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- This topic has 7 replies and was last updated 2 years, 1 month ago by
Lyn.
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Lyn
Hi. I gotta know this 48yo divorced man via a dating app. 13 years of marriage (no kids by choice) and divorce was finalised just a year ago. But issues were accumulated over the years. As we chatted along, we have many similar values and perspectives. However, what turns me off was… he kept rambling on and on about his ex spouse’s personality and the various scenarios which I thought it’s ungentlemanly of him.
In fact, he had asked me out on 2 occasions but I turned him down as I already have plans. Then few mornings ago, he sent a text wishing me all the best in finding my life partner. I wished him as well & moved on. But just yesterday, he texted me again and asked me for my availability for a dinner.. what does he want? Just felt irritated and don’t feel like meeting him..
Maddie
He probably is backpedaling and thinking he was too hasty in sending you a blow off message. It is likely he never meant it at all, he was testing you because after you declined his date offers he wasn’t sure if you were interested, but then this game backfired. He should have just asked you directly instead of assuming, but it can be scary to put yourself out there directly like that for some people. Anyway, if you’re interested then go out with him, but he sounds insecure to me (which is why he’s still a bit stuck on how his ex behaved, that’s not necessarily a sign he’s stuck on the ex but a red flag that he’s probably not over the failure of the relationship and hasn’t finished dealing with it yet).
Lyn
Hmm.. I have the same sentiments as well.. Anyways, he shared further that they argued frequently on many minor issues and his ex spouse must have the final say. He mentioned that he has pretty high tolerance till she mentioned divorce twice during arguments that led him to give a serious thought. They went on cold war for nearly 2 years without talking to each other while staying in the same house. Finally, he couldn’t take it and asked her what she wants from this. She said she wanted him back but he has decided to move on after all her drama. Gave her the divorce papers to sign as per her request but she refused to do it. So he went ahead to file for divorce on his own and went through.. He’s not without flaws but it’s all one sided from him so I wouldn’t know if he has also tried his best to salvage or reconcile. Well.. perhaps, I will just meet him and see how it goes..
Lyn
Oh another issue was, before they got married, they already made a pact not to have kids as he wanted to focus on his career. But a few years later, she wanted a kid which he was not agreeable to it.
Maddie
I’d be careful with a 48 year old who seems like he has baggage hang ups and plays games. He’s old enough to know better and handle things maturely, and you don’t need someone that age who is a bad communicator (indicated by the game playing…). His inability to handle his issues shouldn’t be your problem. So if you do want to meet up, be wary if you notice any further red flags in person.
mama
If someone keeps bringing up their ex spouse, they are not over them. He’s in a mucky swamp of emotions and legal sh**, and drama.
Do you like drama? Because that’s what you are signing up for. Some people love this stuff! Are you one of them?
Raven
Do you really want to be his therapist, helping him work through his issues with his ex?
Lyn
Thanks all! Nah I’m not gonna and don’t wanna be his therapist at all. He gotta go seek help if he needs one. Anyways, I have texted him politely and turned down the dinner date. Peace. 😌
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