Home › Forums › Break Up Advice › How do I get over an *sshole?
- This topic has 23 replies and was last updated 6 years, 9 months ago by
Lorie.
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Bre
Really could use some advice in getting over that person who hurt you more quickly, I wanna move on but I can’t quite stop thinking about this guy whom I really really liked, possibly even loved.
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This topic was modified 8 years, 4 months ago by Eric Charles.
Mae
Context, please?
Bre
Well, he was awesome in the beginning, but now I feel like he just uses me when he’s bored, I can’t wait for him any longer it just tears me down.
Maria
Yes, what’s the story? how long ago did you breakup?
Getting over an asshole is harder than over a normal guy it seems, I am in the same boat. 3 months no contact. But it is getting better, finally.
Amy S
Yup assholes aka bad boys. The highs are higher when dealing with these guys. Its not love its infatuation. Keep reminding yourself why hes such an asshole. x
Andy
I’ve had women friends like this, but at my age, I really don’t care.
Change your standards. Find another guy.
Amy S
Yes Andy I agree, I for one have learned my lesson. At the first sniff of something being off I will run for the hills now. I have changed my standards for the better. x
kaye
Yeah this one is hard. I dated an asshole who I swear was probably a narcissist! (BTW narcissist is a more polite term than saying self-serving, evil, manipulative asshole with no soul. :) ) He knew all the right things to say, the right things to do, to make a woman fall for him. That went on for a couple of months until I just thought he was the man of my dreams and this perfect guy… then he starts to show his true colors. Or let down his “mask” as the literature out there says and you realize the guy is really a jerk! But it’s so hard to rationalize with yourself and realize the man of your dreams who you fell for is not even this same guy! He was pretending to be who you wanted for you to buy into it because he’s an amazing manipulator. And you think well if everything would just go back to the way it was in the beginning and if he would just stop acting like that and act like he did in the beginning…and it’s a perpetual merry go round you have in your brain. So you have to step off the merry go round. Realize the guy you fell for doesn’t exist, this guy you were dating is an asshole and you’re not okay with spending the rest of your life with an asshole and start moving forward… Good Luck!!
V
It’s normal to think about a guy you’ve liked in the past, even if they treated you poorly. The guy I was last involved I still think about him a lot and it’s been over 2 years since I last spoke to him. The key is to not let those thoughts overpower your progress and go backwards to revisit a negative situation. Again this is normal, so don’t worry about it too much. Just as long as he stays away and don’t try to come back to screw with your head again then you’re fine :)
Carol
Ass holes are the worst because you can’t believe they treated you so badly. You can’t believe they’re not sorry for their actions, and you can’t believe that you let them treat u badly.
The thing is to remember he treated you badly, so u don’t want to be with him.
Also eventually forgive . Because keeping the anger inside you causes bitterNess and resentment which is not good for u physically and mentally .
Then stay on your own for a while. It will take time to trust againAmelie K
Kaye you nailed it. Could have wrote that myself about my narcissistic ex. Man he was good but again I still miss the passion and the flattery but of course that fell away. Now i want normal, not the highs and the very very lows. x
cara
Gosh please take the advice. Life is to short once a jerk always a jerk. I was in the same boat as you I cried so much I thought I would die. Well last night I met up with him and we had not seen each other in 3 months. After i left he text me and said that it felt weird and it wasnt like it used to be. No shit jerk what did he expect! I dont even care now at all. I will not spend another moment trying to explain to a grown man that his feelings are normal. He got what he wanted and so did i. I wanted it to be over him I just can’t take his stupidity anymore I was really turned off and that’s normal. I am Good thank goodness.
cara
He never seemed to understand that a relationship takes work.
Rose
The answer is in the question.
Why would you hold on to an asshole???
Love yourself over anyone, respect yourself and have high standards so you will never fall for someone that doesn’t appreciate you.
Think of all the things that make you incompatible and move on.
Stefanie
The question keeps you entrenched in the problem.
A better question: “no thank you Universe… what else have you got for me?”
Hannah
Every time a good thought about him comes into your mind, remember something bad. And REALLY remember it and how bad it made you feel. Ask yourself do you really want to go back to that or do you want to move on. Actively choose not to be with him. No rose tinted glasses or self pity. This man has shown you who he is. Is that someone you really want to be with?
The more you boil it down to basics, the easier it is. He’s an asshole. You don’t want that. Your only option is to accept it and move on.
Stefanie
I’d like to suggest a concept for everyone to chew on.
No man is your friend, no man is your enemy… every man is your teacher.
