Withdrawing because of stress, not sure what to do

@AngieBaby, it’s weird that the projecting preferences comment got you triggered. Either you’re incapable of seeing how apparent it is in so many (not all obv) people’s opinions out there, or are unwilling to admit it. Which is a strange reaction because it’s not that terrible of a thing. Our experiences and prefs seep into a lot of what we do. I’m writing this in a very calm tone btw :-)

@Liz I appreciate your contributions to this forum. And I admire the way you think. But you too completely missed my point. I was very specific in mentioning that work has an effect on me and many other men that nothing else has. Your anecdote was about your bf’s mother.

In comparison, I had my father in the hospital. And resuscitated. I’m way closer to him than my mother. Another time, I was involved first hand in making my sister safe from a messed up marriage that was so twisted it got immediately annulled in court(!). I was so stressed during the latter I slept in the same bed as her for a few nights for her safety and my own sanity. Yet… in both those instances I was very communicative with my then-gfs.

Gun to my head to make a decision, and I would give OP’s guy the benefit of the doubt. Even though more info/context can help. And even though I admit that there are tons of messed up men out there who find excuses/lies to cowardly ghost someone instead of ending it honorably and honestly.

But it all boils down to what OP can handle. Uncertainty truly is a killer and if she can’t cope with this situation then definitely, I encourage her to move on. I would wholeheartedly support her decision without shaming her or anything. It’s totally justified. But doing that while labeling the guy who lost his business as some sort of player/coward… that’s some unethical sour grapes rationalization. And I like to call a spade a spade

Maybe there is a chance you weren’t triggered. But in my experience anyone who starts their responses to someone with overdramatic laughter aka ROTFL and LOL… is either triggered or not very mature at handling their suppositions challenged. I wish you a pleasant weekend too

Wow, I didn’t realize that my post was going to lead to so many exchanges. It comes to show that when it comes to the matters of the heart, we all have different opinions and that we are all influenced by our past experiences and our own nature…

I have now called it off with this man. It turns out it wasn’t the business but that he was intentionally distancing himself. He sent me a message the morning after the missed call that was very nonchalant, saying that he did try to call me but then forgot about his phone until the next day and he just wanted to say hi and check how I was doing and wished me a good day. No mention of seeing each other or anything. I answered that I wasn’t sure what to respond and that I did empathize with everything he was going through and that I completely understood that his business was an absolute priority but that it was becoming a little bit harder for me to not take it personally. I added that maybe it was just a communication issue and that I did not want to add more drama to his life and that I’ve tried to be a source of comfort but that I could only tell him how I felt and that I was a little confused. He responded the next day, starting with talks about the weather and then said that he understood where I was coming from and that indeed there had been some distance between us because of the holidays and then quarantine and then what happened at work. It made him think a lot and since he has plans to move back to his home country once the business is established here, he doesn’t see the point in committing or having a monogamous relationship (!!!) but perhaps it would be better to have something a little bit more free and less committed, to let him know what I think and big kisses.

I could not believe it… Of course I responded thanks but no thanks, that he made a choice not to commit and that he didn’t want a relationship I could accept but to think that I am the kind of woman who is just good enough for casual sex said a lot about his opinion of me and made me feel quite cheap and basic whether he intended it or not. So I said that I was going to save myself some precious time, dust off my bruised ego and move on and I wished him all the best. He never replied.

It sucks and it hurts but I’m glad I stood up for myself in a calm and dignified way and took control of my life and my heart. I liked him but I love myself more.

Hi Sonja I am glad you finally got the answer and don’t have to deal with this any longer. I think you handled it well and its unfortunate that he couldn’t just be honest once he knew that it wasn’t going to work and preferred something casual. At that point it is your decision to proceed or not which obviously you did not want.
I think this was a learning experience and even though not everyone handles difficulties the same the fact this happened when it did just proved the relationship was not bound to move forward. You will find someone and there will be no confusion on where you stand! Now take some time for yourself and enjoy your freedom.

Now I find myself wondering what is happening. My boyfriend of 4 years told me that he needed his space because his 23 year old daughter and her boyfriend were going to stay with him. He said that he wants to try to establish a relationship with his daughter and that she hates everyone that he gets involved with. So that meant that I had to move out in the middle of winter! I was given only 2 weeks notice which means that I had to move back to my mom’s house. It’s been a week and no call or text from him. He has done this in the past when his daughter has come into town. He disappears while she’s in town and then contacts me when she’s gone. But the odd part about all of this is that I’ve seen his car parked outside a local bar twice in the past week. So I’m wondering if the they’re actually staying at his house or did plans change? I would just think that he would be at home after work with the guests in his house rather than sitting at the bar. I also don’t understand why he can’t send me a text just to check in with me. He was in tears the morning that I left and apologized to me. I want to text him so bad but yet I want to respect the space that he asked for. I don’t know if I should just move on or wait 3 weeks when his daughter is gone to see what happens. Any advice would be helpful!

Anderson, if you don’t follow the ‘pack mentality’ you will be shamed. Thankfully I have tough skin LOL.