This topic contains 22 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Kathy 5 days, 7 hours ago.
April 24, 2018 at 4:04 pm #698817
So my boyfriend went on vacation to South America with two of his friends. He told me a week before he left that he was thinking of traveling and was trying to get a travel visa. 3 days before the trip while talking on the phone (we live in different States) he confirmed that he was definitely taking the trip. I told him to enjoy his vacation but to please let me know when he arrived by calling me/ texting me using WhatsApp. That’s all.
He was in South American for a week, no text/ no call.
What I find really irritating and have me feeling really hurt is that he was on facebook throughout his trip making posts.
He claimed he didn’t initially have wifi, and eventually got caught up in the celebration and forgot about contacting me.
I feel his actions show a high degree of inconsideration and lack of care.
Am I wrong to feel this hurt?April 24, 2018 at 4:07 pm #698818
If you specifically asked him to contact you when he arrived and he didn’t, yes, I would say that is inconsiderate.
I get being in a little less contact while on a trip, but you asked him to let you know he’d arrived and he just didnt’ do it.
I’d be upset too.
How is the relationship otherwise?April 24, 2018 at 4:21 pm #698823
Not to sound cliche, but its overall very complicated.April 24, 2018 at 5:52 pm #698846
If he was otherwise the super attentive boyfriend from heaven who just made a mistake then I would said potentially just let him know you felt very worried not hearing from him and to please not do it again next time. For a good guy, that would be all he would need– to hear it once, politely, without a lot of emotion, and he’d make sure not to worry you again.
Do you think you can have that kind of conversation with him and have it go well?
I don’t know what “complicated” means, but combined with this, doens’t sound too promising.April 24, 2018 at 7:19 pm #698866
If it was me, I’d be quite pissed. LOL Quite. If he could FB then he could let you know.
Many men do what we allow them, they push your boundaries and test you. He’d need to find a woman who’d take this kinda crap. Are you the one? LOLApril 24, 2018 at 7:25 pm #698869
I agree. Women checking in is second nature. Men check in only if there was a problem and they have a story to tell. Otherwise they assume that you assume they’re fine.
That said, I’m not sure what you’re upset about. Did he not check in? Or did he check in but then went quiet with you once on the trip?April 24, 2018 at 8:27 pm #698883
Men usually do not check in. Women check in. I understand you see it as caring and he probably sees it as unnecessary.
Get it?April 25, 2018 at 7:01 am #698908
Lol my bf would be really pissed if I didn’t tell him I landed safely. He would also want me to keep in touch at leary a minimum when I’m on holiday, as he touched base with me throughout his trips. Even if I go out at night, he wants me to text to tell him I got home safe so he knows I’m safe.
I don’t think telling your so you land or expecting they tell you they land is a ‘woman’ thing.
They are already long distance, not touching base means there is no relationship at all. Because he won’t be returning to her after, he’ll be returning to his state, where she isn’t.
Seriously sometimes people here find problems with the most basic common decency things.
I think your relationship is probably not so good and the fact he didn’t talk to you at all even if you asked specifically says a lot.
In a good relationship, a man won’t feel coddled when the gf asks ‘let me know when you land safely’. That’s only a problem when there’s already sth fundamentally wrong in how you communicate and relate to each other or if you’ve shown any clingy behaviour before. Or if he’s a commitment phobe.
Anyway,i think sth is up. Especially of you call it ‘complicated’. Usually means ‘should have broken up months ago but keep unhealthily attached’.April 25, 2018 at 7:32 am #698911
Also – I love your definition of complicated!
👍🏻😁April 25, 2018 at 7:32 am #698912
@AlgoApril 25, 2018 at 10:05 am #698926
When I or my BF travel, we always send a quick text to let the other know we’ve arrived safely. We voluntarily call each other every day, unless it’s a business trip and there is just no time. Then there is at least a text or an email. I don’t think that your asking him to let you know he landed safely was at all unreasonable or Mommy-like. He had wifi enough to post on FB so that means he could have emailed or PM’d you. “Caught up in the celebrations” for a week… um, nope. He’s sent you a clear message that he is not that into you. What are you going to do about it?April 25, 2018 at 3:12 pm #698966
@ GS- Funny you should say that, but I can bet we check in with his Aunt.
