Boyfriend doesn't know how to comfort me?

You push him away and to him that is a CLEAR signal to leave you alone. Do not do that. If he offers jump at it.

You are giving MIXED signals to a man. You need to be clear…not considerate. If you want him over say so. If you want a hug, say so. If you keep pushing him away or not asking for what you want you are in the wrong here. Men think you mean what you say…nothing hidden.

Get up the guts to tell him straight what you need. NO ONE is a mind reader.

Just clear the things with him. Is he really loves you or not? I don’t know his nature but it seems like he does not care you.

I agree with Jackie. You don’t need someone to take care of yourself. Be brave, stop crying and begging attention from someone.

Ooft this guy has a ton of patience. I have a seven year old daughter that cries less than you by the sounds of it. Youre a grown up, you should not be crying and acting like a baby. Put the shoe on the other foot, how would you feel around a friend that acted like this ? Very unattractive and stop with the dropping hints as the others are saying, if you want him over, tell him. Poor guy cannot win with you. If you are struggling from anxiety or depression related issues then get to the doctor to sort that out. It is not this guys job to sort out your life for you, only you can do that. Honestly If I was dating you I would not be able to handle this either. Its really not fun for this guy and he will only put up with this for so long before he has had enough. Get to the doctor and sort yourself out. Babies cry, girlfriends laugh and have fun. x

You’re asking way too much. You expect him to be psychic. How is anyone supposed to know you want to see them when you have told them you don’t?

You need to fix your mental health problems. He can’t do that for you. It has to come from you. His job is to be your partner, not your parent or your support worker. There isn’t anything he can magically say to make you feel better.

If you don’t address your issues, there’s a high chance he will get sick of all the crying and high expectations. Men leave women they can’t make happy. They give up and can’t deal with the drama.

Try to get yourself fixed and learn to be more independent. It can’t be fun living your life anxious and crying.

Part of transitioning into becoming a healthy adult is becoming responsible for yourself. That includes every aspect of your life – emotional, physical, mental, financial, spiritual, etc. You are now the boss of you.

This is a life lesson best learned at a young age in life, thus years of suffering will be the result of not understanding this principle. NO One is responsible for your happiness except you. When you aren’t happy it is solely your responsibility to figure out what is going on and find a solution. That includes finding ways to sooth yourself and self care, asking for help when needed (and if you don’t get what you want or need, finding another resource) and/or getting professional help when needed.

My personal opinion, I would recommend a counselor over a doctor to start with. Is your depression and crying coming from issues and lack of healthy coping mechanism? Or is it a chemical imbalance based on diet, hormone or endocrine issues? A counselor may be able to sort through that first. However, either route you choose, I do agree with the rest of the advice, if you can’t get a grip on your own get professional help.

Your problems have nothing to do with your boyfriend.

Thank you for all the replies. This is my first relationship and I am very lost on everything and I don’t have anyone to turn to for advice (I have an older sister but she has never been in a relationship and most of my friends are the same or only been in short relationships).

I will back off on relying on him so much, he and I both suffer from similar things, but he tends to be fine after I cheer him up. He is a wonderful guy and I know he has the patience and love for me that will be hard to find in someone else, I think I am really lucky he is my first boyfriend.

Again, thank you for all the replies, I will see if I can find someone else to turn to, whether its medicial or school counselors! :)

Sweetheart, a one point in life we all need to grow up. You are 20 but acting like a little toddler. LOL

You can’t expect a man to constantly attend to your every whim or emotion. You do need to control it and keep it to yourself or call your GFs or your mummy. Do not make your guy your therapist, this will kill your relationship, you’d become a burden.

Men do want to respect a woman too, so if you cry all the time over things that are not very serious (sorry! but no one died or got sick), he is not going to respect you.

You need to start to learn how to control your emotions, how not to indulge into every impulse to be sad or cry

I agree with others that you need to check your hormones, maybe your BC pill is making it worse for you.

However if you cry about something important SOMETIMES and he does not try to console you, this is not right. Your BF should support you.

EXACTLY!
He’s not your therapist… He’s your BF!

Hi aykl,
Sorry you are so very often deeply sad and tearful.
Of course, your boyfriend has no idea how to help you, he has so little experience and mental health issues can bewilder much older family and friends who feel at a loss as to what to do. He probably asked about your story of being home alone because he wants to try and understand – he couldn’t know that this would make you feel even more upset. I am guessing that you need to talk about this incident and its place in your life within the safety of a therapeutic setting.
Please follow up on your plan to find professional support.
Good luck

Hey!
Let’s revive this thread again in another 6 months 😐

I’m with the people who want her to grow up. This is good for her. Crying, worrying, overthinking is extremely exhausted. If something bad has happened to you, let cry it out loud for once, twice or maybe a whole month then get over it and moving forward with your life. Give yourself a good energy also for the people who are with you the good energy to be with you too. Life is short, bad things happen to everyone, if everyone will be crying over and over then there’s no happiness anymore. I would be there to comfort my partner, my friends, my family throughout the tough time but if they keep doing it and keep seeking for attentions over the same problems they need to be left alone or need some honest advice to let them know what they’re doing is not healthy at all. Her post makes me really exhausted just by reading it. You need to go out, do something that makes you forget about what makes you worried, sad. Ask your boyfriend to go out with you, going to the movies, gym, shopping etc. being around with people, doing more things will give you more confidence. Sooner or later you will feel that you don’t need to rely on anyone to make you feel happy, secured except yourself

I was very concerned with all the comments until Mary’s above. I don’t believe it is your partner’s job to fix you, but I do think it is your partner’s job to support you and try to understand you; just as you would expect from family or close friends. I think you need to first evaluate what you need from your partner and why his current actions make you feel upset. Then you should have a serious talk (another one) with your boyfriend. Go in depth about what you need from him and not just in certain circumstances but in general to comfort you. Come to a conclusion together on things you both need to work on. You could work on being more upfront about what you need. I.e. when you were being considerate and told him he did not need to come over, even though it is uncomfortable for you, tell him that you want him to come over. You can phrase declarations of need in ways that make you more comfortable like, “Can you please come over? I understand if you can’t, but it would make me feel better if you did.” Also consider why you are unable to tell him when you need something, why you want him to be intuitive with your feelings. Are you scared to come across as needy, etc.? It is important to explore the root of an issue and not just a certain circumstance. See how he responds to this and if he makes any improvement. If not, it is important to evaluate if you are getting the things you need out of the relationship. Also remember, as I’m sure you know, it would be extremely helpful to go to therapy and put work into yourself on your end. Both of you can put work into a relationship but only you can put work into yourself, he can’t do that for you.