This topic contains 24 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Raven 1 month ago.
September 23, 2020 at 8:06 am #814519
I’m in my 30s and dating .
Recently I’ve noticed that many men I meet on apps ask me to send them pictures (nothing sexy, just of me) once we start chatting , before we meet .
Some of them start by sending a couple of pictures of themselves (selfies , usually just sitting / normal) and they ask for pictures of me.
I’m wondering if this is normal … I already have quite a few pictures on the apps (which is why they message me in the first place). I’m also open to video chatting or meeting in person but the conversation doesn’t even get deep or to that point when they ask for a picture .
It makes me feel weird sending out pictures to a guy I don’t know and I’m not comfortable with this. Is this what dating is like these days now ?? I’ve been in the dating game awhile but this issue seems to be very recent for me …
ThanksSeptember 23, 2020 at 9:22 am #814534
Some men are just pushing, but many have shown up and the woman looks nothing like their photos Older or are much heavier.
It is your choice to do it… but it is a bit of yellow flag.September 23, 2020 at 3:17 pm #814633
If it makes you feel weird don’t do it. Once pictures are out there, they are out there. They should only get something you feel comfortable with and that they have EARNED. Any interactions should be based on something genuine, not a photo exchange or just texts. Good luck.September 23, 2020 at 7:08 pm #814658
Some ask for pics to make sure you aren’t a bot, some ask for material for masturbation.
I only got such request once, so it isn’t a norm. I didn’t send him pics.
Maybe asking them why they “need” it could answer your question. If it’s recent, it might really be that that area became full of bots
ps. Definitely have something written in your bio and pics that actually say something about you, as this gives guys a bit more security that you’re a real personSeptember 23, 2020 at 8:24 pm #814666
I feel like this is low class, and the guy is low quality when they ask for more pictures. I’m in the same boat as you. I get offended and stop talking to them although if they ask for more selfies. If I wanted to send you a selfie of myself, I would do it on my own time. Likewise, if you want to see me, you can ask me on a date and see what I look like in person.
That being said, I think they are trying to figure out if you look like how your pictures look. Some girls take pics of themselves from 10 years ago when they were 30 lbs lighter. Then the guy goes on the date and is like wtf. Many guys have told me this is why they ask girls for more selfies.September 23, 2020 at 9:11 pm #814669
men ask for pictures because he wants to see how you look. he wants to know if he is attracted t0 you before he go any further, lets face it,,, how you look to that man will determine if he want to go out with you. than comes your personality. usually when a man is attracted to you he will ask for pictures all the time nude pics to cause wants to see all of you.
September 23, 2020 at 9:40 pm #814670
- This reply was modified 1 month ago by ANM Staff. Reason: All CAPS is considered 'yelling'! I 'toned it down', carry on! :)
There is no reason to YELL…September 23, 2020 at 10:55 pm #814673
T from NY
The chances of a man being high quality asking you for pics is super low. No guy really interested in getting to know you for real is gonna waste time snapping or chatting – they want meet up in real life. And don’t let them fool you – they may start off sending you selfies and asking you in kind, then loe and behold they send one of themselves shirtless in bed. propped up on their pillow (gross) expecting you to send something semi-sexy back. OR they are putting out feelers to see if you are one of massive amounts of women who literally send sexy pics to men they’ve never met or barely know for their spank bank. Ya. It’s a flag. And it’s immature.
I’ve had a couple of men send a pic because I also felt they were trying to get me to take a pic of myself “in real time” to find out if I look like my pics. When I get that felling I just say – Im not much of a selfie girl! But happy to facetime for a few before meeting up! If not I look forward to meeting you. That usually reassures them. If they ask after that – I walk.September 23, 2020 at 10:58 pm #814674
I dont know why you find that unusual? If you are looking to connect with someone, knowing what you look like is a normal response?September 23, 2020 at 11:45 pm #814678
OP here . I find it unusual because they’ve already seen pictures of me . Why not have a video chat instead of me sending pictures .
I have to agree with some of the others it does seem quite low quality to ask a girl for more pictures when there are already pictures on the site . Personally I don’t connect with a guy more If he sends me pictures (at least not until I’m dating them) so I feel weird sending pictures to a guy I don’t know .
I’ll keep sticking to what feels right .
Last week this one guy was almost fighting me for pictures and kept telling me mine were blurry / far away (they’re not! And why did you contact me in the first place then – at that time I had no bio written and all he had to go by was my pictures ). I told him I am not comfortable with that, said I can chat by video – and when the time came for the video chat he said he’s too tired .
Go figure. Deleted him soon after .
Also I’ve noticed that the ones who ask almost demand it and persist / insist after seeing I’m not comfortable doing it .September 24, 2020 at 12:24 pm #814733
When I was on dating sites, I usually made a point of putting the date a photo was taken on the image so guys would know how recent they were. And I usually put up photos that were no more than 2 months old.
