Too fast, I’m overwhelmed


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  • This topic has 2 replies and was last updated 6 days ago by Mary.
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  • #945117 Reply
    Stark59

    27 female here. Met a guy online, went out for a nice meal Friday dinner. He came up to my house briefly and we kissed. He was a gentleman and went home after.

    didn’t met on Saturday but on the phone all day (6hours) talking about everything and anything.

    met up Sunday evening for dinner and chilled. We fooled around a bit but he didn’t want to go any further. He wanted to make sure it’s done properly. I was in agreement. Talked all night too.

    I drove him back home Monday (35 miles apart) and I worked from home at his house.l and went out for dinner again on Monday and I stayed over on Monday night. Fooled around a bit and kissed a lot but again nothing further than that. Agreed this is too soon to do that.

    He had a hard life, terrible family situation and had some tough times but now doing well for himself. Stating his own busines. My life is more stable, goal oriented and good family. he said he’s grateful I’m letting him experience fine dinning, great banter, good humour and he feels very happy.

    its been 4 days and he asked if we are considered going out over text. I said we are dating and going on dates and see where things go. I said this means we are free to date other people. He said he doesn’t wanna see other people and the vibe I got was he’s keen on us heading to exclusivity and gf/bf route.

    he admitted to me he matched me the dating app due to boredom and was just swiping but wasn’t expecting to turn out to be so happy. He said he has girls on the app and Snapchat ‘on demand’ when he’s horny and didn’t wanna actually see anyone and meet up with anyone. But he said meeting me is so different and he’s not looking for short term anymore. He wants long term now.

    im really overwhelmed. I like him but at the same time this is tooo soon. I feel pressured. And I don’t even know what to say. I don’t know what I want now. I don’t want one night stands or FWB. But I wanna date and see. Don’t wanna say for definite whereas I can tell he is keen.

    also, he is handsome and gyms a lot so physique wise he looks great! So I don’t know what my problem is… just feel overwhelmed all of a sudden after he messaged me this this morning.

    I think this is too soon. I wanna pull back a bit now… what do you guys think?

    #945120 Reply
    Maddie

    Listen to your gut. If you’re overwhelmed, this warp speed isn’t working for you. When people have hard lives and come from a trauma background, it can influence their ability to have healthy adult romantic relationships, and they may rush through the honeymoon phase which feels great and then flame out and get flaky when things get real. Stick to your guns and set the speed you’re comfortable with in getting to know someone. You need that time to see if he’s truly emotionally available and consistent with you anyway before you heavily emotionally invest. If he can’t handle a slower speed and build the connection in a way that makes you comfortable then it means you aren’t compatible.

    #945130 Reply
    Mary

    Slow and steady wins the race. It is up to the woman to set the pace.

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