This topic contains 12 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by anon 2 months, 3 weeks ago.
December 3, 2019 at 12:54 am #779746
Met him online, 6weeks dating. We meet once or twice a week. Message/text sporadically…then..last time we’re together, we got physical! The next time i see him, is it ok to ask him where we are heading? Or is it still too early?December 3, 2019 at 2:50 am #779749
Have you already discussed generally what you want from dating? Did you discuss what you want before you got physical and that getting physical meant something to you?
If not, next time… by date 3-4, you should be generally discussing what you want from dating. Not from
One another but from relationships. If he is not open to something serious or is living day to day in the moment, do not proceed.
If you got physical without explaining you only get physical with being exclusive and getting off of online, it is now too late. You do that before sex.
So, in general, you should already know where you stand, but based on your question, I am guessing you took the cool girl route. Which never works. He should know early you want something committed and you only get physical with men who are not on match the next day. And do not have unprotected sex until you are exclusive.
If you have not done these steps yet, then I suggest you ask what he is looking for generally and suggest you ask if he is still seeing other people before you ask anything else. Explain that from a health standpoint, you want to know. If the answer is yes, he does not see it going very far. Men who want to be boyfriends generally lock it down by 4-6 weeks, 8-12 latest.December 3, 2019 at 4:06 am #779751
Thanks for the reply! Yes we used protection
I have not ask though if he is dating others as i’ve also been dating others as well but he is the guy i like the most!
On our first meet up, we already discussed what we’re looking for and both of us are looking for relationship!
I think on our second or third date, i cant remember exactly what i asked him but his response is that he would want to continue to see/date me… and i didn’t push because i feel it’s too early to push something …December 3, 2019 at 4:23 am #779752
It is never to early to have boundaries about what you want. If you want a relationship and to not have men sleeping with others, you need to say early, I do not sleep with men.who are sleeping and dating others, but before you sleep together. It is too late now.
Is he acting like he wants to be your boyfriend? Is he consistent in making plans? Is he escalating your time together? Does he call you to say hi? Does he lock down the next date? Does he say he wants only you?
Option a: say nothing
Option b: ask where he is on seeing others and listen carefully
Option c: tell him you are going to stop dating others to focus on him, where is he at?December 3, 2019 at 11:27 am #779773
How old are you guys? I think it’s still early in the courting process…and from what I’ve read (and learned) it’s usually best to make him wait for sex and let him chase you. Don’t ask him if he’s dating other people he might get scared. So continue dating other men. Google Lauren Frances (a famous dating coach) and Evan Mark Katz. They have good advice for that. Generally say that you should let him bring up the exclusivity talk as its their job to lock you down. If they want you enough, they don’t want to share you with other men. He needs to feel like he’s won the prize. Anyways, good luck and don’t let your fear take over..he’ll sense the neediness and be likely to pull away. Let it unfold naturally and be happy and fun to be around. If he doesn’t hint at commitment with more time, I would probably back away and possibly look for something more serious if that’s what you want.December 3, 2019 at 3:08 pm #779795
The issue is that she already slept with him (if I read intimate as sleeping with). Now it is an actual health issue – hence the reason to ask. There is another approach which would be that you sleep with him protected, and if he wants to stop that, then you ask.
Evan mark katz would say any longer than 8 weeks without commitment would be a man you should stop dating because men who are into you, lock it down fast. usually in the 4-8 week category.December 3, 2019 at 3:50 pm #779805
Thanks for the replies! Yes, we had sex but used condom as protection! We’re already late 30’s so i thought we’re mature enough to discuss things.
I guess i want to discuss where i stand with him because honestly the other guys i’m dating wants to lock me down but He is the one i rly like most and yet i’m finding it rly hard to gauge his feelings towards me..probably bec the other guys are really investing heavily compared to him (i think this is also the reason i like him as it challenge me somehow! Argh!) so i’m torn if i shld continue just dating all of them or discuss now with him so i can focus on the other guys in case he can’t commit..December 3, 2019 at 7:09 pm #779826
If you don’t know where you stand, you usually are standing on shaky ground. If you have a habit of bad choices in men, you should run away from this guy… you liking him is your attachment system, not that he is a good match. Setting too men against each other is a bad idea. Please do not be a woman who chooses the wrong guy when you had a good one. The good one will look more alluring when you allow this one to treat you badly.December 3, 2019 at 7:16 pm #779827
I would also seriously consider the other option: none of them!
If not him, you don’t need to choose one of the other guys!!December 3, 2019 at 8:46 pm #779831
It will suffocate him …let him show you whether or not he locks you down…if not, nit probably isn’t going to happen. Respect yourself… it’s so attractive.December 4, 2019 at 8:56 pm #779905
T from NY
I think you need to just BE CALM. I would definitely not bring up “the talk” for at least a couple of weeks. Men WATCH us, either consciously or unconsciously after sex to see if we change. STAY the fun, carefree girl he’s been dating. If he enjoyed the sex and if he felt you were compatible he will ask to see you again. As a woman you can steer the interaction to a proper date, not just a home sex date. Just because a man is a bit reluctant to commit doesn’t mean he isn’t a good guy or won’t make a good boyfriend.
If he hasn’t committed in the next few weeks — you’ll have your answer. Evan Marc Katz says the best thing women can do, most of the time in dating, is NOTHING. The man’s actions will reveal all – then you can make decisions that are in your best interest.December 4, 2019 at 10:14 pm #779906
I would add to T’s comments don’t PLAY the “fun, carefree girl”… that has to be real. When you put on the breezy cool girl ACT, guys feel it and spot it 100 miles away and they know something’s off, you’re trying too hard to snare them, and they run the other way. It’s about valuing yourself enough that you don’t make yourself a doormat for him to wipe his feet on. Not attractive. Guys don’t like a total “yes” woman who has no boundaries. They lose respect.December 4, 2019 at 10:14 pm #779907
It may very well be too soon to define anything.
If you’re picking up on any red flags you have to decide for yourself when to say something.
When one is READY to be the best version of themselves, one knows what needs to be done. We all know right from wrong. Don’t buy the “I don’t know what I want” story if/when that time comes.