Why didn't he get me anything for our 1 year anniversary


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  • #357887 Reply
    megan

    My bf and I one year anniversary was yesterday. I thought maybe he would get me something but he didnt. He came home and I told him I got him a card and he’s like I didn’t get you anything and I just said that’s fine but really I was a little upset. He could of at least got me a card or flowers. Didn’t have to spend much but it’s the thought that counts. When I first moved in with him I found two cards one from him and one from his ex gf. He said it was from one of their anniversarys. I brought thay up last night and he’s like I don’t know what your talking bout. When he knew what I was. I’m jw why he didn’t buy me anything at all but yet he bought his ex gf cards and whatever else when they were dating. He’s the one that broke up with her by the way cuz he didn’t love her anymore n she had cheated on him. He did buy me a $65 sweatshirt last weekend cuz he spent almost 1,000 on hunting stuff and I said something along the lines how he never buys me anything but yet can spend money like that on hunting stuff with no problem. We did go out to eat and to the bar for some drinks but I still think he could of atleast got me a card.

    #357893 Reply
    Harley

    Are you the Megan who is inwesecure all the time from months back ?????

    If so.. how is your relationship overall since you last posted here ?

    better ? Still insecure ? less insecure ? arguing or not ?

    I admit.. I WOULD like a 1st anniversary pressie.. but some dudes are crap at that. Does he pay you good attention overall ?? compliment you ?? Take you out on dates ??

    I’d say he’s WELL pissed you brought the ex gf card thing up again. You have to LEARN to let some issues go ! IT’s IN THE PAST !

    #357898 Reply
    Amy

    Just tell him sweetly, awe….babe, I really like getting cards or a little something on our anniversary, I feel it so so romantic. Don’t criticize him just tell him what you like. What you like he might not feel is important, it’s whether he knows you like it and complies to make you happy that is important.

    Don’t assume he knows what makes you happy, just tell him sweetly and flirtatiously, and give him a little chill up his spine so he is sure to get you to your happy place with card in hand.

    As for the ex-girfriend, you don’t know if he bought a card for her b/c it was his idea, or because she told him to, asked him to, or they decided on gift giving prior. YOu are assuming a lot instead of communicating your wants and needs, just remember communicate in a non-critical way.

    Good luck :)

    #357932 Reply
    Lane

    Megan, guys SUCK at this stuff! Even my mother-in-law KNEW that if I hadn’t reminded my (now ex) husband that it was her birthday he wouldn’t have caller her. If you don’t calendar it in their phone or remind them by saying “wow, in two days we’ve been together a year”, then they won’t remember. Women are the one’s who remember all these details, whereas men would show up to work on holidays if they didn’t get a memo or hear about all the holiday plans their co-workers are making…not kidding.

    #357949 Reply
    Mel

    Megan,

    hey the ladies are right guys don’t really care or remember that stuff. My bf told me he doesn’t give much thought to it. I had told him to me birthdays are very important to me and he just simply told me to please remind him and keep on him and he will try and do his best. lol I never told him how HE doesn’t do anything I told him how it was important to me and why. Now I haven’t had my birthday yet but it is a month away and I keep letting him know “hehe my birthday is coming Im excited” and he will ask “oh yea when is it again haha just kidding I know”
    Now I don’t expect anything from him just the recognition like a happy birthday
    Try not to expect anything but try and explain why it is important to you not what he has done wrong.

    #357952 Reply
    tallady

    SUPER BAD move to bring up something he did for another woman. Ok to express disappointment, NOT OK to attack him. You sound demanding and whiny. Sorry. In addition, it sounds like how you deal with conflict is ineffective.

    I get the being angry about the anniversary, but unless you reminded him, I would say, men just don’t care that much. So, if you want a man to remember, then remind him, and when he remembers, be very very very thankful and appreciative. Sounds like it will work out for your birthday.

    You scolded him for spending money on hunting stuff and whined that he did not buy you something? Lordy. Please promise me you will never ever ever ever do that again. Men do things because they want to and not because you nag them to. And if they do respond to nagging, he will get resentful. Unless you have a joint account that he is squandering, how he spends his money is none of your business. If you want him to buy you presents, then tell him how much small presents mean to you, and then thank him if he does it.

    #357961 Reply
    megan

    I did remind him and he knew it was our anniversary because he text me saying happy anniversary I love u and glad I’m with u. So it’s not like he forgot about it. Yeah I probably am being a little nagging about it. But it’s not like I’m telling him to go spend 100 bucks on me. If he would of got me a 2 dollar card and wrote me something sweet I would be happy with that. And for me whining about him spending that much and not buying me anything is because he will complain he doesn’t have money but yet when he wants something he finds a way for it. I’ve asked him to buy me cheap small things but it seems like I’m asking him to spend a million dollars on me

    #357966 Reply
    Lane

    Rally Megan? You would prefer he spend a few bucks on a card someone else wrote instead of hearing it straight from him using his words? Sorry, but your expectations are unrealistic and relying too much on Hollywood’s romanticized fantasies.

