Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › Fight Over Text. Being Ignored by Boyfriend after I gave sincere apology
- This topic has 9 replies and was last updated 9 years, 4 months ago by
Andrea.
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laura
Earlier today my Boyfriend of 9th months posted a picture on Facebook that I found offensive. It was Ferguson related and our first fight about 2 weeks ago was about opposite views on the issue. Long story short… I told him the Facebook post was offensive to me and I made a bunch of comments telling him I need to find less offensive material to post or not to post anything at all. The last text I got was ” Just nevermind Im done, Im going to go back to work because apparently only I read that (the facebook post) right”
About 30 min later I wrote an apology that placed all the blame on me, I said he has a right to post his opinion but I asked him to please consider blocking me from seeing Ferguson related post, as it a trigger for arguments and I dont think fighting over this is pointless. I wrote an unconditional apology, that didnt place blame on him and offered a valid solution to the problem.
Its been 5 hours and I have not heard a response. I know he is home, he is not busy unless he is with friends. I know not to text him back, but if he is going to ignore me im not going to stick around for long I am not tolerate of the silent treatment I think it is really immature. I dont know what I should do if anything at all. And I would like to know when too long is too long to wait and also when is it too early to dump him for ignoring me. As a guy, when you give the silent treatment, how long does it usually last?
Raven
Hi Laura,
I don’t follow many ‘rules’ but in this instance, I’d give him 3 full days…
He needs time to think…
You need time to think…Lagirl
You told hi what not to post? I would not want someone who did such a thing.
Lagirl
Him
Carrie
Hi Laura…this happens and it’s okay. Just learn from it and allow him the freedom to express who he is just the same as you would appreciated being accepted for who are.
I understand you are feeling impatient but please, hang in there. Do not apologize again and allow him the space and time to get over it and come to you. Remember, not everyone operates on the same time frames, so please try as hard as possible to not push further and let him come to you. When he does, tell him you are glad you can learn from the experience and then move on. Do not dwell on it.
laura
I did tell him what to post and if you read further I apologized for it and told him he has the right to post what he wants. I asked him to block me however because what he posts hurts my feelings and upsets me so I do think I am justified in asking him to block me from certain posts
if my feelings are hurt I have to speak up.
Sassperilla
Consider also that if you have such polar views on an emotive subject then maybe you’re not so well suited? Of course you can’t agree on everything but if it’s a matter of principle on which you are so far apart then how many other principles and beliefs are you at odds over?
LAgirl
It seems there are two things to learn from this:
1. How to control your emotions. If you are going to get hurt just because you don’t like what someone says, you will go through your entire life feeling hurt. People have the right to say what they want, and it is your choice to accept or reject it. You can even debate it. But what you suggested to him was called censorship.
2. Did you apologize because you don’t want him upset with you? Or because you really mean it? Think about that. I say this because I agree with the poster above. If you have such diverse views on topics, you either have to learn to tolerate it or determine if you are truly a good fit for each other.
LAgirl
You also said, ‘when my feelings are hurt, I have to speak up’… really?
If you were at work and your boss ‘hurt your feelings’ would you go off on him?
I believe you might want to really rethink your attitude about this. When someone says something that you don’t like – why does that equate to hurt feelings?
I work with so many people, all over the country. I also worked in psychiatric care for many years. If I went off every time someone ‘hurt my feelings’ I would never be able to successfully function in life.
Someone on here had a great quote which I may not get completely right.. but it goes something like this: Grow a thick skin, but keep a soft heart.
Andrea
1) If he did hurt your feeling first, why do you apologize?
2) It’s easier you stop visiting his Facebook and block him than asking him to block you;
3) If you don’t know what to do, better do nothing.
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