Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › How to tell him that he needs to step up his game or I am going for another guy?
- This topic has 12 replies and was last updated 5 years, 7 months ago by
kaye.
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Katy
I met this guy, we clicked, and went on a date. However, recently he’s been texting me less and isn’t initiating seeing me again (I know he’s busy though). I still like him but there is another guy I know who I think is cute and I think has been showing some interest. I’m not about dating multiple guy’s at the same time. How can I tell how interested the first guy really is and communicate to him (without stating it right out) that I am not going to wait around for him?
Gemini615
By being less available. What do you have against dating more than one guy? You barely know this other guy and he’s already not putting in enough effort so why not go out with others? Dates are just dates, it doesn’t need to be super serious. But if you are consistently less available, be it because you’re dating others, taking up a hobby, or going out with friends, he will notice if he cares enough. And he’ll get the message that he needs to EARN your time by stepping up and putting forth more effort. If he doesn’t step up then he’s not the one for you. But don’t ever bring it up to him in conversation. Men do not like women complaining about what they aren’t doing and it will likely make him create even more distance. Being less available is a much better way to get your point across while keeping busy, making yourself happy, and showing him you are a high value girl that doesn’t wait around for any man.
Ashley
Remember that dating is accepting dates if you want to accept them. It’s about getting to know people. It doesn’t have to be heavy or about hooking up. Dating is the best thing you can do to not only find a possible good match, but to keep your self esteem in a good place & not focusing on one guy too much. When you date a couple people at once it keeps you in a great energy that is attractive to guys, they feel they need to work for you when you aren’t focused on the right off the bat. Anyway to answer your question if the first guy is interested he’ll make it known. You’ll be able to tell. You don’t do anything or say anything about it. All you do is live your life as you normally do. You don’t initiate contact let him come to you. That demonstrates through your actions that you aren’t focusing/waiting around on him. No guy will think you’re waiting around for him anyway – unless you act like you are by making mistakes like texting him first
LL
How? By not telling him. By just doing it instead.
It’s that simple.
Men respond to actions, not words.
Em
“How to tell him that he needs to step up his game or I am going for another guy?”
Who are you to tell him he “needs” to do anything?
He is not your boyfriend. You are not his girlfriend. Both of you are free to come and go. No relationship obligations apply.
It is *your* job to find the person who best fits what you want from life. It is *your* job to be open to better possibilities (like Guy B) and seize them while you can. It is *your* job to keep it moving if you feel unsatisfied. Not his.
Stop surrendering your agency. Stop focusing on getting a guy. Focus on finding someone who best fits your life. The men who don’t just smile and keep it moving.
If he reaches out again and you do not want to keep seeing him anymore, say this:
– Thank you for your message;
– I had a great time with you and think you are a [insert compliment] guy;
– But I do not think your level of interest is strong;
– So I am looking elsewhere;
– I wish you well, good luck.L
Em love the comment: Who are you to tell him he “needs” to do anything?
That comments states it all you don’t need to tell him anything…date the other guy and who cares if the other guy calls to see you then see how you feel about him. You may not even want to see him after dating the 2nd guy!
Dating two guys is not about going on a date with each one on the same night your just keeping your options open!
kaye
It’s not dating multiple guys because you’re not “dating” the first guy!! You had one date and he hasn’t initiated another one. If the second guy ask you out, then go out and have fun. Don’t waste your time waiting around on a guy who’s not showing interest.
Em
“Dating two guys is not about going on a date with each one on the same night your just keeping your options open!”
This.
Believe doors are open for you in every part of life. Make that your life mission and you will never have to “tell” a man into interest.
Worst case free dinner.
Just throwing that out there.
Rose
You send the message by doing nothing. Get busy with your life and if he misses you then he will step up.
If he doesn’t, you move on.
Jordan
You don’t tell him anything. You date other people. You shouldn’t be this attached so soon when you don’t even know the guy. That’s where women mess up. Jumping in front of the gun.
Becky
By doing what?? If someone isn’t stepping up, I just leave. I think what she’s asking here is how to give a guy a chance to step up without being condescending and giving him a chance to learn about what to do. He can make his own choice whether or not he wants to but should understand the consequences if he does nothing.
jacquetta
Hi Katy,
You can tell how interested the first guy is by him showing it – initiating contact and another date! Sorry, he’s not doing that. You are not actually dating him after one date and no other date organised, so don’t have any qualms about going out with guy 2!kaye
Becky I think your advice may be 3 years too late for the OP!!!
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