Should I reach out?


Home Forums Dating and Sex Advice Should I reach out?

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  • #943395 Reply
    Clarita

    I (34,f) been dating a man (32) for 3.5 months. We met on an app and after 4 or 5 dates, we had a conversation about what we were both looking for. We were both on the same page about wanting a relationship and wanting to keep seeing each other. He said he really liked me and was enjoying hanging out with me and he could see us growing into something more. I shared the same idea and we continued seeing other, eventually getting physical. We’ve been able to talk about past relationships, communication preferences, and we see each other about once or twice a week. This is due to the fact that he goes hunting on the weekends. He has told me he would be willing to discuss spending a weekend together but we have not talked about it yet. We have
    not had the exclusivity talk yet either.
    Now that there’s some background on the situation, we saw each other a week ago on Tuesday. We had planned to see each other again on Thursday but he canceled because he felt he was getting a scratchy throat and wanted to rest in case he was getting sick. I was bummed but understanding, and when I checked in with him on Thursday night to see how he was feeling, he said he didn’t feel sick but just had a tickle in his throat. I texted him with a guy better soon text, and on Friday morning he responded with a like on my message. That is the last time we spoke. When we talked about communication in the past, he said he is not a texter and prefers calling. We talk on the phone pretty regularly and when we don’t talk on the phone we text short check in messages. He has told me he enjoys his alone time and doesn’t always think to call or text people, but that for me he would be willing to call or text more frequently. I appreciated his responsiveness when I expressed my need to have some sort of communication at regular intervals. I said I was fine with phone calls and ocasisonal texts it didn’t have to be daily. He had been calling or texting every other day or so, but now it’s been 4 days without a peep and I’m starting to worry. Has he lost interest? What is going on? Is he okay? I know he was hunting and other weekends he sends at least one or 2 texts with a pic just to say hi. Part of me wants to text or call him but I also want to wait and see what happens? I don’t want him to think I don’t care, but I also feel like I’m just giving him space? I’m so scared that he’s going to stop taking to me, but I know that rationally he’s gonna do what’s he gonna do regardless. I guess I’m just looking for reassurance and see what other perspectives there are. Should I reach out or just lean back and give him space?

    #943399 Reply
    Raven

    You say, You’re scared… Maybe anxious is a better term?

    I think you have better things on the horizon.

    #943400 Reply
    Ewa

    from my own experience… he lost interest , men usually know about 3-4 months if they want to progress the relationship or not.
    Feel free to reach out but he won’t respond or he will give you some lame excuse why he was quiet and then he will go quiet again.
    This is the ‘beauty’ of dating these days…

    #943402 Reply
    Michelle

    Don’t make assumptions. Don’t overthink it. Just send him a text and ask if he’s free for a phone call. Talk on the phone and see how it goes. Schedule your next date.
    If he doesn’t respond to your text, or gets on the phone but won’t schedule your next date, then you have your answer. But don’t waste your energy on overthinking this – take action!

    #943412 Reply
    Khadija

    I agree with Ewa, looks like he’s pulling away. Things at this point should be exclusive. I wouldn’t reach out, see how things pan out.

    #943413 Reply
    AngieBaby

    I don’t agree with Michelle at all. Ewa called it. Don’t reward 4 days of no contact with chasing him. He knows how to find you. Sounds like you’ve gotten ahead of him as to where this is going or you wouldn’t be looking for reassurance. You weren’t exclusive so leave him alone. Women too often take pretty words early on about commitment and a relationship too seriously. It’s just talk and I have come to find too much future talk off-putting. Good guys don’t do that. I think he’s probably gone, sorry to say. Begging off a date and then disappearing is a crappy thing to do but happens all the time. One thing – if a man says he’s sick, let him be sick in his man cave, you don’t have to check on him. That’s what his mother would do, don’t be his mom. Also, hold off on the physical until you know it’s fully exclusive and you will be a lot less likely to get ahead of him and to get hurt.

    #943416 Reply
    Clarita

    Hey all- thanks for the help! I did call him last night but he didn’t pick up. I thought about not reaching out at all, but I felt okay about giving it one last shot and him not picking up is an answer in itself. It sucks that this is how it ended, however I am glad I got to see him for who he really is before things went further. At this point, I’m done with him. Number deleted and moving on. In the future I will take your advice and hold off on getting physical which I do believe made me feel more attached. Thanks so much everyone!

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