Why would a guy say he’s not ready to be with somebody even if its just for fun

Often the appeal in someone is not so much the act of sex itself but conquering them sexually. Once that’s done, the interest in the person is done too.

“Sex is an act that has nothing to do with feelings.”

what? i mean, that might be true for some but those people are repressed emotionally and probably lousy in the sack.

Nah, being repressed or unskilled has nothing to do with it. Some attach feelings to sex. Some don’t. Simple as that. Doesn’t make one worse than the other.

It’s possible for one person to do either too. For me it depends on the person i.e. sex is all I want with majority of the women I meet. And most of those, it’s just to conquer them = one night stand. Forget actual sex, there are even a handful who I lost interest after sexting or nudes. What I want with someone gets established very early/rapidly upon meeting them. Some combination of looks and character.

This might make you think, “Okay I get the only-sex or conquering appeal. That’s what I want with this guy too! So what’s the problem?” Except sometimes there is no appeal in sleeping with someone, again or at all, who gives themselves freely/easily.

Don’t get cynical. I don’t pursue women knowing full well I want to only pump and dump them. But it wasn’t until ~25 I got self-aware about this. Or maybe part of me didnt care or I wasnt mentally strong enough. Because I did make a few attempts to deceptively conquer women who I knew wanted an actual relationship instead, but I remember my annoying conscience kicking in, or me giving up because they would’ve taken way too long to put out.

Very occasionally, I meet someone and want more than sex/conquering. And yes there is emotion and intimacy associated with sex. Barring one fwb, those are only the women I’ve been with in a relationship with or seriously pursued. Again, sex and its pursuit is not entirely about getting off but power and what strokes one’s ego.

Cara, i think you have a hard time understand male ways of thinking. And well Anderson is one of very few males willing to give his perspective. Instead of insulting how good he is in bed (and im sure he doesnt care at all) youre better off taking notes. Many men can have sex without any emotions. And even good sex they may not want to repeat as they are aware more sex leads to higher expectations of women and they may not want to adress that.

I am honestly confused by the original question. Men are not mindless robots who only want sex. They are human beings with thoughts and emotions, and (like everyone) they have personal issues and baggage. The guy told you he is not ready for any kind of relationship, even a casual one based on sex. Why is that so hard to believe?

I also agree with the commentary that men can have sex without involving their emotions (my bf and I have actually discussed this topic). But it doesn’t mean they don’t HAVE emotions, or that their emotions can’t be engaged at some point down the line. So OP, this guy had sex with you a couple of times, and now he doesn’t want to any more because he’s not in a mental place for that kind of situation. That’s totally legit and believable.

Most likely he’s married or has a girlfriend- great sex- but he has an obligation to someone else- hence the no response. There are many out there. I’m amazed at the extent men will go to have sex- constant communication, interest, etc. once they’ve had their fill- they’re gone. It’s sad but true. It’s too bad they don’t communicate this from the beginning.