The Guy That I Like Bailed On Me and Idk why


Home Forums Did He Lose Interest? The Guy That I Like Bailed On Me and Idk why

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  • #392960 Reply
    Haley

    Hello Good Afternoon Ladies,

    I’ve been dating this guy for about 4 months now. We’re not in an exclusive relationship but we hang out alot and always have a great time and I really like him. We usually have date nights every Friday because that’s the only day when we’re both free. This past weekend we didn’t have our usual date night because he hung out with guy friends because he hasn’t seen in awhile. We talked for a bit while he was out but nothing major. The next day which was Saturday I didn’t hear from him until that night and he asked what I was doing and I responded by saying “Just watching tv, what are you doing?” He never responded which is so unlike him. I called him like 3 hours later, no answer. Later that night I was scrolling down my TL on Instagram and I noticed that he uploaded a pic and he was at the bowling alley with a group of people. The next day he didn’t return my phone and I haven’t heard from him since Saturday. We usually talk at least once or twice everyday. What did I do wrong? Is he no longer interested? We’ve never had any arguments or disagreements and I’m just confused because he’s gone missing and he hasn’t reached out to me.

    #392961 Reply
    Ashley

    you didn’t do anything wrong, he was just busy with other things. guys do that all the time. don’t worry about it & don’t mention it to him or he will see it as you’re being needy/clingy

    #392964 Reply
    talllady

    He might be gone, he might not be. It does not sound like you did anything wrong. Some core learnings:

    A. Never contact a man more than once. One text, one response, and certainly not followed up by a call.
    B. If you are not exclusive by 2-3 months, you are not going to be, and should not continue seeing someone under those circumstances if you want a committed relationship. Men who want to be your boyfriend, act like a boyfriend quite soon.
    C. If a man you were seeing for 4 months disappears without a trace, he is an asshole. You deserve a proper breakup (if that is what he is doing) after 5 dates…

    Do not contact him again. If he goes away for more than 2-3 days, you can decide if that is ok with you or not.

    #392966 Reply
    missday

    I know it’s gonna eat away at you until you know what’s going on but refrain from trying to get in touch with him. He knows how to get a hold of you and needs some space to think. Let him miss you. He will either come running back to you or you’ll have your answer that he’s not that interested anymore. Sometimes men are flaky. Just breathe and keep yourself occupied. Best of luck!

    PS keep us updated!

    #392969 Reply
    Flower

    Look at it from a reverse situation, if he was the one telling you ‘just watching tv, what about you?’ and you would ‘dare’ not to respond, would he go all crazy? Would he call you? Would he be biting his nails looking for an answer why? I doubt so..instead, he would Have gone about his daily busy life, gone out with the guys, play video games, whatever. And, it would Have YOU wondering, why is he not wondering? And maybe made you rethink your choice of not replying. That is why we only send one text, and no more, and certainly we do not ‘reward’ his behavior of not replying with giving him attention of another call (unless Its for the purpose of logística). it only shows who is the more relaxed one in your ‘relationship’, who s got the upper hand. Drop him dead, like he didnt existed, Dont give him the time of the day.

    #393065 Reply
    Aries

    Hes either taking a step back.
    or trying to get u to take a step back.
    or testing if your neediness will come out.
    or he has another female to distract him at the moment.

    Its not anything you’ve done. Just relax and in the meantime do not contact him.

    #393077 Reply
    Panda

    1st of all, stop looking at his social media. If you have to unfollow him, or block him then unblock so you guys aren’t following each other do it! I did this with someone to see if they would hit my phone without them coincidentally texting me after a posted an IG photo and it worked. They were busy on a trip and they were used to hit me up the day they got back like usual asked me why I haven’t hit them up and I acted as if I was busy. (I kind of was but wasn’t). That’s besides that, look you have to cut all the petty crap out with the social media and be an adult. He is busy. Guys get sidetracked. There is a reason we call them dogs. They literally have an attention span like a dog. They like going out with the guys and they will probably do that first most the time. They want to feel like they can do that whenever they want because they don’t want tied down. Don’t call him if he doesn’t text back. Just do something else. If you think about him the next day text or call like usual ask him what he ended up doing the night before to show your interest and move on. Guys are naturally are not going to work as hard because he has already been dating you. He already got you to like him now he can relax. Let him relax, you relax and you both will relax.

    #393130 Reply
    Snow

    I’m going through a similar situation as you with a guy not really responding to my texts/calls… It’s been several days since we’ve last talked and I completely understand all the anxiety and nervousness you may be feeling. I’m also not exclusive with the guy I’m dating right now either…

    I’ve been told the same thing by the people I’ve talked to and it’s just to not think about him for now. Give him space — he might be busy with school, work, family, friends, etc, and with you constantly texting and calling him, it might just bother him more. You also have to understand that guys don’t see the whole texting thing the same way as us girls do… We see it as one of our main forms of communication. If our girlfriends don’t text back within the hour, something weird is up. But with guys, they may not see texting in the same way and for you to hold a constant back-and-forth can be kind of tiring. I had that whole “okay but how long does it really take to send a text”, and while for us, a minute is nothing.. for guys, they may see that obligation as a lot. It’s nothing about them or us, its just how different genders see the situation. Plus, as girls, we tend to overthink and become paranoid.

