Are midterms a legit excuse, or does it sound like he lost interest?

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This topic contains 9 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  M 1 month, 1 week ago.

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  • #933495 Reply


    I’ve been dating this guy for around a month and we went out three times. His birthday was a couple of days ago, so I told him we can go out sometime this week so I can treat him to something. He said ‘Sureee, maybe Thursday or Friday, because I have midterms all week and next week but we can go out for some time.’ I then suggested Thursday at 7. He said ‘Let me confirm because I’m not sure whether I’ll be free or not on Thursday. Because University is being extremely draining.’ I said ‘Ok, tell me when it suits you’ and left it at that. It’s been three days, and we haven’t talked since then, except when I replied to his story and he replied like he normally would.

    I know that midterms can be draining in his major, especially since he’s ranked 2nd so he obviously cares about grades, and I know that he truly ended up being busy on Thursday (with work) and that he probably hasn’t gone out ever since midterms started because he always posts stories if he does and he hasn’t in a week.

    I still have a bad feeling about this, because I feel like if he cares he’d at least initiate on text and ask how my day’s going, tell me about university, etc (even once). I haven’t texted ever since because I wanna give him space, but I don’t know whether to just keep giving him space or check up on him.

    #933496 Reply


    When are his exams over?

    #933497 Reply


    In around 4 days

    #933500 Reply


    If you must/want after 4 days…

    #933501 Reply


    At this point, it can go either way. You’ve only been on 3 dates, and you made it very clear that you’re interested in him. All you can do now is let him come to you when he’s done with exams (if it was a legit excuse). If he doesn’t do that, you have your answer.

    But you shouldn’t be “waiting around” for him either. Not after only 3 dates! Focus on yourself and what you want, keep yourself busy, even go on other dates if you feel like it (you’re not committed yet, though some people like multi dating and others don’t). Do activities that you enjoy and will take your mind off him and make you feel good about yourself. Or use the free time to study, too :)

    If he does come back around, I’m going to suggest what I always say… if he is someone who turns away from you when he’s stressed or busy, is that the kind of relationship you’d want eventually? Are you okay if he takes a break from reaching out to you every time he has work to do? It’s okay if that’s not what you want and it’s not a good match for you. The point of dating is to figure out if you like someone (and they like you), if you’re compatible, and if they can consistently show up for you.

    I’d sit tight because it sounds like it hasn’t been total no contact the last few days, he is casually responding, but stop initiating contact and try to keep your mind off him and do other things instead. Then decide if you’re still interested in him if he returns after his exams are done. If he doesn’t come back as soon as he’s free, let him fade out. Because you can find another guy who has more time to get to know you.

    #933502 Reply


    So, We all know that you will reach back out to this guy…

    After he’s done with his finals, go ahead- but only this one time. After that, he needs to step up.

    #933561 Reply

    Amy S

    Aw come on. Of course his exams are important. More than that they are everything. His future his whole life will take shape. Cut him some slack and stop being so needy. Leave him alone and stop adding to his stress. He will come around im sure but not if youre on his case as you seem to be.

    #933581 Reply


    I agree, Exams are a super big deal. I remember what it was like for me- Exams came first, second and last. It’s such a pressurised and stressful time.

    He’s not messing you around, his focus is in the right place – if anything, in fact, I’d say he sounds super sweet, because he’s still trying to accommodate you during this crucial time in his life.

    Even now when I’ve got work deadlines and friends start pressuring me to spend time with them, it just makes me go totally off them. I’ve actually lost friends because they couldn’t understand my life priorities and just added to the already heavy burden I’m already carrying at times.

    Be super understanding and he’ll love you for it when they’re over! (And he’ll be in party mode so get ready for a good time! 🍾🎉😃💞💖)

    #933582 Reply


    Ok, maybe not supersweet, but he’s still being nice. (Nicer than I’d be probably!)

    It’s only a few days. Wait it out, you’ll likely be glad you did.

    Sending you love 😘💞💞💞

    #933583 Reply


    I don’t know what you or the other posters think about this – if it were me I’d sent a short text saying something like, “hope the studying’s going well and wishing you good luck on exam day. You’ve got this!”

    Put yourself in his shoes and imagine what he’s going through. When you’re under so much pressure and a friend reaches out to show support, even a simple one line text can really make a difference. Above all else, I’d say be his friend during this tough and important time for him.

    Understanding what he’s going through at the moment, is actually also in line with what Eric advises about supporting a man in his life goals.

    When you’re under fire in life, you need a friend before you need a girlfriend. This is one of those times. Exams are a super big deal and definitely take priority over everything else (save death perhaps).

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