Why would a rebounder try to stay friends with you after dating fails?


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This topic contains 3 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Eric Charles 1 month ago.

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  • #933861 Reply

    Lilly

    In my case, I was dating a guy for a little over a month and he recently told me that he thought he’s over his ex at first but recently started feeling like he’s not (they broke up in Jan). He kept saying how I’m a great person and that he doesn’t wanna lose me ever and hopes I don’t hate him. When I told him that I’d rather keep a bit more distance while he takes his time to heal, he asked if we can stay as friends, at least.

    What would make a rebounder want to stay friends? Is it pity, trying not to be the villain and doesn’t want to feel ‘hated’, wants to keep me around in case he wants to try again in the future, or just genuinely wants to be friends?

    #933865 Reply

    Gaia

    Only he knows his reasons. I suggest keeping your distance pretty far unless you really think you can just be friends. It’s not an easy road though especially if you have already been dating.

    Believe the negatives. He isn’t over his ex. He only wants you as a friend. Most likely as a placeholder so he can have the feeling of having a girlfriend without the commit to one.

    #933897 Reply

    Tallspicy

    Because he does not want to feel like a jerk, and he likes you as a person. But do not let that confuse you.

    #933905 Reply

    Eric Charles
    Keymaster

    He had a relationship with this ex for some amount of time.

    Guys sometimes don’t realize the depth of the intimacy and the value it brought to his life until it’s gone. Then, in the absence of the dynamic, he becomes aware of value he didn’t see before.

    If he were alone and going through this grieving process, he may have either attempted to get back with his ex or accepted she is gone but moved forward with greater knowledge of himself and the value of intimacy.

    People (men and women) tend to be unprepared for a breakup and unaware of what the relationship brought to them. On top of that, the pain makes them want immediate relief and many people will try to find a replacement to fill the hole they feel.

    It’s only after some amount of time that they realize the hole is deeper than having a person there… it’s the intimacy and connection they miss.

    They realize it after they’ve started something with someone new. They didn’t know better and they didn’t mean to string the new person along, but now they’re in that situation where they realize the “hole” they feel inside is still there and this new relationship didn’t give them the immediate pain relief they wanted.

    See, that’s just it. They were motivated to find pain relief because they never went through the natural grieving process after the breakup and therefore never healed from it.

    He probably wants to be friends because you have some amount of connection, you get along and he cares for you in a way.

    But to be really honest, I think guilt could be a part of it too. He probably feels bad that he didn’t know better and got into something with you before he was ready to be in a relationship with anyone.

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