    You sound very ungrateful. Sorry, but you should never ever try to measure one relationship against another because it makes you sound petty and insecure to him. If you were more appreciative he MAY be more willing to do things for you, but you seem to only PICK AT everything he doesn’t do or does wrong and that’s like rubbing sandpaper across their ears—they stop listening.

    You need to take a step back and ask yourself why you need constant validation? A man show’s his love in a different language than ours and if you don’t take the time to learn, accept and appreciate it, then you’re taking a risk of losing him. Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus—we really are!

    #357977 Reply
    buttercup

    Some men are just crap at cards!

    I didn’t even get one on my birthday, but I did get a lovely pair of boots from him.

    Our anniversary and valentines day are two days apart. I got him cards for both but still had nothing back. Well, nice words in a text but that was all.

    His brother told him off, and my fella said ‘but she hates cards’ and looked at me and questioned that. I said to him that I’d told him I hate xmas cards and refuse to send any but I do like a valentines card.

    But I wasn’t funny with him. I may not have had a card on the anniversary but he did come and see me and we we had a meal and a drink together. That meant more really that he did put time in.

    I may not send any cards to him next year though. Just to see if he notices! Lol!

    #423893 Reply
    teena

    I’m kinda in Megan’s boat. My bf and I just had our 2 year anniversary and the week before he saw a gun he wanted and I bought it on the spot and told him happy anniversary. He asked me if Iwanted diamonds on the day and i said yes he came out of the mall with stuff for himself and the dogs…I got nothing. I’m also upset!!

    #423894 Reply
    Lane

    Hi teena.

    Why didn’t you immediately walk over to the jewelry store and pick out the diamonds that you wanted (should be same price as the gun)?

    #423895 Reply
    redcurleysue

    Sorry but I am the one who forgets birthdays and anniversaries….oops.

    Men have to remind me….opps. Women have to remind me…opps. I don’t remember my own birthday…oops.

    I am more concerned about everyday and how I treat people….oops.

    #423897 Reply
    teena

    I wanted him to pick them out…I would have picked a ring and I’m not sure he’s ready for that. Now I’m not sure I want them…this isn’t the first ‘holiday’ that I’ve gotten nothing but gave something.

    #423900 Reply
    Lane

    Hi tenna.

    Were you trying to tell him to buy you an engagement ring? I’m sorry, but that is wrong as it should always come from the man when he’s ready.

    Honestly, my ex husband of 20 years only bought gifts on Christmas (it was family thing) and never for BD’s, anniversaries, etc. On our anniversary we would go out to a fancy restaurant and then do something fun afterwards as the purpose of an anniversary is to celebrate each other’s commitment to each other, not something you could easily buy for yourself.

    My mother-in-law said the best gift she got from her son (my ex) was a base ball glove. He bought it so they could spend some time together. His “TIME” is the most precious gift a man will give a woman he loves :-) I think you need to forgo all the gift expectations and embrace the individual. I suggest doing something meaningful, like making their favorite meal and then cuddling up on the couch and watch a good movie together—its far better than a material gift they will stick in the drawer and gather dust :-)

    #423910 Reply
    teena

    That’s why I didn’t pick something out…I wanted him to get something, anything! I cook his favorite meals every night. I offer to cuddle with him every night. I will not pressure him. However, I pampe and dote on him from the minute I get home until I go to bed, which I believe is coming to an end. :-\ :-( he works hard and I tell him all the time that he is appreciated and loved.

    #423912 Reply
    Lane

    Hi teena.

    You are doing way too much IMO. I think you need to step back a bit because trust me on this, men do not respect woman who do everything for them (mothering) and will eventually come to EXPECT IT where you will begin to feel under appreciated. Men (male energy) are the GIVERS and DOERS and you are operating in the male role. The woman (female energy) is receptive and appreciative of what the man does for you. You should look up these energies as it might help you find some “balance” in your relationship.

    #423957 Reply
    Ale

    Oh ladies, I feel for you dealing with this so early in a relationship, I mean I deal with this after almost 11 years of marriage and he forgot our ten year anniversary, I just don’t care anymore, please think if you will be ok with this for years to come, hugs!

    #424025 Reply
    teena

    I have started the backing off last night. We will see how that goes.

    This is it, things have to change or I have a hard decision to make. I love him so much and want to take care of him, but i want to feel appreciated and right now i dont…

    Ale, I’m OK with giving reminders, but I’m not OK with being neglected.

