This situation makes me quite anxious


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This topic contains 7 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Luna 1 month, 1 week ago.

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  • #835457 Reply

    Luna

    Okay, so I met this guy online, we instantly clicked and we have many things in common. He’s 28, has a son from a previous relationship, a new business and lives 3 hours away from me. At the beginning it was all great, we talked every day. Then one day he disappeared for 4 days, I honestly thought that he ghosted me. He came back and we made amends. After his act of disappearence I became even more anxious about the situation. Oh, I forgot to mention that we have had s*xting. That’s something that I never did before so I think that made me more vulnerable. So one day I decided I had enough of that anxiety and he was giving me mixed signals, so I decided to take some space. We didn’t talk for a month and a half and I was moving on, I even deleted his phone number without feeling anything. He came back at the beginning of december…

    During that first week I was neutral and curious about why he came back, he talked to me every single day of that week, until one night we had a deep conversation. I told him how I felt and why I decided to take some space, he said he was sorry, that it wasn’t his intention. I also asked him why he didn’t say anything when I decided to take that space and he said that it hurt and if that’s how I felt, he didn’t want to think about it. So we had that chat on a thursday night and the next day he sent me a message that said something like: “Hey, I’m not ignoring you or anything, I just went to the dentist, I’m gonna pick up my son and hit the gym, so yeah super busy, I’m letting you know as you asked” so yeah after that he didn’t text me at the weekends anymore, he’s hot and cold again but it turns out that after that chat we had, I started to fantasise about us again because finally he set a date for us to meet when in the past he was reluctant… Now I feel like I’m the one who texts him first all the time and a booty call as well.

    I also must say that one night we had an argument and I asked him if he was really interested in getting to know me for real and he said that he was interested but he was also being cautious because he has been in these kind of situations before and they never end well.

    Also, I haven’t met him in person yet, we were supposed to do so this month but we are now in full lockdown again…

    Please, I need some advice, this whole situation is making me miserable and anxious all the time. Should I forget him and try to move on for a second time or should I try to relax and give this thing a chance?

    #835467 Reply

    Newbie

    I have a feeling you have posted before. The sexting, the argument, his reluctance to meet. Although there are more common stories as well.
    But you cant know if you click because you have never met. And its not only that. He goes hot and cold and didnt want to meet at all af first. And all this makes you miserable and anxious. In short: this guy is a Time waster and an e-tetherer. Most likely he is emotionally unavailable for a real relationship. His statement he has done this before and meeting soneone didnt end well is alarming and a big red flag. He could also be in a relationship. Is this the firefighter?
    I would not invest one more second in this guy now he has turned cold already again. If he does want to come once its possible let him make the plans but i bet it wont happen. Sorry to say.

    #835512 Reply

    Lesley

    Luna, I have been there, also with a guy who is only into e-tethering and has little desire to connect in real life. My advice is run. In my case I realized he is actually in a long term relationship and is about to get married (his engagement photos appeared in my facebook newsfeed since a mutual friend of the bride went to the engagement party). Absolutely heartbroken but I thank god for that. You deserve a better person that is keen to establish real relationship and share life with you.

    #835516 Reply

    Emily

    A few things jumped out at me – he has a child, he lives 3 hours away, and he’s a business owner. Assuming he’s being honest about these things, when do you expect him to have time to nurture a relationship? I’m not surprised he’s not willing to meet in person. In the future, focus on guys who are local and willing to meet.

    #835529 Reply

    Luna

    No, I haven’t posted before but yeah I guess this story is quite common. I think I like someone who is not real. One day he’s all over me and says things like how much he wanted to kiss me and that he couldn’t wait for our date and the next I don’t exist anymore. I deluded myself and my heart literally aches because of it. God, I’m such a fool.

    #835530 Reply

    Zoe

    He is not interested. When a man is interested you dont ask these kind of questions.
    Dont waste your time

    #842469 Reply

    Aarie13

    Hi Luna, I’m going through something really similar right now and i’m wondering how things turned out for you?

    #845955 Reply

    Luna

    @Aarie13 Not so well, he ended up ghosting me

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