What should I do?

Home Forums Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals What should I do?

This topic contains 8 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  K 7 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #779693 Reply


    I have a guy friend who happens to be my brother-in-law’s younger brother. We flirted alot when we first met and he had a few drinks and told me he wanted to take me out. I was just out of a toxic relationship at the time and I froze up and didn’t answer him. A week later we met up for drinks and he told my roommate he was taking me on a date. I froze up again and my roommate asked him if he was going to ask me out and he got awkward and said it would be weird with our siblings being married. The whole time I ignored him out of fear. He never treated me differently after seeing me at such a low point. He comes over to help me with things, lends me his coat, stares at me alot and teases me. In a group setting I’ll catch him looking around until he sees me and then he’ll smile and nod. I really like him but I’m terrified of bringing it up to him because I don’t know where he stands, but I feel something.

    #779694 Reply


    Why do you keep reposting this? This is the third post of exactly the same thing. Have you not liked the initial two posts’ responses?

    #779696 Reply


    I’m looking for more than just two people’s input. I’m genuinely wanting advice on this, seeing as it’s been a year since it all started. This would be the second post on it, not third.

    #779697 Reply


    If you continue to “freeze” and get “terrified” in the presence of a man then you are not in a healthy place with a relationship with another person. Stop trying to analyze him and start figuring out why you are so terrified because it’s not normal or healthy.

    #779699 Reply


    Why dont you ask him if you should get a cup of coffee sometime. This can be totally friendly and casual and it allows you to feel the vibe both from him and from yourself.

    #779711 Reply


    That would be your natural instincts telling you not to date this guy. Listen to your gut. Either you’re not ready or it’s not a good idea to be dating that close of an in-law relation. If it didn’t work out, could be very awkward in the future.

    I would not ask him out for coffee or anything. Because not only should you not be asking a guy out, you’re not in a mental state to handle it this situation. It’s unnatural is having this level of fear of anyone. How old are you??

    You’re not getting much advice because all anyone can tell you to do is go see a therapist in person or online to work this one out.

    #779714 Reply


    Just talk to him like the normal human he is when you see him. He’s technically (if not biologically) family so it’s more weird that you freeze up and avoid conversation. Don’t worry about dating him right now, because i’ts obviously too soon for you and it could be awkward if you jumped into a relationship and it then didn’t work out. Develop a friendship and then see if you even still like each other down the road…worst case scenario is that you are friends who don’t have all the awkward freezing when you see each other at family gatherings. Mentally take romance off the table, decide to just be his friend for now, and this might help[ you be more relaxed in his presence.

    #779738 Reply


    I forgot to add that the fear and freezing up happened over a year ago after I left a toxic relationship. I’m in alot better place now and that’s why I’m wanting to revisit his asking me on a date.

    #779739 Reply


    You aren’t supposed to use multiple names on this site. Site admin will warn you on that.

    Then just chat with him in group settings and smile and give off positive, warm signals. If he’s still interested, he’ll make some kind of move towards you.

    Mod update: K is correct! But we’ll just call it a gentle warning – I don’t intend for this to be a big deal! It’s fine to revisit a topic in a new thread, but please stick with a consistent pseudonym in future postings so our community can pick up details you’ve shared so far. (We also prefer that people stick with consistent pseudonyms because we’ve had some issues with community members who intentionally try to hide their identity, and we just want to make sure we avoid the bad stuff that comes along with those scenarios.)

    Anyway, carry on!

    • This reply was modified 7 months, 1 week ago by  ANM Staff. Reason: Edited by mod just to leave a message acknowledging what K mentioned to OP
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