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- This topic has 28 replies and was last updated 3 years, 1 month ago by
Jess.
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Newbie
Vera, i asked you the question if you would listen to the advice given and act accordingly. Because i was curious. This guy lied to you over and over, sweet talked you onto quick sand and youre still inclined to give him another change. Why? He is not made out of honey, you know. He is just a guy struggling with his divorce which may take a decade for him to get over. But right now he wants the company of sweet nurse nightingale who is easy to please. Do things that are good for you.
AngieBaby
Tell him to contact you when he can show you a final divorce decree. (He won’t… he’s looking for a security blanket and when he realizes you aren’t going for it, he will vanish and it’s highly unlikely you’ll ever hear from him again. And on the off chance he ever contacts you again, make sure you see that decree.)
This had no chance of working to start with and still has no chance. He senses you have weak boundaries, so he’s trying again because he knows there’s a good chance you’ll fall for more of his BS.
Please spend your time and energy on raising your self worth. A man like this shouldn’t even be attractive to you.
AngieBaby
I’d also like to say that once a guy shows you he’s a liar, and lies about significant things like filing for divorce, you need to see it for what it is and walk. I went through this once and I won’t do it again. I realized over time a guy I was involved with lied about all kinds of things, big and small. You never know what someone like that is doing behind your back, and believe me, he or she IS doing s*** behind your back. You have to have zero tolerance for that or you disrespect yourself. I learned that the hard way. After giving him the benefit of the doubt many times, I realized I was ignoring a clear pattern and fooling myself. He was a decent guy on a lot of other levels, but ultimately… did I not think I deserved someone who told the truth instead of manipulating the facts (and me) for his own selfish purposes?? That was a real wake-up call for me.
Use this experience to raise your standards!! You’re worth it.
Jess
Hi Vera,
Personally, if a guy is still legally married, I would be put off by that because he would still be sorting his sh*t out with his ex, and that would make me feel uncomfortable. Yes I am his girlfriend and he can talk to me about his problems, but it would make me feel uncomfortable hearing about an ex. The way he said he wants commitment straight away seems to be a red flag to me because he’s jumping from one relationship to another and using you as a rebound to get over her.
If I was separated but still married, I wouldn’t be dating other people cos I wouldn’t be in a right place to do so, if I did, it would mean I want to casually date and have fun, not be in a committed relationship. Him saying he wants commitment not only shows red flags, but he’s trying to use you to get over his ex.
Hypothetically, even if he was divorced already, is really ready to commit to someone else? It depends on how long he is divorced for really. If it was 3 months, then that’s a red flag, if it was 4 or 5 years, he might be over here, but I would observe his behaviour.
I’ve had to experience before where I naively thought he’s not together with his ex anymore and single, so he’s not cheating on me, but it turned out after 6 months of dating, he would like to try and make it work with his wife.
Hope this is helpful.
Take care and be safe!
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