex is easy to get these days and as much as I would like to believe that the right guy will wait I very much doubt he will.
I think it is more about the connection you have on the first few dates, don’t really listen to what the guys are saying , because they will tell you what you want to hear.
You need to be able to tell the difference between the genuine guy and the guy who isn’t so serious but then again these days I would go into that mindset that if I slept with someone and they ghosted , it wouldn’t bother me because I try not to get too attached for the first few weeks maybe even months.
Unfortunately for some reasons men are not really keen on relationships these days , I think it is all down to social media, dating sites , basically easy access to women. And as sad as it sounds a lot of women have no boundaries.
Don’t see sleeping with someone as a mistake I would say enjoy it and again don’t get too attached and eventually the right guy will come along and even if you sleep with him on a first date, he will stay :)

All I want is connection and hopefully something more than just sex.

I want to tell you I understand the sadness and frustration we can sometimes feel as a woman trying to date to find a long term partner in the current dating culture we live in. It can be very rough. But it’s for that very reason I think the most work you need to do – is with yourself. I adopted a radical self-love program a couple of years ago after feeling a lot like you are now. I have had more peace since, than in my whole life.

Dating is a journey you choose to take with other humans. It’s an acceptance of risk. And it’s an exploration. It includes feelings many emotions – excitement, exhilaration, anticipation, lust, connection – but also insecurity, disappointment, pain. If you look at it that way – and turn off the expectation of anything else – I promise you you’ll eventually feel a ton better. Start dating YOU first and foremost. Get quiet with yourself. Meditate. Work out. Therapy. Read Ask Polly online. Check out mail dating coaches such as Evan Marc Katz. And above all LET GO of any expectations of men in the current climate we live in.

It’s important we as women take our power back by mentally reframing how we look at dating. You have not been used. If you had sex with a guy before he made you his girlfriend – you were a consenting adult. If you were ghosted afterward – it means the guy showed you WHO HE IS. He may even deserve to be sent a thank you card! “Thank you d-bag for showing me irrefutable evidence you’re not the guy for me.” If they choose to break up – or flake off – or give you crumbs, again, that’s INFORMATION you need. I know it’s not what you want to hear but you CAN be happy alone. In fact, it’s vital YOU ARE before meeting a guy. Dating is shiste – until the one comes along you’re meant to be with for a season. Be patient. Resist the urge to riddle out men. Don’t spend energy on tepid men. Take breaks. Get to loving you. Don’t be afraid to feel sad, crappy emotions. Remind yourself gently constantly of your worth. This is the path to happiness.

Absolutely! I tell men that won’t have sex until we are exclusive, both for my physical and emotional health. I won’t sleep with more than one guy at a time and I expect the same from my partner. My current BF respected that and waited almost 2 months for me.

Set that boundary and keep it. Be true to your values

Fwiw, I said that a guy once and he agreed.
He turned out to be married.
When I confronted him, he said “you said I couldn’t date anyone else but you and I didn’t. You never asked if I was married.”
😒 The simple truth is a guy will tell you whatever you want to hear to get what he wants in that moment.

Your journey about self love. Once you achieve that, you will have good boundaries and high standards (without having to think), and will attract someone good for you (like attracts like).

Hi Hayley. Your post struck a cord with me, as I had guys who decided they were no longer interested in me after a few dates in the past because I wasn’t experienced enough for them.

There is no set number of dates, where you have to sleep with someone. You said yourself in an earlier post that you’re looking for a connection and more than just sex. In my opinion if you’re truly looking for a long-term relationship then 3/4 dates is nowhere near long enough to see what a person is really like.

You can absolutely tell the guy you’ll only sleep with them once you’re in an established relationship. At least they know your expectations. If the guy really wants to take the time to get to know you he’ll rise up to meet your expectations. Don’t lower your standards to meet theirs. The ones that run away save you the trouble later on.

Dlw sport,

You’re very lucky, most guys I set boundaries with will disappear cos it seems like I’m not giving them what they want and so they leave and won’t respect my boundaries…I did date a guy who respected my boundaries once but after 8 months I just saw him like a brother.