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Michelle.
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Michelle
This isn’t a post about dating. It kind of puts things into perspective, being upset over a unreturned text or a phone call or guy that didn’t work out. When it comes down to it, what is truly important and meaningful to you. At least for me.
I lost my little girl this weekend. She was a 12 year old Corgi named Ginger. She was my world. Saturday morning I had to make the horrific decision of letting her go. She is with her sister now. In a blink of an eye, my whole world changed. My source of happiness, love and comfort, taken from me. I couldn’t bear to see her in pain and suffer and go through more tests and xrays and bloodwork. She wasn’t eating and was having difficulty breathing. I know in my heart it was the best for her, but not me. I am beyond broken. I am lost, heartbroken and devastated. Everywhere I look there she is, but I can’t touch her. I see her sleeping in her beds, in a doorway, drinking at her water bowl, walking down the hallway, hearing the click clack of her nails like little high heels. And yet the world is still spinning, everyone is going about their day, but my world has imploded. How can I go about a routine and get distracted when she was my everything? I was with her all the time, especially with the pandemic. She was my rock when I lost her sister two years ago. My buddy, my best friend, and now she’s gone somewhere I can’t go.
I miss her so much, it has been two days but has felt like a lifetime already. I don’t know how I am going to get through these days, the next hour, the next minute. I can’t catch my breath. I never in a million years thought Saturday was the day, that things would turn out the way they did, that I wasn’t bringing her home from the vet. I knew her prognosis wasn’t the best but I thought I had more time, I hoped I wouldn’t have to be the one to make the decision. I am glad I was with her but I am riddled with guilt. Will she ever forgive me? Does she know how much I love her? That I never would have let her go if she had quality of life and not a long road of pain ahead of her?
I miss my little girl so much. I know some will say she was just a dog but I know there are sympathetic posters on here who always offer helpful advice. Any words of comfort or help would be appreciated. I can’t stop crying, I can’t stop the what if’s and just wish I had been able to save her. I hate myself for the days I spent crying over a guy or a relationship that didn’t work. I should have used that time better. Should have focused that back to her, she was important. She was and is worth crying over. She is irreplaceable. I have to be strong for my other dog but god knows how I will do that.
ANM StaffKeymasterThank you for sharing. You have my heartfelt condolences. She’s gone over the rainbow bridge now.
I play the part of “moderator” on the forum, so I don’t often comment on my own personal goings-on. But I too have a dog who is of a similar age as Ginger, and his progression into his elderly years is becoming apparent. I gave him an extra hug tonight, for Ginger. I know how you feel — our friends are irreplaceable.
She knew how much you loved her. She knows you’ve always done the best for her. You got to be with her through the end.
You can only take it one day at a time. You’ll be strong for your other dog, who I’m sure will grieve for Ginger too. Share some extra hugs with your other dog too.
Michelle
Thank you for the kind words and hugs, I appreciate it. Maybe in time I will be able to forgive myself but right now all I can do is cry and miss her. I wish you many more days with your pup, hold him close and tell him every day how much you love him.
Raven
I’m sorry about your pup 💔
Mary
I’m sorry. May you find peace.🦋
Donna
I’m so sorry about Ginger. I know exactly how you feel. I lost the best cat in the world that I loved for 10 years, suddenly and unexpectedly and was absolutely devastated. I didn’t think I would ever be happy again. It is now 20 years later and the pain has passed, but not my wonderful memories. Believe it or not, time does help. What also helps is, when you’re ready, adopting another little buddy. There are so many dogs and cats in shelters that would love a fur mom like you!
M
I’m so sorry Michelle, I can only imagine how hard it must be. Cry, let yourself feel the pain, it’s important to grieve and let yourself feel the multitude of conflicting emotions you’re going through.
Yes of course she knew you adored her. And her time came to pass on from this dimension, just as we all will at some stage in the future. It wasn’t your fault and you have nothing to feel guilty about.
The truth is, there was nothing you could do to have prevented this from happening. Can you imagine if you had chosen not to let her go? You would have still had her through beyond Saturday in body, but the suffering she would have had to endure would have been nothing other than pure selfishness and cruelty on your part.
Sometimes, like now, the kindest thing we can do for the ones we love, is to let them go. Even when we want to hold on to them and make them ours forever in a way that serves us, to do so would be an abomination of the love we feel for them.
So cry Michelle, feel your pain and the full weight of your loss, because underlying that there is an even deeper river of pure love for her that will flow through to eternity where you and she exist beyond time and beyond form.
And when you’ve finished crying, take some time to celebrate her life and all the magic she brought to you and everyone else whose life she was a part of.
Love is eternal and who she is, who you are at your core, nothing can destroy, hurt or change that. Not even death. I believe she will feel your love wherever she is in this mystical universe we exist in, and you will always be a part of her as she is of you.
Times and forms ebb and flow, but you are so much richer for her having been a part of your life and you will always always always have this to look back on and be grateful for and no one or nothing can take it away from you.
Look after yourself. It’s important. She would want that too right? She would want to see you happy and relaxed, and in whatever dimension she exists in now (one where she is free of her physical sufferings) she still loves you and wants the best for you.
Let yourself cry and mourn her, and then celebrate and rejoice her. And let the people who love you give you comfort too. And feel proud of yourself that you did what was best for her above all else. This is true love, the highest form.
Sending you love and hugs and best wishes friend 😘❤️💖💛
Michelle
Thank you so much for the kind words. I will reread them when the tears come, and they do. 12 days in and it still doesn’t feel real, in disbelief. I miss my little girl so much, it will always be hard but I am so lucky to have been able to call myself her momma. She is, was and will always be my heart.
Thanks again.
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