Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Confidence in being in charge
- This topic has 3 replies and was last updated 4 years, 2 months ago by
Liz Lemon.
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VanillaPixie
Hi,
Wondered if anyone had any advice please. Im 33 and I have been with my partner for almost two years. He’s only my second partner. Previously sex for me was something I could take or leave (more often than not it was left). Now sex is great and something I enjoy/look forward to. I have a man I can trust and there is much more to our relationship than just sex. It’s still new and we are still in that honeymoon period, taking the relationship at glacial pace as both been hurt by bitter breakups.
We are fairly experimental in the bedroom, he calls me dirty but I’m pretty sure I fairly vanilla. I’m up for trying most things once (don’t know if you don’t like it if you don’t try it!)
My question is how do I stop my lack of confidence from ruining it. He asks me on occasion to take charge, tell him what I want etc. I can’t. I can take charge in spoiling him with attention but I have real trouble asking for what I want. That doesn’t mean he wont anyway but I find being in charge or asking/telling what I want really daunting. The fear of getting it wrong and letting him down is immense. I’ve spoken to him about this and he reassures me that it doesn’t bother him, he wants me to be comfortable and would never hold anything like that against me. It’s still bothering me though. I want to be able to take charge and feel good about it. I want to be able to ask for what I want without feeling awkward (he wouldn’t make me feel that way, it’s me).
Apologies for the length of this. Thank you for readingBetter off single
Well you can tell him all you want is to please him and how can you make it more enjoyable for him?
Hit up a porn store for ideas?
Watch porn for ideas?
Ask a girlfriend about some dirty girl tricks?
Better off single
Sex is supposed tp be fun and experimental and if he really likes you he wont care if you don’t do it perfectly. you need to have the ability to laugh at yourself.
Liz Lemon
A lot of guys find it really hot when the woman takes charge. My boyfriend does and it sounds like yours does too. It doesn’t even matter what I’m asking, it’s just the fact that I’m taking control and telling him what to do and what I want, that turns him on immensely.
Try to change your frame of thinking. Don’t worry so much about what it is exactly that you’re asking. Just know that the fact that you’re taking control is getting him hot. Does that make sense? When I take charge with my boyfriend, I don’t even worry about what it is I’m asking. I don’t overthink, I just do it. Because I know whatever I say, he’ll do, he’s just turned on by my assertiveness. You can’t “get it wrong”. Just take charge, do whatever you feel without thinking about it too hard. I bet once you do it a few times you’ll get more comfortable with it, because you’ll see the effect it has on him.
And watching porn is not a bad idea, it works well for me. I’ve watched porn by myself and it’s turned me on and given me ideas, which I’ve taken into the bedroom and told my boyfriend to do, and he loves it.
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