This topic contains 11 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Newbie 1 month, 3 weeks ago.
February 9, 2016 at 12:38 am #504660
So a guy I was dating for around a month recently went through some hard times. I offered to be there to support him, but it seemed like he just wanted to be around family, which is fine. So I gave him space and we went from talking incessantly/every day to not talking at all for a week.
Yesterday was the first I’ve heard from him in 8 or so days, and it just feels kind of awkward, but like it did when we first started talking a few months ago. Is that normal? How do guys usually act after having some space? Could it be just because he was hurting from his own issues?February 9, 2016 at 12:48 am #504662
Dating for one month and you’re already struggling with this side of him is not a good sign.
If he’s not in the right condition to have a relationship, then don’t. You girl, will suffer while he has no clue about how you feel and if you no longer be able to cope, your feelings will turn to resentment. Like you said, you feel awkward, but that’s not his case.
To answer your question, women should welcome their men with open arms and receive them with love when they come back, but that depends on the reason of his need for space–whether legit or not.
But honestly… No genuine man would want space from the girl after dating for only one month.February 9, 2016 at 12:53 am #504663
You guys will get your flow back. I applaud you for being secure enough to give him his space. Just keep it light and casual for now.. You have now shown him that you respect his need for space and he’s really going to appreciate that. Continue to play it cool on your end and you will gradually get back to talking daily. If he’s going through something just keep your convos positive.. Be the person that makes him laugh, smile, and forget about what he’s going through for a moment when you guys do talk. But let him continue to initiate contact.
Remember take it slow and keep it light. He’s the one that needed space so let him set the pace.February 9, 2016 at 5:37 am #504682
I’ve had a similar issue with the man I’ve been seeing: full on intense, then pulls right back, going through his own issues, getting on with his stuff. At first it really upset me because I was in the mindset that I needed this to work out, I needed him to want to be in a relationship with me. After a week or so of thinking carefully, I realised that I am in a similar space to him with regard to relationships and I don’t want to get too invested, just keep it casual.
So when he came back, I was lighthearted, amusing, made it clear that I’d been busy, talked about mutual interests, and he started initiating contact again, which increased, and then asked for a date, which lasted a whole 24 hours. This has happened a few times now: at first I was distraught that I’d never see him again: now I know this is just his way, and it gives me space too, which is beyond invaluable!
My advice is to think about what YOU want, not put his needs first. If you want a relationship and this pulling back isn’t acceptable to you, then leave him be. If, however, you are able to cope with the ebb and flow of his this, then by all means stay in touch, but let him initiate and let him set the pace. Mirror what you get from him, don’t play games, but always consider what YOU want and need, and don’t put yourself last after the needs of a man who, after all, you barely know.
AnnieFebruary 11, 2016 at 1:40 pm #505532
Your situation sounds very similar to mine right now. How long was it until he started initiating contact again? Since Sunday (4 days ago), we’ve talked twice, I initiated it once. This past week especially though, I’ve really been focusing on myself and what I need to be happy. I just wondered how long you gave him space and took space for yourself.
MaddieFebruary 11, 2016 at 3:02 pm #505559
If you’ve only been dating a month – and if the guy is really going through hard times and needing support – it makes sense that he doesn’t feel comfortable to lean on you and turned to family instead. Men want to look strong, especially to a woman they like. I wouldn’t be upset if he needed the time – he’s back – so like the other ladies said, welcome him and be relaxed.
Now if this becomes something of a habit – I wouldn’t necessarily say it is something you need to endure if it bothers you. Or if you were dating for more than four months, it would seem a little less likely that he’d retreat to his cave and would open up to you instead. If either of these happened in the future, then I may say something – in a nice way. But this first time, I’d give him a pass.
Just act friendly – and let him know you missed him and ask how he’s doing.February 11, 2016 at 3:35 pm #505566
Oh boy people do weird things. It never happened to me, and if it did, I wouldn’t like it. You only seeing each other for one month and “space” already? You have to wonder when he is going to call and text again? Not pleasant at all.
Next time, do not talk incessantly right from the start, set a slower pace, take your time, make him want more of you after each encounter, by ending it a little sooner than you both feel is enough. Do not be always available, if he communicates poorly, give him some taste of his own medicine. Do not reply for 2-3 days, or skip his texts a couple of times. And watch how he’d pick up his pace. Guys know what they are doing, so don’t be fooled by “this is how he is”. This is how he is choosing behave with you. And it is up to to you allow it or not.
Use your female instincts…July 3, 2018 at 4:48 am #710977
What should a woman do if her man says he needs space but after some days he is groping you and fondling with you to have sex? Yet you both sleep in different parts of the house. And he still wants the woman to go places with him.July 14, 2019 at 5:27 am #757016
After the space he called today asking if I went to Church, how l was doing. So am asking should l call back telling him l want to see him and talk to him.
Thank you.July 14, 2019 at 9:10 am #757021
Had a guy keep telling me he had issues, stresses or problems. It was his way of keeping me at a distance. No real details of what these problems were either.
Sure I wanted to be supportive and all. But at the end of the day, he just didn’t want me in his life. I eventually wished him well and moved on.September 2, 2020 at 7:11 pm #806694
Hi,, I have dated this guy for 5 months now and he had some family problems but he used to give me cold shoulders , attitudes and didn’t even care bout my feelings anymore byt still I was there when he needed my support. Then he apologized and said he wanted some space.I agreed and gave him and it’s been a month now and he started initiating calls and texts and wants us to meet. So how am I supposed to behave when we meet? Or should I even allow to meet him?September 3, 2020 at 5:58 am #806858
Ferroh, you are responding to a years old post and not very likely get many responses. But for you: you are wasting your time giving support to a guy that is hot and cold, has an attitude and then asked for space. Guys who are in love with a woman do none of those things. They declare there love for her instead. So i would certainly not meet him again since it will probably only gives you false hope