Am I being unreasonable


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    Amibeingunreasonable

    This is about friendship and not a relationship but I feel like it’s a break up at the moment .

    I moved to another part of the country 12 years ago and been friends with a woman since . Last summer her elderly grandfather died and I rang her to confirm her sent a condolence and explained on the phone that I was travelling home for the weekend and wouldn’t make funeral . My partner of 12 years had left me a few months prior and I found the weekend a very hard in the house on my own and I explained that it was hard to stay down on my own and she said that’s ok . I checked in with over the weekend and after the funeral .

    We had planned ongoing to a concert and I told her she didn’t jab to go if she didn’t feel up to it I would understand .

    A few days later she called me she was outside my work place and had to pay for the tickets for the concert s I ran out of work to meet her . We were chatting about how we would get to and from the concert and I had to go back to work . After I went back in I thought to myself I never sympathised with her person . The next sat we met and I said oh I never sympathised with you in person sorry the other day and she said yes when I went home her husband said “ well did she sympathise “

    I was a bit taken back and didn’t say anything and I just put it down to grief . We went to the concert and she got lost and I ended up spending two hours looking for her met her with her brother and his girlfriend there was no apology . There was no reception .

    I let it go and for the last five weeks my father has been almost dying and I have hardly heard a word from her . I’d get the odd text saying hope he is getting better etc . I had phone call one evening asking me about someone I knew and looking for info and she said are you travelling home at the weekend and I was there well i told you my father is very unwell and I’m spending my weekend in s Covid ward as he also had Covid at the time . She just said oh you might get Covid .

    Didn’t hear much else apart from ringing short notice that she was in the town I work in but I was never there when she rang .

    Just got little texts here and there thinking of you .

    I don’t think it would have bothered me at all but the comment that was made about what her husband said cake back tbme through all this .

    I rang her yesterday to say I had x mas presents for her family and she came to collect them and said I don’t have any for you snd I said that’s ok . I said I’m just saying out of respect for our friend ship I m confused about what was said by her husband and she just said no we’ve no hard feelings towards you at all and I was there it was a strange thing to say it makes me think I did not do enough for you . She said that m touchy about my father dying and doesn’t know how to talk to me or what to say .

    She never said no you did do enough or anything just there’s no hard feelings and I hope it doesn’t affect our friendship.

    I’m so upset I don’t know why but I had that comment thrown after her grand father and I get no support with my father .

    I feel like this is the end of our friendship as I feel she was a passive agressive With me instead of saying she was disappointed I didn’t go to the funeral .

    It’s really bothering me am I being unreasonable?

    #939856 Reply
    Kash

    I don’t think you made a terrible mistake in not sympathising with your friend. You did mention how sorry you felt. I don’t understand what more you could have done. And similarly it goes for your friend. She has also said she hopes your father gets better etc. I don’t understand what more you expect from her.

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