A deer in the headlights

This topic contains 7 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Vera 8 months ago.

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  • #779691 Reply


    I have been dating this guy a little bit for a few months. I could feel there was always something off, and rightfully he ends up telling me he is not ready for a relationship after his break-up and need some time on hi own. I handled this classy and said I understood.
    This weekend we were at the same party and he did not notice me at all (or at least pretended that). At some point I have to pass him and I softly pokes this shoulder and say “Hey, I just saw you stand here, and wanted to say hi”.
    He looked at he like a deer in the headlight and burst out something about he liked my new haircut. I just said thanks and passed him. When I had to leave I had to pass him again and this time he looks up himself but still with that scared wounded look in this eyes. I just smiles and left.
    This is not the first time i experienced this with him. Right in the beginning when we dating I hadn’t heard from him for some days and I meet in the streets where he also looks at me like this. I can feel is makes me uncomfortable and feel like he is scared want I am gonna say to him. (I have never acted crazy or anything near that towards him).
    Why does he act and look at me this way?
    I assume that if he didn’t care he would just be apathetic… However he was to one to say he was not ready for relationship, which I kind of thought meant I am just not into you.

    #779698 Reply


    I would love to get some insight to why he acts this way?
    Is he immature?
    Is it because he simply does not know what to do?
    Does he have some sort of feelings for me that he don’t know how to act on?

    I really liked this guy and was really bummed things ended.

    #779701 Reply

    Liz Lemon

    I think you’re trying to find a deeper subtext here, but I don’t believe that there is one.

    Maybe the guy is just awkward. Maybe he’s uncomfortable running into people he once dated and doesn’t know how to act. Maybe you’re completely misinterpreting the look on his face. Who knows.

    I think you’re reading too much into it. I don’t believe he has some deep feelings for you that he’s afraid to act on, sorry. He told you he wasn’t ready for a relationship and needed time on his own. You should accept that. If he were interested in dating you again, he’d ask.

    #779708 Reply


    I agree with Liz, there doesn’t seem to be some deep meaning here.
    Perhaps you are looking for one in order to have a reason to reach out to him.

    Its awkward sometimes running into someone you dated, not everyone is cool, calm and collected about it.

    #779713 Reply


    Who knows? There’s no way to tell what he’s thinking. More to the point, it doesn’t matter. He broke up with you. I agree with Liz and Khadija, you’re trying to find some meaning in this because you still like him and are secretly hoping there’s still a chance. You have to let this one go.

    #779716 Reply


    I agree that you’re reading too much into it and no, the fact that he is awkward doesn’t mean that he cares. I suspect it’s simply because some people feel uncomfortable about rejecting others. He rejected you, so he feels uncomfortable around you.

    #781055 Reply


    Agree. I’ve had this experience myself . In my case I dated a couple of guys in my extended friend circle and I see the “friendship” as a casualty . Once the dating ended the awkwardness started . In one case it was me who ended it and though I tried to be friendly about it he snubbed me and ignored me to the point where I started getting annoyed and now I ignore him . The other case was more of a mutual fare out but we still chat a bit at parties though there is an awkwardness about it .

    #781056 Reply


    Mutual *fade* out , not “fare”

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