    Just give him some space… like some other people said, he knows how to get a hold of you. It honestly could be nothing! You did absolutely nothing wrong! And if he is losing interest in you, I hope he has the decency to formally tell you.

    I suggest waiting another week and seeing if he contacts you? If not, maybe shoot a quick text like “hey, missing you” and ask to meet in person to discuss. I think because you’re also not “official”, he doesn’t feel the obligation to constantly text you?

    Please keep us updated! I would love to know how it works out with you, especially since I’m going through a very similar situation.

    #393270 Reply
    Haley

    Hey guys thanks for the advice. Well I’m back with an update and I’m more confused now than ever. He texted me last night and this was his exact words. “Respect me for not stringing you along more than needed, or for playing with your heart and feelings.” “Respect me for being honest and true, take care!” I didn’t even respond I just blocked his number because I didn’t understand what he meant. Those statements were so vague. I was under the impression that everything was great with him and I. Like I said before we’ve always had good times together, never a bad or dull moment. He told me he had been single for a year and a half and he wasn’t dating anyone seriously. I think he was lying to me the entire time, and maybe he had a girlfriend, or an old thing came back into his life. What do you ladies think?

    #393272 Reply
    Haley

    I’m kind of happy that I didn’t become intimate with this guy because I would feel much worse. I’m a little sad about it because I did become attached to him because we hung out every single weekend and I would be happy to spend time with him. At least I know now what he thinks and I’m no longer guessing.

    #393277 Reply
    Lane

    Hi Haley,

    He’s trying to tell in the nicest way possible that he’s no longer interested in seeing you. What he’s saying is to please respect him for not taking it further where your heart could have been more hurt than it is now if he continued seeing you knowing it wasn’t going to end in a relationship.

    Its good that you didn’t sleep with because trust me it would hurt three times more than what your feeling now. Just let him go, move on, start dating again and try not to invest in one guy until he’s pretty sure how he feels about you and expresses it to you, until then you are a FREE AGENT who should be dating other guys and CHOOSING only the one who’s putting in A LOT more effort than this one did :-)

    #393296 Reply
    talllady

    Is that a breakup? I can’t even tell. What a self serving jackass!

    You are doing the right thing, block him and erase his number. He’ll get the bad karma he has wroute. Sorry! Hugs…

    #393318 Reply
    Ivy

    Haley, What he meant was that the two of you wouldnt end up in a relationship and he didn’t want to string you along and he hoped you would respect him for ending it.

    Next time don’t let yourself get so emotionally attached to a man that doesn’t step up and make you his girfriend in 4 months. That in itself says, this isn’t serious. Actually, I do respect him for ending it and being honest. Sure it hurts, but being strung along when a guy has no intentions of making you his girfriend is way worse. He really did you a favor, he’s not your guy, he’s not wasting your time anymore, it’s quite honorable considering the men who lie to girls for sex or even just companionship and really string them along.

    Then next time around I would learn that I had to ask a guy earlier than 4 months what he was looking for, a relationship or not and if I saw a guy was being more casual with me, not asking to be exclusive by 4 months is very casual then I’d start asking myself if this was going anywhere or not.

    Oh and kudos to you for not getting intimate cause then you would be more hurt.

    The good news is your guy is still out there and now you are free to find him. Yay!!!

    #393325 Reply
    Haley

    I get what you guys are saying but why now? Why does he all of a sudden decides that he wants to be honest and so called “not” string me along when clearly he’s been doing that for 4 months. It just doesn’t make sense to me.I don’t feel like he was being honest with me from the beginning but I guess it doesn’t even really matter at this point.

    #393339 Reply
    Lane

    Haley, I would not make that assumption. He liked you or he wouldn’t of spent that much time with you, he just wasn’t envisioning you in his future, which is OK, that’s what the dating process is about. I have let guys go even after we were in a relationship for many different reasons from them being TOO SERIOUS, some being defective (liars, cheaters), or we just weren’t a good match in the way a couple needs to be.

    Don’t worry about the WHY, just be thankful he didn’t waste any more of your time and now free to find the man you’re truly meant to be with :-) This is not a reflection on YOU, because there’s a guy out there who WILL LOVE ALL your qualities and traits and it will be clear as day! :-) When dating, one or both parties at anytime can change their mind for whatever reason; no differently than you may have reasons to avoid a friend, change jobs, or move to a different apartment complex. Whatever your reasons for doing is because your choosing whats best or right for YOU…same concept.

    #394110 Reply
    Zoe

    He sounds like a douche bag. Haley you deserve so much better than to be treated like this.

    Block him, don’t ever contact him, move onto new and better things (and guys).

    Why do boys do this? I have a lot male friends and some are major players, and they’ve all said this “because the guy is insecure/immature and because they can.” As simple as that. So don’t be the nice girl that gets taken advantage of.

    I’m guessing it wasn’t something you did, but because he probably wasn’t seriously the whole time and just wanted to feel “liked” by someone to boost his ego. To protect yourself so you don’t end up obsessing over him, best to let it go and move on. The more time and energy you spend by thinking and analyzing what went wrong or why did he do this or not do that, the harder it will be for you to move on – and the more bitter you will become.

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