Tough work schedule, 24, trying to date in NYC

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  • This topic has 3 replies and was last updated 1 year ago by Ewa.
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  • #941497 Reply

    hey all, its me again. (24 year old gal moved to nyc in the fall with a …tough news work schedule).

    so the dating here in NYC has not gotten any better. i’ve been able to get dates which is good, but nothing has been past date 2 besides for one guy who ghosted me after sex. i seem to be struggling even getting a fling, and it feels like once i share my schedule men look at me like i just said i have 15 toes or something. i work 6pm to 2am wednesday thru sunday for clarification/reminder. i have tried multiple routes: either i’ve been vague with it until i meet up with a guy, or i have tried the upfront way to try to weed them out, and honestly both have produced the same result.

    it’s getting to the point where i am getting insanely insecure about telling people my schedule (even potential girl friends) because they ask me CONSISTENTLY “how do you have a life?” “do you even socialize at all since your days off are when no one else is free?” it’s really running me down, making me quite cynical and building resentment on top of everything else in my life (dad has stage 3 cancer, he’s doing ok but its been like this for six years, major part of my life and he is not mentally all there, incredibly neglectful and verbally abusive to my mom, and i have endometriosis, and i work in constantly reading about bad stuff lol).

    my job is great. i like my co-workers when i do get to see them (i work from home at least so some flexibility there, i do not need to go into the office with my late nights), i have a lot of opportunity to grow in my role and learn still. telling people i am 24 in my department has made some of them spit out their water in response shocked at how young i am and getting this full time position. i am making good pay. if its a slow news day, i can just pop up on a movie and chill a bit. it’s not all bad.

    now yes, i wish i could socialize more, and this is now my 2nd year of doing evening shifts (previous job i was doing full overnights which was way worse), so it does get isolating. and i am afraid i’m getting used to being TOO alone. a lot of my (unemployed) friends are jealous that i am a “success” story and they are not getting hired anywhere, yet the price i have to pay is getting rejected from my schedule. and i have TRIED putting myself out there. even with making girl friends but i have kept encountering people i do not click with whatsoever (different political views, don’t understand my humor, or simply don’t wanna deal with my schedule). i don’t like how i am getting insecure about this because i have worked my ass off despite all of these things (dad being sick and abusive, me dealing with my own health issues and appointments/self advocacy).

    there’s a lot more i can try in the city (sports leagues on my monday or tuesday night off, industry themed nights at bars to mingle for people who work in that industry and also have those nights off) but this mostly requires me putting myself out there solo to meet people and its hard. esp after so many things don’t click. i am also not a huge drinker, and around here especially in my age bracket, people love to drink as a hobby. i’m not even finding other people who work in odd industries in shift work, i have no idea where they are hiding. and i am full time and this is just my regular schedule lol. this job is not forever, but i would be dumb to move on so soon with the recession, no one is getting hired, and i’m not exactly ready for a paycut at a different place. i will probably be doing this at least for another year, but i miss having sex. i miss mingling. and my deep seeded fear of getting rejected is now real bc of this schedule, and i don’t know how to work around that. so i’ve been trying to go to comedy shows alone and just play tourist on my days off alone and try new food places, all alone.

    what worries is me is that i felt like this last year after a very long dating break and coming back into the scene, and i was so companionship starved i ended up with a toxic 4 month situationship where i don’t even believe he liked me. and that took me months to get over. and that was me with my bar so low, and now i’m borderline reaching those levels again where i just would take a fun fling but those never end up “fun” for me. i am just desperate and would love some advice on how to juggle all of this. i’m ready to just take a longer dating app break and get new sex toys at this point.

    #941509 Reply

    If you’re putting your career first then you are the living example of the sacrifices you have to make. Forget about dating at this time for it is not ideal or fair to anyone unless you have a deployed military boyfriend or dating someone that has the same schedule as you.

    Based on the hard luck you’ve described; You’re 24 and still have a lot of years ahead of you. I think you’re better off just making your money and investing in sex toys. If you need company, pets are nice too. It is perfectly okay to be alone with occasional human interactions here and there at a bar or activities. Don’t sweat it. Once you can have a regular working hour things will shift.

    #941517 Reply

    Yeah, dump the dating apps…

    I just Googled, “how to meet people in NYC when you work night shift” – That might give you some ideas?

    #941520 Reply

    stop worrying about dating and meeting new people just live your life, you can’t force it. I don’t think working from 6pm till 2 am are weird hours, nurses, doctors do it all the time. It just depends how much time off do you have as I am assuming you don’t do those hours 7 days a week.
    You are still very young so I wouldn’t worry about dating at the moment, build your career then with time your hours might change.

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