This topic contains 27 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Andrea 4 days, 7 hours ago.
October 12, 2016 at 11:13 am #570339
Hi everyone, I’m here for your advice. I’m in my late thirties, separated from my husband, have two kids and have recently reentered the dating scene. I met a guy on an online dating site about a week ago, we began chatting and it seems we get on really well together. It’s been only a week, but we talk every day and he has recently asked me out for a date. I said ok, so we’re supposed to meet on Friday morning for a coffee. The problem is that he’s 12 years younger than me, he is in his mid-twenties. He’s fun, energetic and nice, but I sometimes worry about the age difference between us. We talked about it once, he asked me if it bothers me and I told him it does bother me a bit, but not that much. He said it does not bother him at all. We talked about a possible relationship too, he said he really likes talking to me and would like to meet me IRL and then we’ll see where the relationship goes. I like him too, but sometimes I’m just not sure if the age difference between us might become a burden later on or not. I know some couples where the guy is much younger and the relationship seems to be fine, but I’m not sure if they are not execptions to the rule. what do you think? Am I overthinking it? What would you do?October 12, 2016 at 11:53 am #570343
Won’t work… sorry… just have fun when you can but don’t get seriousOctober 12, 2016 at 12:04 pm #570344
Way too much thought being put into this.
Just go out for coffee and see how it goes.
I think he’s way too young, this would more so be for fun.October 12, 2016 at 12:18 pm #570346
Wouldn’t work out that well… I am seeing a guy right now he was married to a woman who was 11 years older than him, he ended up divorcing her. Reasons…. she was always saying I am a kid, wasn’t respectful towards me as I was younger than her etc. We as woman mature must faster than men and 12 years is a really big age gap.October 12, 2016 at 12:22 pm #570347
Check out the term MILF. I find guys that age are really looking for a MILF to brag to their friends about later.October 12, 2016 at 12:24 pm #570348
Let’s face it. The odds are really stacked against this working. He’s not at the same life stage as you at all. I doubt he’s even considered the difficulty of dating a woman with kids, let alone thought of possibly taking them on as his own one day. And what if he wants kids? Most men seem to want to start families aged 30-35. By then, you won’t be able to have children. Also, what shared goals and interests will you have? You’re focused on your family and he’s just setting out in life.
I don’t know anyone with a successful relationship where the woman is much younger than the man. I know of relationships the other way around, but women are generally a lot more mature and sensible than men are, so it seems to work OK that way.
Online dating is full of men that aren’t very serious anyway. There is a chance he just likes the idea of a MILF.
It’s way to early to tell anything. I wouldn’t bother but, if you do like him, meet him and see how it goes. Proceed with caution though! Don’t allow yourself to fall for him or get too involved for a few months.October 12, 2016 at 12:38 pm #570349
Depending on the maturity of the guy. If he is mature hard working and responsible why not?
