Boyfriend of 3 months doesn’t properly ask me out. Is it normal?


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This topic contains 5 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Kalyn 2 weeks, 6 days ago.

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  • #777940 Reply

    Asayi

    We’ve been together since 3 months (so new relationship) and every time he comes up with a date idea, I always have to be the one to ask ‘That’s a great idea! When and where?’ and it’s getting really frustrating.

    The last time he asked me out, it was Friday evening at the last minute to grab dinner and I told him that it’s a sweet idea, but I couldn’t go (which was true, but I also didn’t want him to get used to asking me out at the last minute, especially at this moment in my life where I’m getting ready for the biggest exam of my life). I asked him if we could do that next week and he said yes. So I told him to let me know when and where and Sunday, he said that his only day off is next Sunday (so the coming Sunday) and I said I was free too, but he didn’t proceed to tell me to hour and where. So we don’t have a date.

    He did text me about other stuff, but we’re Wednesday and he still hasn’t confirmed a place and an hour.

    Is it a normal behavior in a relationship? He does tell me that he misses me, but I find it hard to believe when deep down, I know that a man who misses a woman (his girlfriend) makes sure he can see her and does the effort to plan the date.

    Anyways, he’s great in other area (he’s a gentleman, he cares about me, he pays for 95% of our dates), but I don’t know how to bring the fact that I hate it when it takes him ages to plan a date.

    I shouldn’t bring up our coming date, right? Since I already told him to let me know when and where. What deadline should I give him before refusing to see me (knowing that after Sunday, I wouldn’t be free before mid December to see him because of my exam).

    Thanks

    #777945 Reply

    Newbie

    I think youre taking this letting the man lead to show you he is interested a bit too literal. It sounds more he is not that much of a planner. Why cant you talk to him about this? Tell him you are busy with exams and like to know a date and time in advance instead of playing the game youre not available. He is your bf now and this is where you get to know him better. If his lazy planning style annoys you, tell him that. But in a nice way

    #777946 Reply

    Asayi

    Unfortunately, it’s not playing games of being busy.. I really am busy studying (so it adds a stress to me to not know what are our next plans and how I can manage my schedule to study AND see people that are important for me, including him).

    You’re right though I might take the lead thing too seriously/literal.

    So you advise that I should text him today about our next date even though I already told him to let me know? I don’t want to sound like a nagg

    #777947 Reply

    Newbie

    You Have a date planned sunday so yes you can ask what time he is thinking about and where to meet.
    I would adres your issues then on sunday. Saying youre busy and like to make time for him, but he needs to be more clear on plans

    #777948 Reply

    kaye

    I agree with Newbie. The whole not having plans unless you have a formal place and time “rule” is for a new relationship, not once a guy is your boyfriend! If your boyfriend tells you he’s free next Sunday and wants to see you then you absolutely have a date. He shouldn’t have to give you a place and an hour, that’s incredibly rigid. If you have other things going on that day then simply ask him what the plans are for the day. I mean are you two going to be hanging out all day, doing lunch, going to a movie or maybe not seeing each other until dinner? I can understand you want to know specifics but when my husband and I first started dating he would just say things like let’s grab dinner Friday night. I would say sounds great and not expecting him to have a place or a time picked out. It’s not like we were making reservations every time we went out or something! He was working so much he would usually just give me an hour’s notice as to when he was leaving work and would be at my place. Then we would decide where we wanted to go eat from there.

    Unless I was having to meet him somewhere we never had a formal place and time set. Also I had my kids every other weekend so it was always assumed on the weekends they were with their dad he and I would be doing something. It was only discussed early in the week if we couldn’t meet for some reason because one of us had other plans. The expectation was always we would be seeing each other. But we weren’t trying to decide a week in advance where we wanted to eat or what time. Do you two have a long distance relationship to where you have to meet him for dates somewhere mid way or something? Otherwise I can see this urgency as to place and time.

    #777950 Reply

    Kalyn

    I’m guessing that in his mind, he DID make plans with you by telling you what day he was available. If you asked, I’ll bet that he believes you have plans for Sunday, is happy and content about that, and would be surprised to learn you don’t think you actually have plans. My boyfriend is a little like this too and we just had to have a discussion about the differences in our communication style and the way that we plan things. I’ve relaxed on my “need to know” and he’s been great about providing details of plans in a reasonable amount of time.

    If you really need to know right now, just ask him what time he was wanting to get together on Sunday (do NOT ask, “Are we going to get together on Sunday?”). If you don’t need to know right this second, wait a couple of days and just be happy about your upcoming date. If you ask and he truly doesn’t know yet what time he’s free, just tell him that you have to schedule study/work/whatever time so you would be most appreciative if he could let you know as soon as he knows…and then say you can’t wait to see him on Sunday. If he gives you the specifics early, give him a genuine “Thank You!” for it.

    Some people are just less concerned about the fine details, so long as they know you have a plan to see each other. I am not one of those people and it doesn’t sound like you are either which is fine, as long as you can find a way to compromise with your boyfriend on this difference in behavior. Also, while it seems that you truly are very busy, make sure your need to know every detail about the date way in advance isn’t about insecurity or a need to control the situation (neither of which is feminine or productive). Relax a little and if it continues to be an issue, just have a very NON-critical conversation about your thoughts, and ask him what he thinks.

    Have fun on Sunday! :-)

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