Consider… there’s no such thing as an a-hole, only a-hole behavior. And even that is an interpretation you are giving it. Everyone does and says what they do for reasons. We only have part of the story so we fill in the rest based on our own beliefs.
Furthermore, I’ve watched a friend who teaches A Course In Miracles live his life for many years. He would tell you a-holes don’t exist except in your mind. I’ve never seen anyone have such easy interactions with the world. It’s his belief system.
So may I suggest that getting off “he’s an a-hole” so you can skip this whole scenario next time. You can only attract an a-hole if you’ve got a-hole in you too. The world is just a great big mirror. The outside world can only match what’s going on inside you.
This may sound kinda out there for some of you. Just think about it. Life is supposed to be a joyful journey, not a battle.
Missindependent
Think about all the negative things and take it inane day at a time soon he would be a distant memory…
redcurleysue
Think about the times you were frustrated….those would happen again and again.
You do not want the merry-go-round to keep happening in YOUR life.
L*
Sorry Stephanie, but I think this is a bunch of bull.
There IS such a thing as an asshole and no, it is not perception. There are people out there who are damaged and love to treat others badly. And no, it does not mean you are an asshole because you attract one. I used to volunteer at a shelter for women who were physically abused so I know what I am talking about. The world is NOT just a big mirror. Bad things happen to good people all the time. I have seen the worst of the worst and even when it has involved innocent children.
The secret to dealing with an asshole is simple – dont deal with them. When you see the behavior, you leave. That’s all you can do.
Jessica
@L* and @Stephanie I see both of your points about a*^holes. I do think that we can reflect and put up with behavior that could be deterred by acting in other ways. However, I disagree that you have to be a bit of an a*^hole to be with an a*^hole. But I do think the converse is true – that there are some people that are just so nice, they are taken advantage of by predatory type people – and those sweet people are not responsible one bit, except that maybe they are a little naive. Yes, they learn, but it is a cruel process. And those people that harm the truly kind angelic souls are the real a*^holes – so yes, they do exist. There are situations in the middle – where it takes two to tango – and where both have some degree of responsibility. In every situation, you learn – about others and yourself – regardless of the outcome.
I think the number one thing that you always have to keep in mind is respect – most especially for yourself. You need to learn to be aware and sniff even a hint of disrespect from people. If you do this, you can prevent most damaging situations. When someone is disrespectful beyond repair, you must remove yourself from them.
How to get over an a*^hole? Just know that, for whatever reason, this person was not meant to be for you and G-d, the Universe or whatever higher being you believe in, has a different person in mind for you – and trust that this other person and path is infinitely better.
The first heartbreak is always the hardest – but once you love again, you know it is always possible. And when you learn to love yourself, your happiness will never be dependent on someone else.
Skylar
I think men are *ssholes to women when they don’t want to be with you and are not into you. The same guy can be the sweetest, best guy to another woman that he likes and wants to be with.
Lorie
Thank you so much for this interpretation. Its opened my eyes and I relate to this interpretation. Majes alot of sense
Lorie
I am still not over the A**hole I fell for.. Taking baby steps but I think this time am going to go all the way.
The first time we “broke up”..(he just vanished with no reason), came back apologised I stupidly fell for it..but when he left again I dug deep in myself to find out why it was him.. To be honest I then realised that I needed to face my childhood demons(that I had never ever thought about) long story short, I have never felt enough please dont feel sorry for me( am am amazing person so many people gave told me over and over in my life) but the one person that tells me something negative.. That sticks😞 and when I met this A**hole he was the man of my dreams, he made me feel like I was in heaven, until he’s mask dropped. I still thought the world of him so every time he treated me bad..oh he did..nothing physical but mostly emotional and that’s the worst.. But I tried to let go of him..lived my life 2+months went by and I was doing great.. Then I met him……
Gosh he got to me again…strang me along this lasted weeks until he disappeared again after lying to me… I have accepted that I need to work on my boundaries..be stronger and mostly listen to my instinct..
I am better than this so as much as one said we tend to attract these A**holes because we are A**holes too( try to think deeper.. I am not an A**hole but I possible can have A**hole tendencies if I look deeper inside me..(it may not be extreme but its there… ) so yes I agree with this conclusion.. But in addition to this is the fact that we are attracted to what’s wrong for us because *Life* is trying to make us face what is wrong with us..face whatever we haven’t faced, make it right or better still acknowledge it all.. Only then will we be free.
So I know am being molded for the one that’s right for me, the one I deserve but to get there I need to start now.. One can never know what’s right until they get a taste of what’s wrong..
So until then, i am letting go and learning from.why I let my heart be swept away by such a person..
Thanks for reading💕
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This topic was modified 8 years, 4 months ago by
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