We were getting a long great, but I fear I may have pushed him away

Home Forums Decoding His Signals / How Does He Feel About Me? We were getting a long great, but I fear I may have pushed him away

Viewing 14 posts - 26 through 39 (of 39 total)
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  • #939595 Reply

    I am just a lowly person. I am nothing and nobody with nothing to offer to anybody. His gesture, to most, would probably seem small and insignificant, but to somebody who’s life is dull and meaningless, it was everything.” Oh sweetie. This is what I was concerned about, you’re running very low self-esteem. This belief about yourself you’re holding is why people don’t treat you well. Please please please get working with a therapist to feel more positive about who you are. None of this is true, everyone is someone and has something to offer and you are no exception.

    #939596 Reply

    I got cut off before I could finish. You could also be running some depression if that’s how you feel about yourself and your life. Forget about him for the time being; take care of yourself and you will have healthier interpersonal relationships.

    #939598 Reply

    Agree with Angie. Focus on self. And forget the guy. You just had a brief interaction but that’s over and dusted. many of us at times go a little overboard about our idols or people we admire because of their achievements. You did the same. that’s natural and not a big deal. he may have many followers or admirers of his work. So he’s used to presenting a polite and courteous self to his fans/admirers. that’s all. You just admired the guy and was thankful that he took time out to praise your work. that’s about it. dont put yourself down. noone is a nobody. we all have something to offer.

    #939599 Reply

    It sounds to me like you’re seeking from others what you’re not giving yourself. It’s clear to see that inside you’re not feeling well hence just a little bit of compliment can make you feel that way. It was a very kind gesture but his response meaning so much to you says a lot. It’s either you want something out of this or you have a people pleasing tendency that even at the slightest response you panic. Lose the focus off him and focus on you and your healing. You have a lot of investing to do on yourself. He simply gave you the validation you don’t give yourself. You wanting more of that is okay, but you’re asking it from the wrong person. You should be demanding that from you. Spend more time with yourself, invest in loving yourself, do the things you love. Please don’t enter into a relationship like this, even if you meet the right guy you’ll sabotage it because of your neediness. Also read a new mode articles on anxiety and neediness. They once helped me a lot.

    #939605 Reply

    I understand. I do think it’s possible I may have “fan-girled” a bit, but I just really wanted him to know how much I appreciated working with him and what it meant to me, because it did mean a lot. Not because my life is dull an meaningless… I know it isn’t. But having been a fan for so long, I’ve always been fascinated by his work and it inspires me and the work I do. And I just wanted him to know that.

    I feel like in my attempts to put that across, I put out the wrong impression and really, that is what’s at the heart of all of this is… I just want to know that things are cool between us. Maybe for him, this was just another collaboration and now he’s onto the next thing, but this experience meant a lot to me, and I’ve been so happy these last few weeks and didn’t want it to end. Not because I have nothing in my life that brings me happiness and joy, this was just a different kind of happiness I’d never experienced before, and never thought I’d ever get to. It was a dream come true in a sense. Nobody ever wants a good dream to come to an end.

    #939606 Reply

    Or perhaps a better way to put it… it’s not so much that I need to know that things are cool between us, I need to know that I didn’t do anything wrong. I can’t always infer things if I don’t get a clear response. If I’m not told straight out “Don’t worry, it’s fine”, then I assume I have done something very wrong. I have a lot of social anxiety issues and can’t always read between the lines.

    The good news, as I mentioned before, is that he hasn’t blocked me from contacting, so I suppose that’s a positive sign. I must not have offended him too much for him to want to cut off all contact. I’m just like a puppy dog sometimes. If I even sense that something may be wrong or that perhaps I did something wrong, I run away with my tail between my legs and don’t come out until I am told it is ok.

    #939607 Reply

    Gosh!! Girl ur analogies are out of this world!! First you call yourself nothing. Now u call urself a dog.

    He reciprocated for a bit to his fan bec that was the polite n sweet thing to do.. ur again going overboard in ur analysis. Hey if someone praises me am happy. But if smone overdoes it, that can get annoying. And come across as fake flattery simply to get in my gud buks.

    Yeah gud he hasnt blocked you. So pls dont give him reason to do so going ahead. Lol.

    #939609 Reply

    Tammy, I am not calling myself a dog. It was an analogy, yes. That doesn’t mean that I think I am a dog.

    My behaviors are the result of past traumas. I was explaining how and why I act the way I do, because there are reasons for why we do everything that we do. Bottom line is, I need clear and concise answers to things, because I absolutely suck at inferring things or reading between the lines. And I am confused because I did not get a clear answer.

