Boyfriend says I'm boring in bed. What do I do?

So… He’s blaming you for his “short” comings…

Thank you everyone.

My birthday was actually ok. I had a nice breakfast with friends and family and a few drinks with them at a bar for lunch. My partner and I had planned a nice dinner for 2 around a month ago and instead of having a nice night out, my boyfriend ended up getting highly intoxicated (he very rarely drinks, so that made it all the better) prior to our dinner reservation and once we arrived at the restaurant, all he did was talk about going home to bed so he could sleep.

I’d also dressed up in some very nice lingerie and brought some candles and massage oil in the hopes that something may potentially happen. Of course that would be me expecting too much. Instead, when I was visibly upset the next morning over how the nights events had occurred, I got told that I was being selfish and didn’t have an understanding cell in my body. Needless to say, I’m rather over being made to feel like shit. Especially when I think I had a perfectly valid reason for it.

I’ve spent the last few days telling myself that I definitely deserve to be with someone that knows how to treat a woman the way she should be and I know the way that I’m being treated now is not how it should. It’s just hard to actually take the step and end it. I know I’ll be a miserable mess of a person once I do.

Thank you all for your advice, it has been a relief and also very comforting to hear your stories and see that I’m not the only one to blame. I will take your words of wisdom and try my hardest to take that initial step. Thanks again.

Do get ready emotionally and practically, pick up your things from his place, make sure he can’t do anything to hurt you, and then end it. Do not delay for too long. Your self-esteem and state of mind are affected each time, it takes a long time to heal from emotional abuse, so don’t drag it.

You will be miserable but not for long, 2-3 weeks, but then you will feel good. You will be glad you got out of this situation.

And then you will find a guy who will appreciate your feminine physique, will enjoy it and give you the right attention and won’t have problems with having sex, time and time again.

I’m sorry that you are going through this. I can’t stand reading how badly he is treating you. I hope the final straw for you was him ruining your birthday dinner and then blaming you for not being understanding. Everything will always be your fault in some way with this guy.

Another thing you may want to consider is why you are attracted to this type of man and why you would stay with him after knowing his actions are abusive. When you gain the courage to leave this man and start to heal, start to work on yourself and figure out how to not get into relationships with the same type of man again.

This was an interesting read considering I’m going through a similar situation as Jane. My boyfriend randomly brought up how boring our sex life was. It’s his second time mentioning it. This time around, I was very emotional and asked what I could do better. He further mentioned that I always tell him not to touch me (which is true) when we are together. As silly as this sounds, I don’t really mean it all the time. I’ve just become so use to saying it that I don’t really notice it. He said he expects me to take charge sometimes in bed and touch him to show my affection. I had to sit back and think and he’s actually right. I think I’m ‘boring’ / have a low sex drive or something. I feel loose sometimes and I feel as if he doesn’t enjoy our sex. For the most part I’m not connecting when him because I’m just thinking about how loose it feels. He’s a very honest and straightforward person hence his ability to not beat around the bush on ANY topic. He says he enjoys sex with me but I don’t feel the same. I’ve gained weight but he still appreciate me and makes me feel good. He’s made it clear that he loves me and wants me to try to spark things up. I want the same but I’m just not confident in bed due to my looseness I feel from time to time. Would you say I’m the problem in this case?