Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › Best friend says he loves me but has a girlfriend
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Amanda.
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Nana
Hello everyone,
It’s my first time posting on forum, I hope I’ll be able to get as many insight as possible.
Here’s the issue :
I’ve been friends with this guy for over thirteen years. We get along so well mutual friends and even just random people have frequently suggested that he liked me more than a friend or vice versa. Eventually a year after we met, he confessed he was in love with me. At that time, we were so young and I was so afraid I might lose our precious friendship that I told him his feelings were not reciprocated. Truth was that I loved him too. Years passed and we resumed to our lives as best friends both thinking that the case was closed.
Well, not so long ago, he kissed me and professed his love for me. I am so shocked I haven’t met him since then. I am even more shocked because he is dating a girl for the last 3 years and their relationship seemed totally fine. I don’t quite understand because he repeatedly said that she makes him happy and that he loves her.
We have an amazing chemistry and a strong relationship. I do love him but given our past and our current situation ( me just trying to figure out what I want out of life and him being in a committed relationship for three years) I didn’t get the opportunity to properly tell him how I felt over all these years. I feel overwhelmed and need an outsider’s opinion.
So where do I go from here? Why did he cheat on his girlfriend with me? I am so lost… What should I do?
Thank you for your help
NathalieP
Think of it like an unfinished buisness. He liked you from way before but never got a chance to discorver what this is between you two. IMO he still wants to find out even though he has a gal.
Dont get yourself in this mess please. If you want anything with him he first have to end things with his current girlfriend..and even then it will be too soon to date him right away. Since you guys are good friends approach him with the subject and get a view on what he is thinking. You have nothing to lose.
L
So you want to be with a guy that is a cheater?
Nana
As long as he has his girlfriend, I don’t intend to start anything. I just want to understand the consequences of what happened and how to deal with it.
NathalieP : thank you for your advice, I will talk with him about this matter so I can know what he is actually thinking.
L : please develop
anna
dear Nana
If I were you I would not start a relation with him right away. I think the man is a bit confused. You have to be the mature one and let him get things straight inside himself. Of course he cannot love both of you girls. He has to decide, and this does not mean that you have to wait for his decision. What do you really want? Imagine he left his GF. Well, now you can be together. How does it sound to you? a nice start? I try to put in your shoes: I have little elements to express an opinion based on all facts, what I can tell You is that I would not be glad to cause the end of a relationship. I think my happiness would not be full. that’s my opinion and my attitude, of course..If you really love him, tell him that you don’t want to mess up while he is still together with his GF. I would walk away and wait. If he goes on with her, well his supposed love for you is not true. If he talks with her and they find a different solution, they admit their love has come to an end and they walk away from each other (hopefully out of mutual agreement), then it is another pair of sleeves
sorry for my poor English, I am Italian but want to help You taking the best decision..
let me know
I wish you the bestNana
Dear Anna,
I would totally feel the same. As NathalieP said earlier even if he did break up with his girlfriend, I would not be able to engage in a relationship right away.
If anything were ever to happen, I would want it to be under the right circumstances.After lots of thought, I am going to try and salvage our friendship first. He has a girlfriend and he is dating her for three years. I remember every time he told me she was making him happy and that he loves her. As you said he is definitely confused, also I don’t want my feelings to cause this couple’s breakup. I lied about not loving him once, I’m sure I can do it again. I will try to forget about this incident and get on with my life.
Your English is good! I understand the struggle though, English is not my first language too. I am French :)
Pandora
Why did you reject him the first time? why did you lie to him not loving him when you did love him?
I dont think you really love him or loved him back then
maybe you love him just as a friend
I feel sorry for his girlfriend
Nana
To Pandora :
The first time I rejected him was because we were too young. Plus I had a very difficult time in high school because I was ill and serious problems with my family, I didn’t want him to suffer because of my personal life’s issues. I realize that it may have not been the best decision I have made but I was an unexperienced teenager and it was the only solution I could come up with. That’s why I have lied.
anna
Nana
I think you really love this man because you are willing to let him go even if you feel for him and you may hurt someone else’s feelings. Call it love, call it friendship I don’t know, but you care about him. I think you are a honest woman. Time or chance or destiny will give you the answer. Be patient, maybe you’ll get the answer very soon. in the meantime I think that you should not lie to him about what you feel, if you do that in terms of affection. You could say that you have him dear, but you are resolute about the fact that you won’t be seeing of him nor talking to him until everything is clear between him and his GF. He may be going through a crisis, this does not mean you have to take advantage of a moment of frailty in their couple. You must not be the cause. Go out with someone else if possible, it may help you understand if you really love him as a GF or as a friend. My opinion. Au revoir!!!!!!
Monic
Hi!
I have a pretty similar situation, I would like to know how your story end to take some advice.
Thank you!
Natasha
Monic, what is your situation? Why are there are so many men loving two women at once? Doesn’t sound good to me
Raven
Knock knock…
Who’s there?
Hello, he’s got a girlfriend 😐
Sweetie187
Raven, your comment made me laugh!!
But you forgot the “hello” and “hello who?” 😅
Amanda
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