Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Can I salvage this?
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Not the real lily Collins.
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Liz
So I met a guy online two weeks ago. Hit it off really well and he asked me out that Sunday. We went to a nice dinner and before the date was over he asked when he could see me again. I mentioned we could meet this past Sunday. He started a new job the Monday the day after he took me out. We texted throughout the whole week but it wasn’t as flirty as before but I chalked it up to him being overwhelmed starting his new job.
This past Sunday I still hadn’t heard of any plans for a date but he reached out in the early afternoon. I told him I was a little confused as I thought we were going out and he said he that we could but we probably should have made plans really Wednesday/Thursday.
At that point I was a little confused and thought he lost interested and call him out on it and he said the only thing that had changed was him working more at this new job. I asked to talk on the phone and he said he would call later that evening and never did.
It’s now been 3 days and I can see I overreacted as we were talking every day and I should have been considerate knowing he had just started a new job. Looking back at the texts there was no inclination that interest was lost but only that we didn’t plan a date. I’ve been trying to keep it cool and wait for him to reach out but I’m afraid I blew my chance. Can I savage this anyway??
Anon
Yes you seemed to be making assumptions as to why he didn’t solidify plans for Sunday but it seems like plans may have been a “maybe” not a definite plan. You started to become less fun and flirty and kind of judgemental asking him to call to discuss this further which was a bit too much serious too soon, which turned him off. Let it go and he may come back, but if you contact again it will be an absolute no. A new job is a big deal and that’s all he was thinking about all week.
Vera
Anyways what’s done is done .
You shouldn’t do anything else and quite frankly you should try your best to not think about him (I know , easier said than done!!)Tallspicy
You lost nothing here. Here is why:
A. He either did not make it clear that your date was a maybe and then kept texting with no clear date in mind
B. Was not great in planning the Sunday get togetherBoth show minimal interest. Only interact without clear plans for a week and then pull way way way back.
T from NY
A woman’s energy is supposed to be receiving. You also are always better off and reach clarity regarding how a man feels about you and what his attentions are sooner when you mirror a mans actions. Then, as times passes, if you do not like the mans behavior, or you feel they are not investing in the way you want him to, you get to choose if you wish to continue the interactions. I’ve heard the term – called him out on it – several times on this forum. The only time such a thing should be done is if you find out a man is overtly lying to your face, cheating, etc and there is a long history between you. The first several months calling a guy out on anything almost never elicits a positive result and just pushes the man away. A woman’s job is to A) do nothing but live her wonderful life B) watch and observe a mans actions C) receive a man warmly if she likes him. D) after a few months have passed assess if the man is someone worthy of her and if he has invested sufficiently and make a decision if she wants to go forward. Rinse and repeat.
Sam
100% what T from NY said. These posts make me feel so sad.. please please please stop chasing men. If they don’t want to be there in the first place, then they do not deserve your attention.
Lane
He is not your BF! He is under no legal or moral obligation to take you out on a date, period. If the man doesn’t call and set one up, then he has every right not to do so. He is a single man who gets to do what he wants, when he wants, anytime he wants, with whomever he wants. His new job is his priority, as it should be, its what pays the bills and allows him to go on dates when he’s able to do so.
Dating is not a priority in most people’s lives but earning an income is. You are just someone he chatted with for a little bit as I’m sure he’s chatting with others too because he’s a single man and allowed to do so. You need to learn that one has to EARN their position in another’s life, over a good period of time before they become a priority. You fall under ‘laundry’ on the priority scale based on his need to have clean clothes for work v. going on a date to put it into perspective for you.
To put it bluntly, you are waaaaay too bossy, controlling and needy! Calling a man out because he didn’t set up a date with you is not how you date. You only date men who make plans (day, time and place) and stop talking to those who irk you so much. You really need to burn this in your memory: “No man is obligated to take me out on a date.” If one does, great, if not its OK…NEXT!” This should become your dating mantra.
Chill out. Lean back and let the man take the lead only when he’s in a position, ready, or wants to do so. If he doesn’t, then you drop him off your radar and only meet those who do make plans (on your radar)—Easy Peasy.
Tallspicy
To avoid this next time: When a man says he wants to see you again, you respond with “I would love that”. Then if he says asks when, you say Sunday. If he does not ask when on the date, you simply let him call you in a day or two and ask when.
ara
why not just text him that you overreacted and you are sorry? be honest, he either accepts that or doesn’t
communication doesnt have to be so puzzling
Not the real lily Collins
It’s only been 2-3 weeks, try and focus on having fun and enjoying yourself instead of controlling when and what he should do on dates.
Nobody knows why he didn’t plan the Sunday date. He could had been busy with his new job or interest level was low from the first date. Either way, do nothing. Guys want to feel like they still have their ‘freedom’ and space at the initial stages. If the vibe you’re giving is intense then he’ll probably run away.
Let him come to you.
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