Should I continue with him or go


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This topic contains 6 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Sara 1 month, 1 week ago.

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  • #929844 Reply

    Mayo

    Hi All,

    I was wondering with has experience with dating a lawyer?

    So I met this guy online about 1,5 month ago and we went on 2 dates (due to corona we could meet earlier). He’s a lawyer that makes crazy hours over up to 85h p/w. During the 2 dates it has been very nice and chill, but I felt like he was losing interest as in the beginning he called 2-3x a week and after the 1e date it became less as he got assigned extra case of 30h extra per week. Between the 1&2e date we only texted logisitics, which is fine with me as I knew I would see him again. However, after the 2e date we havent set a new date and didnt talk for 4 days as he’s very busy (but I do see him online on the dating app). So I texted him I wanted to hear his voice

    I talked with him about what his communication style is and he said he’s very busy but I can always call if I want to connect, but as his works comes 1e his texting/calling will not change. Somehow (eventhough I wasnt intending to) I asked him how he would see a relationship. He basically said he wouldnt change a thing and isnt willing to take his SO needs into account. He had 8h p/w freetime which he is oke with being flexible, but thats it. The contradicting part is he said it’s up to me to decide if I’m willing to keep up with this and that atm he doesnt care if we become a situationship/ fwb or casual with possible more.

    My question is: is it normal for lawyers to be so specific with what they’re willing to put in when dating someone? I’m not a girl who needs attention all the time but 1x a phonecall/text per 2-3days I find reasonable. Should I tell him I’m oke with having to confine to his schedule (is this request normal when dating a lawyers) or should I stop our dating?

    #929847 Reply

    Maddie

    This has nothing to do with him being a lawyer. It has to do with him being a workaholic and not looking to prioritize his relationships in any way. He told you how he is, which is busy and selfish and he likes it that way, so believe what he said. If you’re looking for an actual romantic relationship with anything resembling equal partnership and long-term potential, look elsewhere. I’d personally leave, and very quickly.

    #929848 Reply

    Raven

    Why would you agree to something like this?

    #929849 Reply

    AngieBaby

    And now you see why the wives of guys like this run off with the yoga instructor or fitness trainer. These guys may make a lot of money but they’re never around. I had a friend who was married to a man like this who was making several million a year. They had a couple of houses and fancy cars and all that, but she eventually left because she was so lonely.

    I don’t see why any woman in her right mind would agree to this schedule or want to be with someone this self absorbed. Maddie called it – this guy is a workaholic. There are other professions in which men behave the same way, it’s not just lawyers.

    #929850 Reply

    Rox

    You definately could do better.
    If you need to go on a 3rd date to convince yourself, ask him out for the next date and see how it goes. What do you like about him?

    #929851 Reply

    Mayo

    Thank you for the insight everyone!
    @ maddie: I never intended to ask what kind of relationship this was or would be as its only the 2e date and like he pointed out he doesnt know me too wel yet to know what he thinks this would be (rela/situation/fwb), same accounts for me. I know I want to date (casual) with the openess for something more and not go for fwb or situationship, I’m still deciding if I want more from him as it’s in my opinion also still to early to make this decision.

    I asked this question as I saw a similar question posted about 5 years ago. The dates are not that impressive as he mainly is free in the evenings and in my country we have a lockdown where everything closes at 5, so not much to take on outside of the house, but I like them

    @rox, thank you for your advice! I like that he’s ambitious and I’m oke with him making the hours. Also during the dates and the calls its very comfortable talking to him (if we see/ call each other they are intense with calls being atleast 3h and dates 7-8h).

    I initially asked him about his communication style as what I’m not oke with/ want is for him to text/ reach out a bit more between the dates

    #929932 Reply

    Sara

    Move on from this guy. He has no time for you. I once dated a lawyer and had the same problem. Unfortunately I tolerated the excuse and kept getting upset at his unavailability.

    It won’t change I’m afraid. These guys make lots of $ but they pay a price- people leaving due to their neglect. If work is their primary passion, so be it. They are not bad people. This type of dude has different priorities than us. We prioritize relationships- they don’t.

    If you are OK with him occasionally getting back to you on a whim, go for it. Otherwise, it’s best to find someone who isn’t obsessed with work.

    Good luck!

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