Simply Interesting

Why have platonic conversation with this guy? Why have any conversation at all? He’s dating another woman and has been stringing you along (and virtually cheating on her by getting sexual with you).

Delete him from your social media & stop talking to him. And for goodness sake don’t reach out for “platonic conversation”. That’s the best way to get over him. It serves no purpose to keep him as a friend and it will hold you back from moving on.

As for him checking up on you over social media, it’s meaningless. It doesn’t mean he cares. Maybe he’s just nosy. Haven’t you ever checked up on someone out of curiosity (an ex, an old hookup) with no intention of it going anywhere? Just block him. It’s clearly messing with your head.

You all have so many valid points. And its ridiculous because I know all of this.

I don’t know why I have still kept in contact with him. I think its the hopeful thought that because he seems so be so interested in my life outside of the relationship. I understand you can’t go by social media, but its hard not to when it keeps happening, you know? I’m just of the mindset that if you’re over someone, you don’t do what he’s doing. You leave them alone and move on. I’m not over him so I get why I’m still connected. I know I have self confidence issues to work on since the circumstances from my last relationship before him.

I doubt I’ll hear from him again, since I gave him the opportunity to correct me and he didn’t. And I HATE that that makes me sad….he doesn’t deserve that sadness. But whatever, c’est la vie right? lol

@Raven

That’s what I want to do! Like LITERALLY the night before I saw the photo of them, he sent a “photo” if you catch my drift and was asking for mine! I feel bad for her if they are in fact dating. But everything is so grey when it comes to what it actually considered dating these days (and I’m not that old!) that I don’t know what’s wrong and right in the matter. If it were me, it would be a deal breaker. And it makes me wonder what he was doing when we dated. It’s just so interesting. And the fact that you can just drop someone like he did with me. I get if you barely know each other, but really dude? Sorry its just turning into a vent session now.

Its all something and nothing. I get why you engage. I have a couple of similar guys i chat to on and off and I myself well enough to know if i engage its purely for attention or ego boost if I’m feeling a bit crappy. I’m sure I’m the same for them.

Sometimes it’s sexual sometimes its real life stuff but I don’t harbour any fantasy about us ending up together and i guess that’s the diffrence in my situation from yours- I know the boundaries and I know its not some love thing or even any real interest on both sides… it’s boredom and ego. they comment on my social media and watch my stories etc but it doesn’t mean anything really… they are just bored, nosy or may be clicked into my stories by accident after watching someone elses.

You seem quite cross with this guy for dating others but you are not in a relationship. he isnt ghosting when he drops off … he has just had his fun. I imagine he sees virtual friendship differently to how you do.

Since you seem invested and the on/off communication is making you feel crappy and confused when he drops off its best you just delete and block him as its not mutually beneficial

@warasen

I guess its a completely personal thing. And whatever works for you is totally cool. I don’t know the dynamic between this new girl and the guy, but from what I can see, it looks like they are together. I don’t think I’d be comfortable sexting with someone outside of my relationship or having my partner do the same. But this is also something that is meaningful in some way to me (I totally get that most opinions differ from this one) and I think that is where my issue is. It’s meaningless to him. But I don’t want to do it if he has a person.

Lala,

Your post is so comforting. I’m sorry that you have had to find yourself on this journey as well. As minuscule as it actually is, its not something the rest of the world takes kindly too. This guy was the first that I disclosed to as well. And I believe that I have formed some attachment based on that fact as well, because he was took it kindly. BUT. You are correct. I have allowed myself to be treated like this because I’m afraid that I have nothing else in store for me in that aspect. I know that there are others out there that find love, but its also scary to be so vulnerable.

I am ashamed that it has made me feel like I am not worthy of more than what he is giving me. But I believe to shows more of his character than mine. I am worth more than to be rejected but then used as a personal virtual bang. Its gross and not nice. But I have also allowed it. Moving forward, I will not tolerate it.

Thank you all for your kind messages and tough love. It’s amazing the community you have here and I appreciate everyone of your responses. <3

@Tallspicy

You are completely correct. I have only ever had one partner and unfortunately it was something that partner didn’t know about. So it was quite an eye opener and life changer when I was diagnosed. Unfortunately, it is genital HSV1 for me so I understood the step back. I wish there was more informative/positive education out there. Because unfortunately until you have it, you don’t realize how little of a deal it can be. But everyone is allowed their opinion and right to protect themselves, so I get it.

But I think the fact that he still tried to get what he can while knowing that he made his choice to reject me without even trying to learn about my situation, is slowly dawning on me about how gross that feels, like being tossed to the side like a toy while some other girl gets the relationship. It makes me feel like trash. I’m taking it as a lesson to grow a bit more confidence and a stronger spine next time.

I am still so baffled by the fact that someone would believe that this behavior is acceptable in any situation and then when confronted, he completely ignores. It’s a shame.

Anne, I’m happy I was able to provide some comfort. I know exactly how you feel about all of this. The vast majority of the population (myself included until I was diagnosed) is hugely ignorant or misinformed about this condition. The absolute worst part about genital herpes (be it HSV1 or HSV2) is absolutely the stigma. The virus itself is really nothing more than a rash at the end of the day, and often one that people experience once and never have symptoms again. The world could benefit from much more education on the subject, yet even as I sit here knowing and feeling this completely, I still myself am not prepared to broadcast my diagnosis all over the place for fear of the shame that others attach to the name. I joke that I could make a great poster child for the face of herpes, and help a lot of people by sharing my experience and knowledge, but due to the stigma, I still feel way to ashamed to admit to people that I once had a rash, that never came back, that nearly 80% of the population share the virus, whether active or inactive. Please know I feel for you and you are not alone.

I completely understand how and why you have found yourself in this situation and it all goes to how you view yourself. I have been going to therapy to deal with this situation, because the feelings and fears that come from it can be all too isolating and traumatizing if you keep it to yourself and don’t work through it. I can understand why you would allow this go on with this man and find yourself in this situation, I just hope you can find the love to demand better. Believe me, I didnt know if I would ever get there, and I’m sure I will have moments where I don’t feel quite so empowered, but please, please know you are worthy of much more than a man that behaves this way.

Stay true to yourself. You did the right thing being honest with this guy and he is now taking advantage of your kindness and honesty. Lots of love to you!

And while it may be good to have some conversation about HSV1 and 2 on this forum, I seriously doubt that anything in this story is about this virus. This is just some shady, flaky man, anything could have been an excuse for him to not take a relationship to a next step. If he was into you, HSV1 wouldn’t have been a problem.