    I don’t know. Whatever I guess. I appreciate the response I received earlier from Maddie, and I appreciate everybody else who has weighed in. Not because it was what I wanted to hear, but I felt like she actually heard and understood what I was saying. I appreciate everybody else’s input as well.

    This experience was something special to me. Maybe I am just another name, another face, another fan to him, but this whole thing meant something to me, and I’ll never forget it. And to be told that I need to just forget about it and move on like it wasn’t important and didn’t matter… that’s hurting. Sorry, but it does. I’m not so flippant with my feelings as most people are. I embrace them- I don’t cast them aside as if they don’t matter.

    #939610 Reply

    “I am nothing and nobody and nothing to offer…”.

    This is a false belief. You are beautiful.

    It is just a guess, but believe he found you attractive and likely wished to bed you.

    #939612 Reply

    Thanks Mary, I appreciate that but LOL I don’t believe that is true, nor would it be healthy (or helpful) to entertain such thoughts. But thank you.

    #939614 Reply

    I am going to say some things that are going to come across as unkind. Your whole vibe just drags on other people. It feels needy, inauthentic and bordering on narcissistic in the I am nothing, I am nothing… his whole reaction must be my fault and unless he validates me, I am not ok. It is your responsibility to esteem yourself.

    No one told you to forget, but he does not owe you a darn thing. And your feelings, your feeling, your feelings… seem to leak all over everything. Don’t tell me not to feel is an excuse for letting those feelings ooze everywhere.

    Answers come from you. They never come from others… expecting people to be consistently clear and engaged is about expecting unrealistic things from the world.

    Please go to a therapist, you can turn this around, but stop blaming others for why you don’t take care of yourself emotionally and expect things that are unreasonable from kind acquaintances.

    The good news is that you cabs heal from trauma, but you have to do the work, and not blame others for why you do what you do

    #939616 Reply
    Liz Lemon

    I don’t see where anyone told you to forget about this experience and move on? I think generally what people are saying is that you should appreciate that it happened, but not expect anything further to develop.

    Your original question was how to get him to talk to you again. We’re trying to explain to you that it may not happen, and why it’s not reasonable for you to expect him to continue the dialogue.

    I totally agree that Maddie gives great advice, though!

    #939619 Reply

    What you said wasn’t unkind, I appreciate you putting it all out there.

    I don’t disagree with you, it probably does come off as being needy, but it’s not intentional. And I am not looking for anybody to validate *me*. I was confused about the situation at hand and was looking for any suggestions or advice to help clear it up.

    As for the rest, sure, I could probably benefit from going to a therapist. I don’t need to to be told that. But that’s hard to do when you don’t have health insurance and can’t afford to pay for visits out of pocket. So that’s simply not a possibility at this moment in time. Telling me something I already know isn’t helpful. A lot of doctors in my area also are not currently accepting new patients (I’ve looked into this already). I also do not have any kind of external support network- no family, no friends, nothing. So when something happens in life, I don’t have anywhere or anyone to turn to to try and make sense of anything. That’s why I’m here asking this forum about it because I thought people would be understanding and supportive. Even if I did have a doctor, it would be days or week before I can get in to be seen. That doesn’t help me to deal with things the moment.

    I appreciate everybody’s feedback and value it. I know he doesn’t owe me anything, I never said he did. I was simply trying to make sense out of a situation I was struggling to understand. My apologies for reaching out to ask, I can see now that this was the wrong thing to do.

    I don’t need validation. Just understanding.

    #939621 Reply

    I understand what you are saying Liz, thank you. This is what I need to hear and thank you for clarifying everything. This is the kind of feedback that I am finding helpful. Those things may have been said “generally”, but it wasn’t said in this way. It was more just “stop texting”, “why do you feel you did anything wrong”, “forget this guy”, “he’s probably just nice to all his fans”, etc.

    Rather than anybody trying to understand why I was feeling the way I was, I’ve felt like I was being attacked of for it.

    “Please work on why something so minor had you literally depressed and unable to smile.”

    This wasn’t minor. Maybe from the outside it seems like it, maybe because I’m not fully explaining things, it comes across that way. It wasn’t like some random person complimented my shoes and I made a whole big thing of this. This whole experience I have had with him over the past few weeks wasn’t minor… it was special. To me. This was an opportunity to collaborate with somebody who I greatly admire. And when somebody like that does something special like that, that they don’t have to do, that has meaning to me. Not romantic, it just has meaning.

    To be told it was something minor hurt. I won’t lie. That invalidates whatever I think or feel.

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