The behavior of my ex "almost boyfriend"


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This topic contains 2 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  mell 5 months, 3 weeks ago.

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  • #790562 Reply

    Fillipa

    I was in my first year of college, he was in fourth year and we didn’t know each other.

    We accidentally started talking on Facebook and it was great. However, both of us had personal problems to deal with due to past relationships and we stopped talking and said we’ll get back in touch when we’ll feel better.

    One month later, after having sorted our things out, we started talking again and he asked for my number. After a few days, I asked him out for coffee and we met. It was magical. Before meeting him, I didn’t believe in the “love at the first sight”, “chemistry” or “goosebumps” stuff. It lasted around two hours and it was the first time I felt that a guy was genuinely interested in me. He confessed that he had chronical depression and was followed by a therapist, and that he wanted to take his time.

    But precisely one week after we met, I received an admission offer from a top university, abroad. It was cristal clear that I will have to move away. When I told him about that, I also decided to tell him that I was starting to have real feelings for him and that I was sad because of the situation. He congratulated me and also reciprocated the thing, telling me he liked me too.

    He didn’t want to try long distance at all because that was precisely the reason why he broke up with his ex and told me that I better find someone else close to my place. I got frustrated but calmed my emotions because the truth was that we barely knew each other. We told each other that we’ll keep in touch and we went no contact for 2 months.

    I was slowly getting over him when he suddenly texted me four weeks ago. He asked me how I’m doing and we texted a few messages back and forth but he totally ignored my last message. He didn’t even click on the convo. I don’t understand why, because we appreciate each other and he is a really nice guy. Plus, he knows that I’m extremely emotional and that I can see him active on social medias.

    What should I do? It hurts a lot and I just feel crazy for getting emotional because of that.

    #790569 Reply

    kaye

    You’ve met this guy ONCE! He’s chronically depressed, and you’ve built up some fantasy in your head about this chemistry you had. The truth is a relationship with a depressed person isn’t easy. They don’t always feel like talking and replying back to you. The fact you’re getting extremely emotional over him not responding back to a message is EXACTLY why this guy doesn’t want a long distance relationship with you!!  If you can’t keep this guy as a friend while you are gone to school abroad then ask him not to contact you or block him. The fact is you’re on here creating a post for something that happened 4 WEEKS ago because you can’t get over it. You need to move on. This guy is practically a stranger and you’re letting him mess with your head and life.  

    #790637 Reply

    mell

    You guys dated once. Let me tell you, there’s a lot more to chemistry than a nice first date – you honestly don’t know how suited you’d be if you continued together – it’s just too early to tell. We all know so little about a partner in the first month – there’s really no guarantee it would work out just because it started promising. So be careful of reading too much into any budding relationship.

    The problem is this:
    you’ve both had issues you need to fix – that may well make each other’s mental health problems worse. You both need to do what you can to look after yourselves before you are well enough to take the stress of dating.

    You’re abroad. He doesn’t want long dstance. You have feelings for each other. Contacting each other is just drawing out the pining you are going through. Either chose to date, or don’t. If you can honestly stay platonic friends with him, that’s fine. But if every time he writes to you, you’re going to ahve a major reaction then keeping him as a friend will not be healthy for you.

    If you can’t be friendly with him without getting really upset, then don’t try to be friends. Let him know why. And let him know that if the situation changes, you’d be up for reconsidering. But don’t pine for someone or torture yourself because rhey don’t reply.

    This isn’t a propriotionate response to being ghosted by somoene you went on 1 date with months ago. That’s a sign you’re really involved, but that may be something you need help to work through.

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