What does he want from me?

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This topic contains 4 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Layla 1 month, 3 weeks ago.

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  • #827836 Reply


    Hi there, I’m wondering if I’m overthinking things….

    I met this guy online 2,5 months ago and I’m starting to really like him but things are moving quite slowly. In that period of time we’ve been on 6 dates, mostly at each other’s place since third date due to Covid. When we are together, our chemistry is amazing, he’s attentive, caring, a real gentleman. He asks me a lot of questions about me, my job, my family etc and says he enjoys talking to me about everything. He started a business last year and often asks for my advice and thoughts. But in between dates he only messages me every 2 or 3 days (mostly long voice messages) and dates are every other week (he initiated 5 out of 6 dates). At the beginning dates were weekend dates and now mostly weekdays (he also works on Saturdays and he only has Sundays off and usually quite tired by then).

    He mentioned again last time that he would like to move closer to his family (in another country) once his business is properly established here (his business partner would take over here), as he realised he wanted to spend more time with them and so would start a similar business there. He seems very set on the idea but that would be in at least a year.

    I wonder if because of that he is not wanting or hesitant to get into a relationship and that’s why he’s keeping me at arm’s length? He’s in his mid 40’s and I’m in my late 30’s. Neither of us has children or has been married before.

    I can tell he likes me through his messages and the way he is with me when we are together but the fact that things are moving so slowly and there is no sign of wanting to text more or see me more often worries me a bit….

    I don’t know if I bring it up if I will scare him off? But at the same time I don’t want to get too attached if this is only going to be a casual thing with no real commitment down the line from him… Not sure what to do.

    #827866 Reply


    What are you scared of? You don’t know him well, so it isn’t him. Maybe it’s the fear of losing him and what that represents to you (the loss of a hoped for relationship).

    Looking at the big picture, he wants to move to another country. Why are you even talking to this guy?

    Men do what they want; if he wants to step up contact and dates, he will. If he doesn’t, it’s because he doesn’t want to. I’m a fan of seeing how men behave and if I like it, I continue. If I don’t like it, I cut them loose.

    #827950 Reply


    Its really up to you to guard your boundaries to prevent overinvestment or unclear intentions. 6 dates is not a lot to go on (his texting i dont even count), but if you decide to sleep with this guy without knowing his attentions, youre leading yourself to muddy waters. Or even if you didnt, after a few dates you need to ask a guy why he is dating.
    So far this guy doesnt sound like a big no to me. He might be interested. He is just telling his ambitions. It would be more weird if you were included in them already. So its time to ask a few questions

    #828127 Reply


    This could go either way . My ex told me he may move abroad at the start of our dating but he just wanted to do a working year. When we got serious he decided against . However your guy does have family.
    I wouldn’t invest too much in this guy . I can potentially see it ending in tears . Maybe date another guy also ? Keep o your options open or move on ?

    #828487 Reply


    Thank you all for your feedback. He’s gone M.I.A for a week now so I think I have my answer…

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