Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Things awkward after having sex for the first time
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Elle.
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Elle
I’ve been seeing a guy for about a month and we slept together for the first time. He took me out to have dinner after but things felt a little awkward after that between us though he was still really sweet.
For example – he’s usually always holding my hand, but after the dinner he didn’t hold my hand the whole time but in between. I could feel a little bit of awkwardness between us.
He was talking about me meeting his friends and said ‘it would be funny if I took my-‘ and then paused and said my name instead.
He’s also sharing a house with a landlord who is very strict and doesn’t allow people to come over so he’s had me over twice by telling the landlord I’m a coworker who needs his help. He bought up the topic of wondering if they heard us or have ‘realised’ that I’m not just a coworker and what’s going on.
We still kissed multiple times after the dinner and he made me sit on his lap. He promised to make me a tea but he couldn’t so he said he’ll make it for me next time. He carried my stuff for me and told me to get good rest cause I was tired.
On on our way back in the taxi though he started saying that this week was going to be crazy for him and he’s not looking forward to work. He gave me a kiss on the cheek and said see you soon.
I don’t know if I’m overthinking about his behaviour or he feels comfortable with me now. We haven’t talked about what we are or our relationship yet.
Im usually the first to text after dates. Should I text him first tomorrow?
Heather
I believe you already posted about this guy before because I remember the strict landlord comment. Don’t expect a man to make you a gf just because you have sex with him. This is one of the biggest mistakes women make. Just act normal.
redcurleysue
Time will tell on this.
Sex does not make or break a relationship.
He could wonder what is going on in your mind…do you now have expectations on him? Men worry about that. They know women may change after sex in their head and heart…thinking it means something. To many men it means nothing but they know to women it means something.
If you are going to have sex with a man that has not given you his heart yet then you have to wait and see what he does next. Let him lead.
Ali
Nothing you describe seems worrisome to me! It’s pretty common for women to freak out after sex and start looking for “signs” that things are going wrong, or the guy is pulling back or acting different. I think you might be overanalyizing.
Try to relax and see how things unfold.Ali
AND… NO! You should not be the first one to text tomorrow. Wait for him.
Emma
No do not text him. Why are you the first one to text after dates? It is a man’s job.
Especially after sex, do not text him. If a guy after sex told me that next week would be busy, I’d take it as he wants to be left alone. Is there any other way to take it ladies? I don’t think you are imagining anything, I think he almost directly (indirectly) told you so.
So no do not text him! And be prepared that he won’t text you soon. It might take him a few days at least. Once he understands that you are not going to chase after him, then he’d text.
Ali
Agree with Emma. Especially since he’s used to texting you first. You need to make sure he knows you aren’t gonna chase him. He’s busy, so let him wonder what YOU are up to. He’ll be in touch. Be prepared that it probably won’t be right away though.
P
Ive had a similar thing happen to me in a similatr time frame, sex, then dinner then an odd gut feeling and the conversation of busy the next couple of weeks. Mine ended up with him having a personal melt down and deleteing dating profiles etc. I thought I must be shocking in bed!
Why would. guy take you out to dinner if he was feeling a bit distant?
I would be intersted in how this pans out for you, can you keep us updated?
Elle
I don’t expect him to make me his girlfriend straight away just because we had sex but I liked him and how things were going so I guess I’m scared he’d be done with me straight after it.
I think you’re all righr. I won’t text him first and wait for him to text me.
I’ll update the thread and let you know how it goes.
kaye
Funny how a guy with a strict landlord can’t have you over but once sex is on the table you can be a “co-worker” so he can get what he wants!! I’m not sure what kind of awkwardness you are referring to. You say he held your hand, kissed you, made you sit in his lap. I do think you are overthinking his behavior just as women tend to do once they’ve had sex. See in the guy’s mind nothing should change but for women all the sudden they’re overthinking and second guessing and start having expectations of how he should act. You need to let him come to you. Wait for him to text.
Elle
Hmm he said he has to ask for permission every time so he asked… do you think it just because he wanted to do it with me?
I just felt like I noticed a change in his behaviour. Yes he did all those things but I noticed that he didn’t hold my hand as much as he usually does. He also seemed a little preoccupied or zoned out during the dinner and when I asked he said he wasn’t thinking about anything. He also just gave me a kiss on the cheek when I left. Maybe I’m overthinking it and reading too much into the behaviour just because of the sex. It’s not that I have higher expectations, I too don’t want anything to change. I like how things are going so far.
Update: He has texted me.
Hannah
Do you know, men get shy and unsure after they’ve had sex too! They wonder what you’re thinking, if you enjoyed it and if you’re going to change now you did it.
Just relax! Don’t over think. Just try to be positive when you see or talk to him and don’t ask him questions. Let him lead for the next week.
You could be right, but also he could be worried about what you’re thinking, you’re worried about him. That can cause weirdness!
If he’s done or not as enthusiastic, there’s nothing you can do about it. So just be fun and positive while he sorts himself out. Time will tell, so just be patient for now.
