Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Boyfriend told his fling that he hated me
- This topic has 18 replies and was last updated 4 years, 1 month ago by
Newbie.
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Oatel
My boyfriend of 4 years is also the father of my two children .
We took a break because we both had trust issues while i was pregnant with the most recent child. He did admit he had a fling with a woman for four months while i was pregnant, but i couldn’t be too mad because we were I’m not together. But since we’ve been back together I’ve caught him checking up on this girl every day. He texts her and asks her about her day like clock work every day.
He called her gorgeous through some text messages. I also saw him asking to come see her and asking could they FaceTime. He told her he loved her too. I saw one text where he told her he hated me and hoped he didn’t see me while they went out
But this is a 4 month fling he claimed
TL:DR; caught text from boyfriend being close with fling he had while we was on break
Newbie
Are you the same as esmee and her one month relationship after they never met? Seeing the weird similar ending of the post. But anyway if you really need a bunch of strangers to tell you to quit this and go have a better live for yourself, you are not doing yourself any favours so far at all. Why do women put up with this? Maybe if you can explain that to me and avoid saying ‘but i love him’
Oatel
No this is my first post here. And maybe he is joking with her … I’m confused my boyfriend is with me all of the time and begs to spend time and do things with me so how could he even lie to this woman like that
Newbie
Whats your question? You seem to have no issues with this fine specimen of a man
Tallspicy
Lying to which woman, honey? Think it is you. Or both of you, but not just her.
Tallspicy
The fact that you are even having to think about this makes me sad for you in that where is your self esteem and value.
Andrea
Time to cut your losses and move on. Get on reliable birth control and file for child support.
Ames
How are you seeing all of their communication? If hes joking then I guess he doesn’t have a very good sense of humor. Or integrity or any valuable trait from what it sounds like. Let her have him Im sure itll be happily never after. Sorry you are dealing with this but cut him loose and focus on your children!
Oatel
He used my phone for Facebook and i saw some messages. It looks like she’s backing off and he’s still trying to check up on her … confused about the whole thing
Tallspicy
What are you confused about? Your SO is checking in with another women every day and trying to see her. He is also badmouthing you to her. There is nothing confusing here, except that you like the willful ignorance. Thank god she seems like a good person if she is rebuffing his efforts, she has more self esteem. Please get rid of this loser and get a lawyer.
Lane
Is this the kind of man you want your children emulating? Seriously, no wonder so many kids are screwed up and screwing around because they have parents teaching them crappy behaviors!
You have a DUTY to make sure your kids have the best father. If he isn’t capable of staying with you and is doing this in the open now then he IS going to leave you, not with her but probably his next fling. I would show that man the door and tell him that if he can’t be committed to you and the family then he’s free to leave and go find his *Simone* (watch the movie).
This man is ruining your self-worth, self-esteem and self-respect. Trust me, a man who does not *respect* his woman is going to leave her the moment a self-respecting woman (like his fling) comes around. He has zero respect for you and until you start respecting yourself and set some strong boundaries that you aren’t going to take his bullcrap anymore, and mean it, this man is not going to stick around for long.
kaye
Let me get this straight…you had trust issues while you were pregnant so you take a break and he PROVES your trust issues were correct by having a fling with a woman for 4 months WHILE you were pregnant!! Now, he’s still checking up on her every day, wanting to see her, asks how her day is going?
Let me ask you…did he check up with you every day you were broken up? Ask how the mother of his child was doing? Want to see you? If the answer is no to those questions I know you know what to do. You are just scared to do it because you have a new baby and another child with him. If YOUR man is telling another woman he loves her when he’s supposed to be back in a committed relationship with you then he’s not YOUR man is he?
Oatel
How is he not mines he begged for me back and begged for a family so isn’t she the rebound
Tallspicy
No. She is not. Get some dignity woman. Is it ok to you that he has a rebound/side chick/whatever that he is actively pursuing?
He actions and words do not match, which means for any self respecting person, he is out.
kaye
He’s been with you for 4 years, had 2 kids with you and has yet to put a ring on it! And he’s actively pursuing another woman like Tallspicy says. Have you told him what you saw? I would think at a MINIMUM for the two of you to get back together you would expect him to stop all contact with his fling. He hasn’t done that. He may have begged for you back but he’s telling her he loves her and wanting to see her.
Newbie
Is he acting like a husband, a father and a provider? Does he take responsibility in taking care of his family? Do you and he have plans about how to raise your kids and are acting on it? By saving for example. To me he sounds like a baby daddy who likes to keep his options open while he has a family on the side. And you just want some reinsurance here about him, so im sure he will get and keep what he wants.
Oatel
He proposed to me after we had our first child. He takes care of both of our children.
But then when i see messages of him literally telling this other woman he wants to get her pregnant and telling her he loves her makes me confused
Raven
This guy is a piece of work!
This confuses You?
“telling this other woman he wants to get her pregnant and telling her he loves her”Newbie
Clearly you want to stay in denial and confused. If you just got your second child i do understand. You may not see good paths for you to walk now. And too bad there are many women who chose to ignore their straying husbands ways and stay for the kids or because they feel they dont deserve better deep down. My dad was a sex addict and cheater and wh/ore client. When i was around 12 i started to realize that and i can tell you it didnt feel good or safe at all. So my perspective on men got broken very early on and my mom died as an alcoholic. Sad, broken and feeling unloved. I dont know you, but i do believe everybody can make a living for themselves when determined. Maybe with some help. If this man is not abusive, you can take some time. But in the end i hope you will chose yourself and your children.
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