I have dated a guy almost 20 years younger and he was the best and sweetest thing that happened in my life. He wanted to marry me but the age difference was to much. I was worried about the future.He is dating a woman 11 years older than him. He likes older woman. I regret not staying with him.October 12, 2016 at 12:49 pm #570351
The major issue would be maturity and whether the two of you can match.October 12, 2016 at 12:51 pm #570353
I dated a guy who was 6 years younger than me. He was quite mature in other areas but still very immature when it came to family, respect and goals in life. I am a single mom of two he loved my kids however things didn’t work out as he realized he wants to explore other girls as well. This bug of exploration is very hurtful and is common in younger guys. I am not with a guy older than me and I’ve noticed a huge difference. Trust me, being a single mom I know, you need a man not a boy!October 12, 2016 at 1:05 pm #570359
I’m not trying to change the subject, but why is it so taboo for a woman to hook up with a much younger man, but it’s cool if an older man hooks up with a much younger woman. I don’t get it.October 12, 2016 at 1:07 pm #570362
Thanks for your opinions! I was considering two things when thinking about this issue: my ex husband was 10 years older than me and he always used the age gap between us to prove his superiority. Actually, when I was younger I was always attracted to older men, but never had any really good expereince with them. The other thing is that 2 of my best frinds ended up with guys much younger than they are. One is 6 years younger, the other one is 13 years younger. They are married and have been together for more than 5 years. As I see their relationship is gorgeous. Well, of course I’m not sure about this guy yet as I hardly know him. We don’t get too serious in our chats though, we usually joke with each other and tease each other in a funny way, he stays respectful though. I enjoy this for the time being, it adds to my life, but of course it’s just fun. The only thing I noticed is that he absolutely beats me in film, he often talks about films and spent most of his college years watching movies, while I was rearing children, so I don’t know most of the films he mentions. I don’t mind it, but sometimes I’m a bit embarrassed because I feel so ignorant -he doesn’t make me feel like this though.October 12, 2016 at 1:08 pm #570364
It doesn’t work in both ways. My sister was married to a guy who was 13 years older than her. After 14 years of marriage they are divorced. not saying it will never work but age difference makes a huge impact on your life.Maturity level, financial goals, family planning all of this comes in the way. Especially if someone has a kid and the other partner has never been married, they can’t relate to you.October 12, 2016 at 1:16 pm #570366
I think if you know people who have successful relationships with a younger man, you should ask them. How did they know the guy was serious, would take on their kids and get married etc? How did they differentiate between them and the men who wanted a MILF for a bit of fun or a sugar mamma? They can probably give you better advice than us!October 12, 2016 at 1:16 pm #570367
Before my marriage, I dated some guys who were my age, but it didn’t wotk out with them either. Sometimes I wonder how much burden does age difference really add to a relationship, or is it really just up to the personality of the guy and if we are compatible together. the truth must be somewhere in the middle.October 12, 2016 at 1:39 pm #570370
Sad but true
If you are looking for the possibility of hot sex, fun energetic times and feeling young again – by all means explore the possibility of this relationship. If you are looking something more long term – just know the chances are slim. Though I will not repeat the generalities already listed above (regarding the differing stages of life, the matter of children, etc) of why the younger woman-older man scenario is not that common; I will say that another reason you don’t see it as much is that a lot of younger men cannot feel proud dating (long term) or marrying a woman that is older than him because it is not respected by their peers. People can be really cruel regarding these types of non-traditional relationships and men crave respect sometimes more than love. I think that times are changing in this regard but there is still a very long way to go.
Of course there are going to be exceptions to this rule – brave spirits who can withstand the judgments of others – but I would also dare say they are rare. I mention this because I think its important in understanding a man and because sometimes women think that if they have so much in common with a younger man, or have incredible compatibility, amazing sex or a host of other wonderful things – that it can make up for the age difference. But I believe a man can love a woman with all his heart and leave her for practical reasons.October 12, 2016 at 1:39 pm #570371
Ms. Good Intentions
Eve – welcome back to the dating world. I am going to give it to your straight, a guy in his mid-twenties, hitting on an older women in her 30’s with kids is looking for one thing and one thing only – a lonely women post divorce. Sorry, but he wants to see you in person, to see if you are attractive enough to sleep with, and then he will ghost on you.
You will get a lot of younger men hitting on you, as they are often striking out with woman their own age, who are dating older, more established men.
Your best bet is likely going to be a man 40+ who is still interested in helping to raise children.October 12, 2016 at 1:41 pm #570372
Sad but true
**oops meant to say in my post “older woman-younger man scenario is not that common”October 12, 2016 at 2:55 pm #570389
I wouldn’t say it could never work, but the chances of this being anything meaningful or long term are very slim.
I remember when I was in my early 20’s. Many of my guy friends would talk about dating a woman 10-15 years older because they heard the sex would be great. They are aware that many of us become more comfortable with out bodies in our 30’s and are less inhibited. Plus, if a woman was divorced with kids they assumed she was lonely from an unsuccessful marriage and a husband who hadn’t given her much attention (ie: she’d be ready to rip their clothes off).
