What should I really do in this case?

Hey, I’ve been going through a hard time with my boyfriend a lot if things happened to him like the lost of his ex wife which he was divorced of like 7 years ago, had according to him a friendship with her( their marriage was a hot mess, lots of issues, this woman had outbursts) etc.

She did not last 1 month with her ilness and she died, he was there for her til the last minute and even though he had no feelings for her this hit him hard.(he has guilty conscience cause he cheated on her and they were just separated but not divorced, so it’s something that he has not been able to forgive himself of.

Anyways it’s been 6 months and he has been getting over it, at the beginning of her death he just cried too much until like 2 months ago.

The point is after all this dilemma, I just feel like he does not love me, he says he does but I feel he is stuck on his past and has not really gotten over her death or his life with her( this woman was 14 years older than him( he is 48 now,) she was 60, and I am 31.

I feel as if he does not truly love me neither will he marry me or have kids with me.