@ EMMA- NO, I’m not the kind of girl who would put up with BS
@ Jackie he never called or text until he got back in the country.April 25, 2018 at 3:20 pm #698967
@ Redcurlysue No, I don’t get it, because he is the kind of guy that will not travel without informing his Aunt and when he is at his destination he will contact her and inform her that he is safe.
I know, since he did this when we travel to the Caribbean.April 25, 2018 at 3:41 pm #698971
To me, it’s not an issue of whether or not a man is normally *inclined* to check in (though the caring ones usually would contact you over the course of a week long vacation– if they’ve got time to FB they have time to check in!). But that fact that you asked him and he flat out ignored your request. Who cares if he normally thinks that’s important or not– he’s entitled to have a view on that I suppose, but if its’ important enough to her that she requested it, it would take literally 2 mins to do so. he can’t do that? I dunno, I just think its thoughtless and rude. We always tell women not to expect a man to be a mind reader– but I firmly believe that a man who loves you and is invested will make every effort to meet what was a VERY responsbile request. You weren’t asking for constant check ins or phone calls!April 25, 2018 at 3:42 pm #698973
reasonable, not responsible, sorry.
Seriously, if he can’t do a small thing like that, he’s not ready for a committed relationshipApril 25, 2018 at 3:47 pm #698974
I mentioned that our relationship is complicated because we have only been back together for 10 months after we broke off our relationship.
@ Algo, whether our relationship is worth working on or just letting go is a difficult decision. Since we have been back together we have made real progress in fixing our previous issues, part of which included living so far from each other. We still live in different States but the difference is now only 2.5hr driving distance.
But then if both partners are not putting in equal effort in a relationship is it worth it?
This incident just put a big dent in my confidence that we are making “progress”.
But I have gotten to the point where saying you love someone is not enough and sorries are running out.
so @ Fiona, I’m not sure I’m getting a clear msg because from my side the water tends to be very murky. I’m not clingy, far from it and maybe that’s part of the problem because as an independent woman, I feel I should be treated a certain way but relationships require compromise…. but when enough is enough.April 25, 2018 at 3:50 pm #698975
@ Ali that my thoughts exactly, he is not ready for a committed relationshipApril 25, 2018 at 6:36 pm #699002
@Algo – “Seriously sometimes people here find problems with the most basic common decency things.”
How on earth is it “normal”? To go on vacation and zippo, not a word for a WEEK? how can it be normal? When someone say “guys do not check in” I wonder if they ever lived or had a guy. What guys do not check it? Only some rude dorks. Most other guys do check in and ask you to check in and would be worried if you didn’t.April 25, 2018 at 7:39 pm #699015
I agree that a man who Is in love and:or committed to a woman would male darn sure she knew he was OK and also want to include her on his ventures, such “hey babe, went to (place) and it was awesome, wish I could hav experiences it with you! “
If my BF did this to me h would stop being
My boyfriend! I understand when overseas t can be difficult to commissate based on rates (can be outrageous for a 10 minute phon call) and internet connection but I he was now to post on FB then he could have used messenger to keep you in the loop. I would be an iunhappy camper too!April 25, 2018 at 7:40 pm #699016
Darn phone…sorry for typos, it’s
Possessed lolApril 25, 2018 at 8:57 pm #699027
I agree with Lane. He communicated very clearly with that completely disrespectful and dismissive behavior. He would no longer be my boyfriend either.April 8, 2021 at 12:03 am #854798
Hi Julianna my boyfriend did the same thing went for 14-days with a family member and said he would call me the minute he arrived. The trip was based on a relative who was getting surgery to done to where his presence was needed. I waited 3-days just to give him enough time to settle down and relaxed. As I thought he would pick up and never did at all…I called, called and called! So I stopped and said forget it. I left text messages pertaining to how I felt…still no response. So the funny thing he came back on 3/24 as I thought and called me the day after 3 o’clock to let me know he made it back! He continued calling me the next few days etc. I thought well why is it so important to let me know you are in town..but couldn’t pick up the phone during the trip. I felt so lost, like what happened??? It was a crazy experience for me.April 8, 2021 at 11:22 am #855027
Three year old post! How do people find these posts?!