Can Do Better????

if a man is telling you can do better , you go and do better. This is a red flag and after a year it is a sign that this relationship has no future.
he is basically telling you he is not the man for you, while trying to make you think you are the problem…

It is a huge red flag when a man tells you you can do better, unfortunately. It sounds like he is in a depression about the court battle, but that doesn’t make it only “temporary.” He thinks he isn’t good enough for you because he feels so insecure about himself, and that insecurity is a much bigger problem that you can’t do anything about. He may have really wanted to be ready for his next relationship after his ex, to be with you, but now that he’s in deep while still also in court, he’s realizing he’s overwhelmed, feels bad about himself, and can’t be a good partner like you deserve after all.

I don’t think this is about him not wanting to move due to anything you did, and I doubt he wants an excuse to cheat. (If he cheats, it is going to be out of his own insecurity so he can sabotage things with you and be alone like he feels he deserves, which is no excuse to make such poor and hurtful choices!) If this relationship is going to go the distance, though, he’s going to need to show you he’s getting some help for his issues, insecurity, depression, whatever. If he sits and wallows instead and lets the overwhelm get the better of him, your relationship won’t be able to bounce back. But again, it is his decision to choose to do his best and take some initiative, you can’t fix it for him.

Also, insecure men who do this sometimes get better but then quickly dump the woman they were with who was supportive. They feel like a woman willing to put up with them at their worst must be low value and don’t want to be reminded of a time they felt bad about themselves anyway.

The best thing to do is probably talk to him about what YOU want and where he’s at, but prepare for the worst because he sounds like he’d rather feel bad about himself than build himself up. And remember, YOU didn’t ruin and are not ruining anything. He’s the one who may not be ready to deal with his issues. You didn’t do anything wrong.

It does sound like you both have your own issues that have nothing to do with each other. If he has a plan to try to handle his half, maybe you should do the same for your half. Coming out of the relationship you describe with your ex can be very traumatic. Dating again with that much insecurity and distrust of the other person can be draining for you both. It’s totally normal to feel all that after what you’ve been through, but did you talk to a therapist or get any kind of help to heal after the breakup? If not, tell him you’re going to talk to someone because you know he’s going through a lot and don’t want to take your fears out on him to add to it. However, I’m not suggesting you take on more blame than is actually your half. He may still have struggles that make him not ready for a relationship, even if you do go deal with your own insecurities. Things may still not work out, and that’s okay. But discussing waiting for the discard is you very much projecting you past relationship and hurt onto the current situation. If your current guy is not a narcissistic but the ex really was, you’re not being fair expecting current guy to repeat the behavior of the past if he’s given you no indication he’s that way. They are two completely different people from each other.

I don’t know if this relationship will work out, but there’s still a chance if you’re both serious about helping yourselves. I think he maybe won’t be in a good place to do it since he’s already said he’s not enough, but if he’s really taking actions to try, then the best you can do is tell him you still want to see if there’s a chance to work out your relationship and you’re going to get help for yourself, and see what he says. And then DO IT, follow up and talk to a professional, for yourself not him and even if things don’t work out between you and him.