After three great dates, I haven't heard from him. Should I text first?


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This topic contains 15 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Really 2 weeks, 4 days ago.

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  • #702654 Reply

    valec

    Hey everyone,

    Thanks in advance for your advice.

    So I’ve been on three dates with a guy. Coffee, a party and the third one, which was this past weekend. He is the first person I’ve been attracted to in a long time, we seem to have things in common, and he is caring/considerate. After the dates, he has been the one to contact me and ask me out. However, after our the third date we went for drinks, dinner and a movie and had a great time (lots of conversation, we kissed, we laughed lots) I haven’t heard from him. I’m a bit confused, I thought we had a great time, and I’m usually good at reading people, I’m also aware that sometimes the reasons he hasn’t contacted me are his and have nothing to do with me. Or he is simply not into me, and that’s not the end of the world. But it does bother me, especially because we had a great time, in my opinion, and he is someone I would like to get to know more.

    What would you do? It’s been two days. I usually don’t like texting guys first because it turns into this thing where I don’t know if he likes me/ it’s just saying yes to see me again because he is bored. I feel that if he were really into me, two he would have contacted me sooner, no? Like he did the other two dates. Also, he was super affectionate, paid for everything and seemed interested in our third date so that he might be reflecting on that? I don’t know, the only thing to know for sure is that he hasn’t been in touch and that speaks volumes.

    .what do you guys think? Should I reach out or leave it?



    #702657 Reply

    valec

    three days actually counting today*

    #702658 Reply

    anon

    I’d text him a neutral message “Had fun the other night. Hope your week is going well.”. Don’t ask him out again on a date. If he has done all the initiating to this point, he might be waiting on you for a clue. It’s a long shot, but I have heard enough from guys that they were hoping the girl would follow up.

    But it’s sort of spark from you. If it doesn’t take, and he doesn’t move forward with another date, its done.

    #702659 Reply

    redcurleysue

    Men can be charming and fun since they live in the moment. It means nothing.

    The key to men is to watch their actions. They are simple, their actions show their desires at the moment.

    It is no shame to let a man know you are interested in a subtle way. My favorite way is to throw a small party and invite them. Then the ball is back in their court.

    #702668 Reply

    Dee


    Don’t text him. He could have gotten busy, be evaulating his feelings, or even (believe me this happens!) testing you before he gets deeper. If he pulls back a bit, do you blow up his phone and freak out? Many women will, and he may have been burned by needy controlling women in the past. So what you do now is really important.!

    Leave it a few more days and come back and let us know what happened. He knows where to find you!!!

    #702678 Reply

    anon

    One text is not blowing up a phone, nor is it needy or controlling. Obviously, don’t interrogate the guy. And don’t send more than one text.

    The poster is curious, wanting to see him again. If a guy perceives that as needy or controlling, he has issues.

    There is something to be said for waiting, but I saw a cartoon once in the New Yorker of a man and a woman staring into their phone thinking “why won’t he/she just text me”.

    #702682 Reply

    Hannah


    Text him! Just a simple “hi how’s things” or something.

    You know men need encouragement too. They will lose heart if they don’t think the woman is interested. He’s made all the effort so far and sending one text isn’t chasing him.

    If he doesn’t reply, at least you know he’s not interested instead of worrying about it as well.

    #702684 Reply

    Missy

    I agree with Hannah and Anon. 1 text is not blowing up his phone. Just send that neutral text and leave it up to the universe. If he doesn’t answer, then you know sooner rather than later that he’s not your guy and you’re free to move on. I know it’s tough, but we women tend to get attached to a guy and a specific outcome way too soon. Need to give it some time to see who he is and his interest level. That doesn’t mean that they don’t want to see some of yours as encouragement. ;)

    #702695 Reply

    julia

    eh i’d say this – the ball is in his court. three dates is hardly any time. i wholeheartedly believe that a man goes after what he wants. you give radio silence and see if you hear from him at all. trust me, if a guy is dying to see you and hang out w/ you, he will know where to find you.

    don’t overthink this one. and don’t send a bunch of small talk texts. at this point, you should be dating and chatting w/ other guys. don’t fixate on one guy who didn’t call you back after 2 days. in my experience, they’ll know where to find you if they ever wanna meet up again. and quite honestly, yes – men are in the moment people and whatever they do or say only means for that moment. that’s why you need to assess a man overtime. should you ever be so inclined to hang out w/ him again – send ONE simple text asking if he wants to join you for X Y Z. up to you. choose the activity to have him join you at. if no answer – your inkling was correct.

    #702697 Reply

    Emma

    I this case I would contact him He initiated three times, he paid for everything, this is your turn now. Did you thank him for dinner and drinks?

    Text him and say you had a great time with him and wanted to thank him for the drinks and dinner again (in case you already did). Do not suggest going on a date. But if he gets back to you, then you can initiate some activity.

    #702705 Reply

    vale C

    Wow!

    Thank you, everyone, for the amazing and thoughtful advice. What an awesome community of wonderful women.

    Writing this helped me a lot. I did some journaling this morning, went to a kickboxing class and had some great news at my job. I also have an appointment for getting my nails done after work. I already feel much much much better.

    Yeah, I thanked him for dinner and drinks, and he responded saying that he had a great time too and that was it.I’m also dating other people, is just this was the guy that had caught my attention. I actually have a date tonight.

    I think what I’ll do is focus on myself, give my self some extra love and maybe if I still feel like text him, send him something along the lines of: “Hey! How is your week going?” and see how it goes, but I guess I’ll go with how I feel.

    Buy yeah, I agree with you all. Sending him a text is not being desperate/blowing up his phone at all.

    #702747 Reply

    peggy

    Hi Vale C-sending one text is fine. You already did that. He may ask you out again, but he did not do so, when given a chance by you texting him. I would stop right where you are-not text him anymore. Give him a day or two more to contact you,ask you out again. If he doesn’t I would forget him.

    #702806 Reply

    Jessica

    Agree with @Peggy. You did enough.

    #715577 Reply

    Debbie Piazza

    Vale .. the same thing happened to me after 6 days together. 3 dates the first week and 3 dates the 3rd week. I rarely meet someone I’m into and he’s the first in 3 YEARS!! I sent him a ‘thinking of you’ text and he replied immediately with 😘. When we’re together it’s amazing. When we’re not, I feel I don’t even exist. Haven’t heard from him in a week. Trying to move on but there are sho many losers out there! I wish you the best!

    #715588 Reply

    Lane

    All this technology has made dating so darn hard!!! I still go with the ‘old school’ method— if a man’s really interested enough he’ll let you know and make darn sure you don’t forget about him; if he doesn’t…next! I know it sucks when you feel that strong chemistry with someone especially if you’ve met a lot of duds but you can’t make people feel something they don’t, so its best to walk away quickly and keep yourself open and available to a man who will feel the same way you do—their pretty obvious :o)

    #715590 Reply

    Really


    Sending a text to say hi and check in isn’t a problem. See what happens from there. If he’s engaging and seems to want to have a conversation with you after that, then you know he’s happy to hear from you.

    These days the presence of social media, texting, etc. makes “reading the signs” and “following the rules” hard because it’s not the same as it used to be. I think most girls are happier when a guy initiates the dates with her, but I also don’t see a problem in a girl suggesting something — something like a simple “Hey, there’s this show/concert/movie/festival on such-and-such a day that I really want to go to. Would you be interested in going with me?” But that’s the kind of thing I’d only suggest doing if you are confident enough to do so. If you aren’t, you’ll send yourself into a tailspin of overthinking and paranoia no matter what the guy’s response is.

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