Another ruined birthday!

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This topic contains 18 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  pot to the kettle 4 months ago.

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  • #573765 Reply


    I’ve been married 27 years,today is my 50th birthday. My husband has succeeded in pickung fights with me every year and ruining my birthday I wish it stopped there. He also pick fights and ruins evey christmas. Anyway to avoid conflict,I decided to have a no pressure day. Lunch,a relaxing stroll around the city a movie.I posted some flasback pics of me,hubs,family over 50 years. One was of me and my estranged brother from 40 years ago. We were at lunch my husband looks at FB sees the pic of me and my brother and went crazy. He flipped out on me,forced me to delete the picture and instead of letting the subjecy go he kept pushing the issue until we got into a fight,I was in tears and now my birthday is ruined again.He’s not speaking to me. He said “Get on facebook and tell everyone he ruined my birthday. Make sure you tell them you always make mine special and I ruin yours and I also ruin Christmas. IDK what to do anymore it’s 8pm he’s barely spoken to me and I’m sick to my stomach. Is it too late ro try and fix this day?

    #573770 Reply


    Your HB is a dick.

    But are you posting all your private life on FB, all your emotions, thoughts and complaints? That would drive me nuts as well.

    You’ve been married for 27 years, how do you expect to fix things NOW? At one point you allowed this to start, I don’t see how you can change it now unless you walk to walk away.

    Go and try yelling at him maybe? At the top of your lungs? Giving him the true piece of your mind? You never know, it might help.

    And then get out and do something by yourself or call a GF and ask her for emergency favour and go out together. Stop sulking, life is too short for that. Pull yourself together and salvage the evening of your 50th birthday and make sure to enjoy it.

    Happy Birthday!!

    #573771 Reply


    I would tell him you lied about your birthday date…it is really in November. So he has never ruined your real birthday…only your fake birthday.

    It will make him wonder…..

    #573796 Reply


    I don’t air my dirty laundry on FB. That is his go to insult to me when he’s angry. I pulled myself together,had a glass of wine and watched my favorite movie. He eventually came out of his mood. I do yell and scream right back,then he becomes nasty,calls me a bitch etc. He never sees the error of his ways. I would leave,but I have nowhere to go. I have no friends and my family would never take me in and I have no kids.

    #573797 Reply


    I am glad you posted this as a helpful warning for young women to be wary of who they marry. Do you have a job? Find something to live for other than him. I would tell you two to get counseling, but I am sure he will refuse. So you should get it on your own – it is your birthday, make a commitment to change your life for the better. Do you want to be down this same path 25 years from now? I think you have learned enough by 50 to know that if you don’t take action toward change, things will just stay the same.

    #573799 Reply

    Big Red

    I have a part time job. I live in a depressed area and good jobs are hard to find. It’s only my bday and Christmas that are ruined.I should have realised it would be like this before we were married,his Dad was a major dick who ruined every special occasion. My husband was nothing like his Dad,now he’s exactly like him.
    I’m currently going for counseling on my own. My first session starts tomorrow,and yes he’s not happy about it,yes he brought that up in our arguement. He said I’ll have lots to tell her tomorrow.
    I attempted therapy in the spring,but he said I was “only going so I could work up the courage to leave him”,so I never pursued it.

    #573811 Reply


    Hi , you could leave as you have no ties , I left my hb 3 years ago , I was 48 and sick of his shouting and controlling, yes it was astruggke and I work harder now but I’m so happy and life’s too short to stay. With the wrong person xx

    #573812 Reply


    Nancy or Big Red??

    What a miserable life you have together. He’s verbally abusive and you yell and scream. Maybe therapy will help you cope with his cruelty, but it won’t stop and you’ll still be unhappy. There’s also a saying that misery love company. You could find a way to leave, but only if you become enough to escape the situation..

    #573813 Reply


    *You could find a way to leave, but only if you become MOTIVATED enough..

    #573814 Reply


    Consult a good divorce attorney.

    #573816 Reply


    You say he never sees the error of his ways but you said above that he acknowledges that he ruins Christmas and birthdays. Maybe try not responding if he does say anything upsetting on these days and agree that he will go into another room or outside and take time out to calm down , it seems he has got into a habit of having to ruin these days and just need to not react to him x

    #573830 Reply


    You have a choice to keep doing what you are doing or change things for yourself.

    You do have the power, it is in you. We all decide to stay in a relationship or leave it everyday of our lives.

    Of course, it would be a shock for a while if you left, but staying might be much worse…you have to make a choice on your own.

    I am glad you are going to counseling.

    #573846 Reply


    You seem to have problems picking healthy people in your life. Didn’t you just post about a male friend who broke up with you? And you were devastated? Based on that post you seemed to have friends outside of him. Where did they go?

    #573848 Reply


    Yeah.. you post a thread called ‘did I do the right thing’ and in that thread you talked about going out to dinner with your brother and sister in law and they were supportive of you. You said you had mutual friends with this man who no longer wanted to be friends.

    So.. big red or Nancy. Which one of these threads did you make up?

    #749615 Reply

    e h

    how did you handle this situation??? i have similar problem!!

    #749619 Reply


    You picked him

    #753800 Reply


    Leave. It’s not hard. Go be happy.

    #753860 Reply


    Leaving a 27 year marriage is not hard? What planet do you live on?

    #753887 Reply

    pot to the kettle

    Does it mean you will leave and go be happy too??

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