    Thanks Ladies!! I believe you have helped make things a bit clearer.:-)

    #424029 Reply
    Lane

    Always keep this in mind…never ACT like a wife until you are one! He has zero incentive to marry you because he essentially has a wife without having to go through the formalities—like they say “why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free.”

    I suggest you get the book “Codependent no more…by Melody Beatty as it will help you to learn how not to overcompensate in relationships. You need to change you first before and hopefully the dynamic will change thereafter :-)

    #444562 Reply
    Tiana

    I have the same problem..today is the very first anniversary with my boyfriend we’ve been through ups and downs and he just doesn’t seem to notice it..I called him this morning and he says he is busy and he can’t even make it to come see me..am so broken

    #444578 Reply
    sarita

    In villages in India, no one knows their date of birth. so is there no love there? in villages, there is no bar, pub, discos, fancy restaurants, so again is there no love? no commitment? no couple who is happy? Dates or birthday wishes dont count for love. its a feeling of the heart. u will know it without his saying it when it happens.

    #444579 Reply
    sarita

    Fact is that all the questions posted here there is a blanket answer – no, he is not in love. if it is love, u will know it and will not need to ask a bunch of strangers on the net.

    #444623 Reply
    kaye

    I think men in general aren’t good at anniversaries. It means much more to the women. And you said he took you out to dinner and drinks but you’re still hung up on a stupid card? I’m terrible at buying cards and I rarely give them!!

    I got upset last fall when my birthday rolled around and my boyfriend sent me some flowers. That was it. I mean they were gorgeous, but because it was in the middle of the week I figured he’d still take me out to dinner or something to celebrate that weekend. But he never brought it up again. So my feelings were hurt and I was being kind of pouty about it. But then I remembered that I wasn’t going to be able to see him on my birthday because he was heading out of town for a job. And I told him how much it would mean for him to come give me a birthday kiss and hug before he left. So he actually drove 2 hours round trip just to spend 30 minutes with me before he left on a 10 hour drive for work. So my point is men show love in different ways. Not all guys buy cards and presents. But they show you through other actions and in spending time with you and making you feel loved. If he is doing other things to show he cares, then forget about a stupid card!! And certainly don’t bring up some card you found from an ex as proof that he doesn’t care! And never ever again make him buy you something because he’s spending HIS money on things he wants. It’s his money to do what he wants.

    #444626 Reply
    Misty

    My question to all who say they expect a “one year anniversary gift from a boyFRIEND” is this:

    Do you give “one year anniversary” cards to your co-workers? your boss? did you give one to your female girlfriends?

    “Anniversary cards” are really for WEDDING anniversaries, NOT when you met someone you may or may not have a lifetime of commitment with.

    Beyond anything you may or may not have said to get each other upset, we all have to remember this world has gone crazy over stupid little materialistic things. Wanting a card or present because you have been someone’s date for a year is not a meaningful way to express love.

    Love should be expressed by two people each and every day and not just on some arbitrary date you met and had your first date on.

    #444627 Reply
    Maria

    If something is important to you, you should not hide it. He did send you a text about your anniversary, so this is already a good thing, he did not ignore or forget it. And I disagree that men forget such things, in my experience, they always remember when they care about a woman, genuinely care. There are exceptions, of course, like people who never remember anyone’s birthdays including their own, but this is not the rule. Most people remember important dates. Your guy did remember and he did send you his congrats. Now you need to make him understand just how important it is to you that he buys you presents. Do not let it slide because later on you will always be unhappy. You need to make him understand that this “sh*t” matters to you. Be really sad about it and tell him how disappointed you are but without being aggressive. Talk about it and say how other women get presents and you feel left out..or something like that but make sure he knows what you like and how you like it, and next time, if he does not buy you something (but I think he will), you can stop talking to him for a few days. I find that most guys turn into hopeless romantic as soon as they fall in love. And they WANT to buy you gifts. So if he didn’t it is because he thought he could get away without buying it. Don’t let him. Show him how important it is to you, and he will take care of it next time. He did buy you a $65 sweatpants when you complained, didn’t he?

    With men, if you don’t show them what is important to you, they MIGHT not give it to you. Notice how they always tell you what THEY like and not and what’s important to them. Do you ever have to guess what he likes to eat? activities to do? type of clothing to wear? etc etc..men always make sure we KNOW… lol..the difference is that when you don’t give them something and it is not terribly important to them, they don’t fret about it whereas we, women, first we try to be “nice” and not be selfish and pretend gifts are not important to us but then we get upset when we don’t get them. It is best to be straightforward – with yourself and with your guy.

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