after the breakup


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This topic contains 4 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Liz Lemon 1 month, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #867914 Reply

    Anonymous

    A couple of days ago I broke up with the love of my life. We had planned our whole future together and I loved him to death, I still do. I really wanted things to work with him. Unfortunately, he was a hothead who would constantly say things in the heat of the moment, and wasn’t very respectful, so I ended up very hurt. I told him we weren’t healthy and it was best to end things. It was the hardest decision I’ve had to make. How do I get over this? It seems I can’t go 30 minutes without having the urge to cry. I sit in my room and stare blankly at my computer. I really need advice on how to move on from this.

    #867931 Reply

    Peggy

    Well this is tough /hard…but I would venture to say that a “disrespectful hothead” could not be the love of your life. He would in the future, and did in the past, hurt you and make you unhappy. You get over it by focusing on that important fact and not the good stuff. It would lead to lifelong misery if you stayed. You were smart to end it now.
    Take some time and then look for a love that is loving and not hurtful and hugely flawed. Good luck.

    #867942 Reply

    Raven

    Breathe & one day at a time…

    #868031 Reply

    Claws

    I’ve been in a similar situation. I broke up with the love of my life 2 years ago because the relationship became toxic and unhealthy. It was the hardest decision I have had to make. And healing was certainly not easy. I cried daily for two weeks. Now, when I look back I’m amazed at how I was able to move on and I can’t say anymore that he was the love of my life because I can now see that my future is brighter than my past with him. I was able to move on fast because, from when I broke up, I knew that I wasn’t going back no matter what. For you, it’s been just a few days, so are you certain that you are done with him, or do you have hopes of getting back together if he promises to change??
    If you know in your heart that you are done with him, then you need to embrace the fact that what you had was real, you had the opportunity to experience true love, you know what to not tolerate in your next relationship, he is a part of your memories and for whatever reasons, you both can no longer be together, and it happens. Then, you need to start loving yourself more than you love him and life will get better with time.

    #868081 Reply

    Liz Lemon

    What Peggy said. You’re telling yourself a story, that this guy was “the love of your life”. But he hurt you. He wasn’t respectful to you. That doesn’t sound like the love of your life to me. You made a hard decision to end an unhealthy relationship and you should be proud you were strong enough to do that.

    I’m not saying you didn’t love him- of course you did! I know it hurts. Breakups suck! All you can do is push through it day by day. Let yourself cry some, but try to focus on other things– your friends, your family, your hobbies. Don’t wallow, it’s normal to feel bad, but don’t let yourself get overwhelmed. What will help you heal is changing the narrative in your head. We all have “stories” in our head about our relationships– “he’s the love of my life” etc. Like Peggy said, change that around– look at the negative. “He would constantly say hurtful things in the heat of the moment. He was disrespectful to me on a regular basis”. When you start looking at him through that lens, it will be a lot easier to heal and move on.

    I’ve been there so I know how you feel. I’ve had relationships that ended where I was heartbroken and sad, and convinced I’d lost something wonderful…but when I took a step back, and looked at it objectively, I realized the guy was not good for me. And that there were better things out there for me. I think the same will happen for you.

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