Advice on letting go

And maybe this helps, i also believe that if he loved you enough he would have prioritize this differently. He would have stayed and maybe look at other options. Like my uncle did with his gf. He wanted marriage and kids. She wanted lat and no kids. He stayed with her and they are still together

Thank you, Newbie. I’ve had that same thought as well but wasn’t sure if I was being selfish or not. I said those same words to a friend recently and in response she said “couldn’t he say the same? That if you loved him enough you’d change your position?” Maybe she’s right too.

Yeah you could say its both ways but to me working it out without kids instead of forcing a kid on the other seems less intrusive to me. But really i told you that perspective to maybe get over it. And read that post since its your future you dont want

Well here is Lottie!! Happened to be looking through other posts (to make me feel better to be honest). Yes Leena don’t be me. It sucks. The only thing that has stopped it being totally unbearable is that l stopped contact as soon as he told me he had met someone. If l had kept in touch as friends l would have had to listen to him telling me all about it and that would have been so painful.
I was ever so fond of him but l don’t think was as in love as you sound. In fact, l haven’t even cried. Gosh, maybe there’s hope for me! Anyway, do be careful with thinking you can cope with something you can’t. I would go cold turkey immediately. X

Hi Lottie. I’m so sorry that you are going through this/went through what you went through. I wish you comfort and peace and hope posting and reading comments was at least a bit cathartic and has helped with the healing process. I was married for 10 years, with my ex for 12 when I met my guy so I had the same initial thoughts about him/the relationship. I didn’t want anything serious. I was just getting out of a lengthy relationship. Hell, I didn’t even like my guy when it first started. I knew him because we travel in the same circle but I was never ever interested in him romantically. When we left the bar night one I said to him, “this will be an hour of your life and that is all.” Lol! Much like you things progressed. When I started to catch feelings – I told him. He said he felt the same and we decided to not talk about the fact that our relationship had a shelf life and fo just have fun dating (as you said!) But then a landmark birthday hit for him. And as it was coming up on the horizon I couldn’t help but think that he was losing time. And that voice in my head grew louder and more persistent and I realized that if I really love him as I think I do I had to end it. So we celebrated his birthday together and the next day – I told him we were through. He understood and agreed but it was gut wrenching. I had not seen him (we’ve texted and emailed but not gotten together) until he happened to be by my office on Wednesday and asked if I had a moment to grab a cup of coffee. And now I’m right back to where I was 30 days ago. Which I guess tells me everything I need to know. I can’t see him. I seem to be fine texting but I just can’t see him. Not right now anyway (and likely not at all bc I couldn’t bare what you’ve gone through. You’re much stronger than I. That would tear my heart out.) During our breakup conversation, I jokingly told him he needed to quickly get married, have some kids and get divorced so we could get on with things already. In response he said, “can you really imagine me marrying someone else right now?” Gut punch. But at the end of the day my decisions are mine, my emotions are mine. I have to take control of them and move on regardless of how hard it seems now. Ugh love is such a pain in the ass sometimes, isn’t it??

Your last sentence – I could not agree more. What he did to you was tremendously disrespectful and I’m sure it feels like a hit to the ego. But if you think about it really – he is the foolish one here. You had a grown up relationship which you both understood was for a time and not until the end of time. If you can’t be honest in THAT relationship – when can you be? He had literally NO reason to lie to you. His choosing to do so anyway tells me he’s just a sissy. A gutless wimp who couldn’t be honest with a woman with whom he had the most honest of arrangements. And that’s on him – not you. Think about the lies he must tell to her – to HIMSELF. The people in his life with whom he has commitments. He is the one who looks like an idiot here not you. He’s a child and that did not fit the narrative of your grown up relationship. So you blocked him and unfriended him. You took the control back. Trust me I can understand the impact of a damaged ego but I’m telling you there is no reason for you to suffer from same in this instance. He looks bad – not you.