I did have one guy ask for pictures and I joked with him, “why? Did you forget what I looked like?” and he said yes. Talk about low effort!
Think of it this way, when they ask/demand pictures at least they’re making the screening process easier for you. Delete!!! lolSeptember 25, 2020 at 10:48 am #814867
Personally I request for pictures for none of the reasons you have outlined here. It’s has everything to do with loyalty for me.September 25, 2020 at 11:14 am #814868
I feel curious about what type of loyalty you could are asking for from someone you have never even met when you ask for a photo, but can look at their profile. Tell us more….September 25, 2020 at 1:08 pm #814879
I’m curious as well about the loyalty thing. I’m not making the connection.
I’ve had guys straight up ask for photos. Some have come outright and asked for a full body picture. Others have asked for inappropriate and some have said they are just hoping for a current picture. There are people who never update their profiles which means the photos are seriously outdated. One of my male friends said he asks for a current photo with no filters because he’s shown up to a date and the woman looked nothing like the profile. Those are the most typical reasons. I think it helps weed out the creeps.September 25, 2020 at 1:44 pm #814883
1st two sentences of T from NY’s response- exactly it.September 25, 2020 at 1:51 pm #814885
Absolutely very silly to have a guy ask for a woman to send pictures without filters!! My god !! What makes the dude think he’s so great the girl has to prove herself to him. So gross.
As a woman I also always know there is a chance the guy doesn’t look like his picture . What’s the worst that can happen ? It’s a bad date and then I go home . So what? Men have to start adopting this mentality too.September 25, 2020 at 2:06 pm #814888
that “loyalty” thing sounds creepy to me. Now if the poster meant ‘authenticity’ or ‘sincerity’ in meeting up, then maybe I could understand. But loyalty means absolutely nothing when 1) you haven’t done anything to earn it, and 2) you haven’t even met yet.September 25, 2020 at 2:50 pm #814893
@Vera- I actually disagree with you. I think it’s a reasonable request to want to know what the person you are meeting up with actually looks like with no filters. I’ve seen women who look absolutely nothing like their profile pictures when you see them in real life. It’s off-putting for a guy or a girl. I don’t think it’s a matter of proving yourself to the other person to send an unfiltered picture.September 25, 2020 at 3:24 pm #814905
I think it is silly because of the following :
– if the girl’s pictures are very clearly filtered, why is the guy talking to her in the first place ? If it was something she wrote in the app that drew him to her , then obviously he is attracted to her personality .
Best way of verification? Meet me in person or video !! Jeez .
In an already shallow society , this request makes me feel the guy is even more shallow. Thank you, nextSeptember 25, 2020 at 4:48 pm #814910
Vera, you really need to get ‘offline’ and start meeting men in person who can see and talk to you in real life. If your interesting enough then they’ll want to get to know ‘you’ better v. asking for a stupid picture. There are so many online trolls today its literally a full time job weeding 98% of the trolls out, where the 2% (non-trolls) is like finding a needle in a haystack.
Men are everywhere! They work/live near where you work/live, they take lunch, they get their oil changed, they go shopping, they go to your friends BBQs/parties; they go to local festivals, they play sports, they walk their dogs, etc.
I highly suggest you take a online break. Get out, do some fun things and TALK to men while your out doing it. All you have to do is strike up a conversation. Bet it will get you much further than the time you spend on the online trolls.September 25, 2020 at 4:57 pm #814912
Lane you are so right . I am trying but it is hard with COVID. I do have success with meeting men in person but those who ask me out are not the ones I’m into (so far). Online dating is really wiping me out . I’ll go on a bunch of dates with a guy and then it just fizzles. I think it’s the “disposable” mentality of online dating – illusion of many options – makes it hard for men or women to truly value the person they’re dating and develop something real.
But I’ll continue to try to meet people in person . Hopefully the pandemic will be in the past soon enoughSeptember 25, 2020 at 6:21 pm #814919
I get its a tough time and could only venture its tougher ‘online’ because of all the BORED people using it to pass idle time.
Things are opening back up; beaches, zoo’s, parks, etc. so there’s no reason to not get out there and meet them IRL before winter comes haha :o)September 25, 2020 at 10:28 pm #814933
Girl you could seen them a day ago and they still want pic
Welcome to single land in a world where men are addicted to asking for pics. It doesn’t ever end and men take he worst ones I’m not a selfie person so yes it feels corny to me to constantly send pics to a person that’s seem some already or seen me.September 25, 2020 at 10:34 pm #814935
I went out with one guy a couple weeks ago and then he texted me asking for a picture ! I feel uncomfortable sending out a picture to a guy I’ve only been out with once too.September 25, 2020 at 10:59 pm #814940
Send him a pix of your middle finger!