Are there singular cases where something serious comes of something like this? I’m sure, but also pretty sure it’s the exception.
If you can just have a good time, fine. But you are both truly in completely different phases of life. I’m sure he’s probably more interested in some funOctober 12, 2016 at 3:04 pm #570390
Eve I don’t think you would be posting this if you felt truly comfortable with the situation. I have always dated older men as well and the thought now (a 42) of dating a guy younger, never would I do in their 20’s the youngest is 36 and I still felt a disconnect.
I have 2 kids and don’t really want more so a guy in that age range is looking to start a family (even tho they say they are OK with my kids) eventually they will want their own unless they just don’t want kids (which is bad too). So I think you need to look at the whole picture and how you can handle this. Me persoanlly I don’t want to feel like I need to compete with a 25 year old girl or always feel like I need to be at this younger persons level. A few years younger like 1-3 is OK but 12 that is a big difference.October 14, 2016 at 9:56 am #570786
The age gap might become a burden. First because we ladies have a higher maturity level than men our same age. Second, bc he will want children at a time when it will be difficult for you to have them. I’m not saying a guy much younger than you can’t be attracted to you or even love you; that’s deffinitely possible; it is life that gets in the way and yes, some guys look forward to a milf experience in order to feel pampered and appreciated.October 14, 2016 at 10:44 am #570790
It’s not the age gap, as much as the life stage. For example someone in 30s being with someone in 40s is not that dramatic because you are pretty close in the phase of life regarding kids and marriage and career.
In your situation, a person in their 20s is still figuring out who they are and what they want to be. You, on the other hand, have already done this and have children.
So I agree with one of the other posts, you are a MILF to him. He will view you as a fun cougar to sex up… but doubt you will have much in common or even be close as far as where you are in life and where you are going.October 15, 2016 at 1:05 am #570928
My best friend is 27 and his girlfriend is 39 and he started dating her about 2 years ago. They’re absolutely crazy about each other. She has 3 kids and he has none and he’s become almost like another father to them
I don’t know if they’re going to last long term though. My friend looks awesome and he’s told me that he’s concerned that he’s going to stop being attracted to her in 10-15 years. To me, men age significantly better than women do – he’s a workout fiend and even at 47, he’ll look absolutely great. Will he be attracted to his wife when she’s 60 at that point? I don’t know.
Beyond the appearance stuff, he wants to have his own kids and while she’s still capable, I don’t know if she will want that.
Me personally? I’ve been with a few older women but it was only for fun. I appreciated my time with them and the sex was amazing but there is no future there. I would go 3-5 years older for serious dating but not much more than that. The older woman – younger male thing just doesn’t really work. Most younger guys want a serious relationship with a woman close to our age with no kids who is going to have the same kind of freedom as we have.October 15, 2016 at 4:16 am #570946
You have just got in to dating again, get ready for lots and lots of younger guys that are going to contact you! This will go nowhere relationship wise, You will have a great time with a fit younger guy, but its just going to be fun and that’s it! Its 50/50 if he ghost you after he get what he wants.
My ex husband was 10 years older than me and I couldn’t believe my luck when younger fit guys started contacting me, this was 4 years ago! I am happy to call my self a cougar!!
Just enjoy it but it will def not end up in a relationship xOctober 18, 2016 at 4:05 pm #571755
Maybe that is what you need right now! Young, fun and something new and exciting!March 26, 2021 at 4:22 am #852125
Im not sure how that would work out if say he is 22 and she is 34. These men in their early 20s usually doesn’t know what they want in life.they are so young they may be just after one thing.im not saying they all would be that way.but a younger guy might go for an older woman because she knows a thing or two he may not. But if she has any kids and he doesn’t, would he be able to handle them? He may not fing her attractive in the next 10 years and run around on her.although i have known of a woman that was 19 years older than her husband and they had a real good marriage. I guess with any relationship, it all depends