Home › Forums › Texting Advice › We had a fight, now what.
- This topic has 5 replies and was last updated 2 years, 8 months ago by
tammy.
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Nancy
My boyfriend and I have been together for many years. I’ve noticed over the years that when I approach him with something that bothers me, it somehow gets turned around on me and I end up leaving his house. We are both under a lot of stress lately, but maintain our relationship in a loving way. The other day I was getting annoyed as he was constantly on his phone texting his buddies or surfing social media. Our love is strong so I don’t usually say anything, but that night I had to let him know how I was feeling about being on his phone a lot. He responded that it wasn’t like me to make such a big deal out of it and that the stress I am under was causing me to start a fight. I can tell you I was not trying to start an argument, but merely telling him how I felt. He got defensive and gave me the choice to leave his home. I felt he should have had some empathy, knowing perhaps the stress was causing my irritation, but instead he got angry. We both cried, I left, and haven’t heard from him. I’m not sure if I should reach out to him first?? but I’m so angry that he dismissed my feelings and made it about something bigger.
Zoe
He basically told you to get out of his house. If you want his behavior to change you DO NOT reach out
Liz Lemon
“Our love is strong, so I usually don’t say anything”– having a strong, healthy, loving relationship does NOT mean repressing your feelings and not communicating.
You insist you have a loving relationship but your boyfriend regularly puts you out of his house when you have a disagreement. This is a pattern. That’s disrespectful and punitive behavior, which are not characteristics of a loving relationship.
I’m not trying to be a jerk– I’m just pointing that out because I think you have some blind spots when it comes to your relationship and your boyfriend. You see it as a loving relationship but it sounds like there is a lack of respect and communication. Try to look at the relationship through a more realistic lens, and be honest with yourself. If your boyfriend “turns it around” on you and puts you out of his house every time you bring up an issue– that is seriously problematic.
mama
No offense, but you never let him know it bothered you in the past, and when you are under a lot of stress you decided that would be a good time to bring it up?
I think you both felt attacked and it escalated. You might want to take a look at your relationship as a whole, and if you honestly think everything is fine then call him to work it out. But if it’s not (and the commenters here are reading between the lines that it’s not as great as you think it is) you might want to wait a while before deciding what to do.
Maddie
Yes to the above, especially yes to what Liz Lemon said.
tammy
i would take my time and rethink this whole relationship. why wld i want to be with a man who keeps kicking me out of his house? if he is not happy with the discussion, he can always leave the room. kicking me out as punishment? not done. what happens when you guys move in together? have you thought about that? are you fine being asked to leave whenever there is a disagreement? and it also appears you guys don’t communicate very well. as i said i would rethink the relationship. and to answer your question no i would not connect first. he asked you to leave his house so let him make the first move. and you guys need to be able to discuss and disagree without being kicked out.
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