Lying to my friends about meeting up with my ex

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  • #944025 Reply

    Okay this is a bit of a weird scenario and I’m getting kind of annoyed with everything. Here is some backstory and context before we get into things. I just graduated college, and I live in a house with 3 of my close friends. We’ve lived together for over a year now and this is our second house. I’d consider them to be some of my best friends. Another bit of context, I have an ex boyfriend that was my first serious boyfriend. We had a pretty bad breakup and I was depressed for awhile and it took a long time for me to move on. Towards the end of the relationship, both of us were pretty mean to each other and it was ugly.

    Okay now to present day. I went through a different breakup recently (one that ended on great terms so I’m not too upset by it), and decided to get on dating apps for the first time in awhile. Later that night I check my texts and I see my ex, the one from the bad breakup, broke no contact of over a year to congratulate me on graduating. I was shocked and took awhile to respond, but I texted back a quick short “Thanks!” and moved on. He kept texting and asking how I was doing, which I decided to respond pretty shortly, but still polite. He told me saw me on dating apps and wanted to text me. I told my roommates he had actually reached out and they were all very annoyed with him and said I shouldn’t respond. I told them I sent like two texts but nothing after that.

    However, that night, I found myself texting him more, and he apologized for his behavior from the breakup. I admit, it was nice to talk to him. We were friends for a few years before we ever dated, so it was like I was talking to an old friend I hadn’t heard from in awhile. He told me he wanted to meet up with me and see me. I was hesitant, because I have life360 with all of my roommates and they look at my location constantly (they’re just nosy) but agreed. A few days later, I told my roommates I was going to see a friend I had recently made, and went and saw my ex. And it was really great seeing him and I had a great time. We got dinner and caught up. I went to his place and met his new cat and then went home.

    Since then, I’ve met with him 4 more times, and i’m enjoying myself. It’s nice to have him back in my life in just a friendly way. To be honest though, we are hooking up. He’s the best sex i’ve had and I wanted some good sex again, it’s been awhile for me. I told him we could still be friends and hang out, but I was interested in hooking up because I knew we were compatible. He agreed and we’ve slept together a few times and I don’t regret any of it. It’s just a friend I’m having mind blowing sex with.

    However, I keep lying to my roommates about where I am, because I know they’d blow up and try and scold me like i’m not an adult who can make my own decisions. I’ve told other friends and they’ve let me know they think it’s a bad idea, but they let me live my life. The close friends I live with, however, would make a huge deal out of it and it would cause a big fight if I told them.

    But i’m tired of sneaking around and lying about where I am because I’m an adult, I don’t understand why they have to always check my location like they’re my parents and quiz me about it later. Do I tell them the truth and risk it blowing up or keep this to myself?

    #944027 Reply

    I’m sorry that you hot back on the ferris wheel. Because you agreed to have sex, he has likely put you in the friend zone (in the event things offered good potential). Therefore, I would say, get off the ferris wheel and move forward, cutting off contact because maintaining that friendship prevents the door to be open for the one. That is how the universe works in my opinion.

    #944028 Reply


    #944030 Reply

    It’s not your friends’ business or decision, and you don’t need to lie about it or tell them anything because it is strangely co-dependent for them to need to know where you are all the time. That said, they don’t want to need to do emotional labor later to pick you back up off the ground if you catch feelings again, especially for a guy who they’ve told you isn’t worth it and will only be worthy of a big I told you so if that’s how things go. So while I suspect your friends have called reconnecting with your ex out correctly, I wouldn’t hide it anymore but would also assure them that they don’t need to be responsible for you if this ends up blowing up in your face, and then make sure you actually stick with it in actions not just words. In the meantime, make sure you’re still meeting and dating other people and that your ex isn’t shutting you down from guys who you can actually be with who are better matches for you.

    #944035 Reply

    Hi this is the OP! I just wanted to clarify that I do NOT want to get back with my ex. I’m aware that it would be a horrible decision to date him again, and I’ve made that clear to him. I’ve causally dated for the past few months and honestly i’m just not interested in finding a relationship right now. I have a great job offer lined up and I’m focusing on my career and myself right now. That being said, I still like the sex and the company of someone, and don’t want to hookup with someone I don’t know. To me, this is a win win situation. I get the sex and the company, and no relationship. I am still very aware of how awful our relationship was and I would never go back to him. But he’s a good friend and the sex is great.

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