Am I in the Wrong? Am I not understanding something? Please tell me

Could that be a womens-speak for you’re not contributing enough? Meaning her beeing worried that dating you is getting expensive and she expects you to step up? We do drop hints like that, so I’m not sure if it’s about money, but it’s definitely about something (that you did or did not do).

*Something I should have mentioned in my original post*

I and this girl have had a past where she has led me on and been really selfish even though she knows how I feel. You may be thinking why did I give it another chance then? My short-term feelings got the better of me and I gave in to giving it another go.

If she has led you on and messed you around before then to me it sounds like she is again!! A woman interested in a man doesn’t say she’s not going to be available to see him for the next 3-4 months just to save money! I mean what would stop her from seeing you once a week just for Netflix and chill date? Seriously it’s like $8 a month for Netflix or Amazon Prime! She’s dumping you because I assume she’s had another option come along.

But I’m curious, did you split the tab on dates or did you pay?

A, I get what you’re saying and if you feel you’ve been led on before, you should trust your gut. What struck me in your original message is that everything was going well until suddenly she said she won’t be available now. That’s exactly what women do when they try to communicate some frustration or disaproval but fail to do it properly. However, I don’t have enough information and I’m not saying that must have been the case. Also, a good girlfriend material would ideally have better communication skills.

Hi All,

Thanks for your replies.

I do agree with you. We have had a big argument about this and I have barely spoken to her since (what a nice way to start 2020).

She is claiming it has nothing to do with if she likes me or if she cares about me or anything like that. She claims I am assuming and making it that way. BUT, like you said Anon, If she was into me, she’d find a way to save money and still see me.

@Kaye – Yes she has seriously messed me around before. I think partially due to us being young and ‘inexperienced’ but she has also been very selfish when she knows how I feel about her. Whether she consciously knows what she’s doing or not, it has still happened. Like you say Kaye above, we don’t even do expensive things at all? Regarding the bills, it honestly varies. Sometimes I pay for everything, sometimes she pays for everything and other times we split it. She is not a user for money if that’s what you may be thinking. She doesn’t depend on a man.

@Dangerouse – That’s how it makes me feel, but when I straight up confront her and tell her that’s how it makes me feel, she claims its nothing like that all and I’ve interpreted this in another way and got it wrong? But I 100% disagree with that.

@Shoshannah – I have been messed around before, I have such deep strong feelings for this girl and that’s why I gave it another chance. Up until this, things were going so well. Like I said above though when confronting her, she claims I’ve got this wrong?

Bottom line is that I absolutely think the world of this girl. I am so so gutted and so hurt by this and the worst part is, is that she doesn’t even remotely understand where I am coming from. She said to me “I never thought you’d react like this to me saving money”. Her saving money is not what I have a problem with, it’s her not willing to make the time to me which says a lot to me. I gave our ‘relationship’ another go and things were really on the up and now this? I am wondering if this really is the final nail in the coffin and I need to move on. I want to get into something knowing that If I am 100% for them which I am, they need to be 100% for me and I cant confidently say that for her about me.

I think it is time I move on :( Absolutely heartbroken.

Use that time to get into the best shape shape of your life and find a person who actually doesn’t want to play stupid games and involve you in their life.

I am sorry you’re in this mess but I’m going to speak very frankly to you – some of it is your fault. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. Sure people can change – but most people’s characters really do not. I support the possibility that people can move past ‘young and dumb’ so I understand why you considered giving it another go.

But let me be clear — when we tie ourselves emotionally to someone who truly doesn’t invest in us — it means we are ourselves being emotionally unavailable to real love and intimacy. I know you said it was “going great” before all this – but were there really no signs you were much more invested than she? I find her proposition and claim of not wanting to see you due to saving money complete BS. But even if it were true that STILL means she could give you up, any ole time it suits her, for her gain of … whatever. Good on you saying he-ll no and walking away. Please be wary and not allow her unavailability to continue to be like catnip to you. She may someday come back if she’s in a bad spot to “settle” on you and your sweet adoration. And I say settle because no one in love would ask such a thing of their partner. You would always be second choice to her desires wherever the wind takes them.

I’m sorry your heart feels a little broken. But I absolutely AGREE this is a gift for you. There are many women who are looking for complete devotion. Take some time to grieve and repair. But love yourself enough not to pine long over one who does not appreciate you.

I tend to be very poor and the men I am with have tended to be very poor.

Therefore, we go to very cheap cafe’s and very cheap pubs and even more frequently visit one another’s homes. Do you live near one another?

You sound hot, by the way, like an alpha male type who is direct and to the point. You shouldn’t have any trouble obtaining other woman.

*your girlfriend

Hi All,

Thank you for your replies and I’m sorry I haven’t replied sooner.

We have had a fair bit of contact since the whole argument but I can now say things between us are officially over. I am genuinely and truly heartbroken. I have never felt a pain like this, and it’s the worst feeling I have ever felt by far.

@T from NY – Even though there was signs that I was more invested in her than she was me, it still didn’t change the fact how much I loved this girl. Yes that probably is my fault for getting so emotionally attached but me and her had everything I would ever want except a few important things. I am aware though without the important things which i feel was missing, it wasn’t going to work. I was just so so hopeful she’d change the 2nd time.

@Sensy – I would disagree. The whole reasons we have had issues in the past is because she is not ready for a relationship. A number of reasons I’ll never understand but nether the less, it’s officially over now.

I hope the pain I feel now does get better. I am not a person to worry about many things, I am very laid back in general. However, I do worry that when I do meet someone else, it won’t be as good as the good parts of what I did have with her. How we got on etc. Like I said, except a few things which are important, we had absolutely everything. Never been so gutted in my life. Truly heartbroken 💔

Hi Lane,

Unfortunately this is what’s happened :(. I have been messed around by her before and this is because she isn’t ready for a relationship with anyone (it’s not just me, we have been through that in detail various times). She doesn’t know what she wants but because I was so into her, I gave it another chance and really hoped 2nd time around she would change. Clearly that hasn’t happened and I’m genuinely heartbroken.

I am not sure if she will come back to me. She did come back to me after last time but as this is the 2nd time around, I’m not sure she will. Finally at last, she did admit it would be selfish of her to carry on.

Hi K,

This really is the last straw. I was just following up on the replies because I had left it for awhile.

If anything, this has taught me even more to listen to the advice. This will not be a problem again.