Bedazzle
I don’t understand the issue. What was awkward?
Elle
@Bedazzle – I just noticed some changes in his behaviour. It also sounded like he was going to call me his girlfriend but then stopped and said my name instead.
@Hannah – okay I didn’t think that he couldv’e been nervous or anxious too! I just wanted to carry on as normal but he seemed a bit dishevelled compared to how he usually is which made me overthink. Maybe I’m overthinking cause he’s still texting me today. I guess time will tell if things will stay the same or change. We’ve only known each other for a month so I guess it’s a bit early too.
Bedazzle
I think that is over thinking it. Maybe he is not sure how you feel and does not want to make assumptions. As long as he is still making plans with you and you are spending time together, don’t give too much attention to small nuances. Men don’t tend to notice or operate with nuances. Watch his actions. That is the best indicator of his interest.
Elle
@Bedazzle – I guess you’re right.. I haven’t considered his point of view at all. I guess time will tell what happens.
If he only was in it for one time sex and disappears I guess I would be glad to let him go cause I don’t want someone like that. But I’m going to hope we keep on seeing each other cause I really do like him.
I’ll try and update the thread in a week or two lol so far he has texted me today.
Thanks to everyone for the advice. I get so caught up in my way of thinking sometimes.
Elle
Update – I asked him when I saw him if he has Instagram and he told me he didn’t really use it. Today, he came up in my followers suggestions and I saw that not only did he post on the day I asked him, he also posted again today.
From the pictures it looked like he had been on a date.
So I asked him if he was seeing other people and he said he was and asked if I wasn’t.
I told him that I wasn’t.
I don’t know where to go from here…
Andrea
Your intuition clearly picked up on a vibe change. You had sex too soon, IMO. He’s dating around, enjoying casual sex. It doesn’t seem like he’s interested in a relationship with you. If you’re not up for FWB, then you gotta get out before you get hurt.
Emma
Ok so he told you straight up he is going to continue looking for someone else. Do you see any other option but to tell him you sleep with men on an exclusive basis only. If he is not ok with that you will stop seeing him. This should have been said BEFORE sex and very clearly, so that there are no misunderstanding or misinterpretations. If you did that I bet he’d wait before sleeping with you. And you should have waited longer too. But now he can do whatever you wants whereas you are going to feel like crap.
Ladies learn to protect yourself. This is what is going to happen if you don’t.
Pam
You might want to ask a guy before you have sex if he’s sleepingwi5 other women. And if you don’t, I’d assume he is unless he says otherwise. I wonder how many other ‘co workers’ his strict landlord sees?
Elle
I have really good intuition and I’m learning to trust it a little more these days.
It’s not really the having hasn’t sex thing that disappointed me. I really agree with the opinion- sex doesn’t make or break a relationship.
I guess I was more disappointed that I had developed feelings for him and I was hoping we’d be on the same page but we weren’t.
I think the biggest lesson I’ve learnt, and if anyone else here goes through the same thing, is to say things when you feel them. I liked him after our third date and I should’ve probably said something or asked about what he was thinking then rather than holding back for the fear of driving him away.
But I’m still glad that I decided to bring it up now rather than let it drag on. I’m pretty sure that if he liked me, regardless of whether we had sex or not, he’d consider my view and would want to see me.
He never replied to my text after I said I wasn’t seeing anyone which is kind of my answer. It would be shameless for him to ask to keep seeing me I think and I definitely won’t be saying yes to that. I think I know what I want now and that’s not it.
I still don’t understand why he was so shady about it, if he was into casual dating. He would’ve never said anything unless I asked. Im pretty sure the other girl he’s seeing doesn’t know about this either.
Anyways, thanks for the advice ladies! I’m going to be taking a break from dating for a while and I hope that once I’m back into it, I don’t have to come back to this forum haha
Elle
Update – sorry about this but it just doesn’t seem to end.
So after the chat about seeing other people I outright asked him what he thought about seeing me- was it just casual or did he want to keep seeing me?
He said he wasn’t sure about what he wanted because of some issues (which I already know about) and asked what I want.
I told him if he wants me to stay then he has to stop seeing other people but if he’s not sure about seeing me then that’s fine cause I’m not staying. I told him to just tell me straight up.
He said he needs some time to think and that he’ll get back to me after the weekend (he works 12 hour shifts on the weekend).
I told him okay- but I don’t plan on waiting after that.
He then started asking about how I had been……
Melissa
Wow I would have sworn we were dating the same man until you said he works 12hr shift on the weekends LOL.
Elle
What did you do? I’m so confused right now.
Pam
You did what a typical woman does after sex. You have expectations for more. If he admits to seeing other women and does not volunteer on his own to see only you? And says he has to think about it? He likely is trying not to hurt you. Plus what are these issues that hold him back? You make it sound like it isn’t a big deal, but if a man has issues and is seeing other people, chances are pretty slim but let us know.
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