Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › Says He Does't Want Anything Serious.. Bur Do I?
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Raven.
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Cara Fischetti
So for the past month or so I have been talking to this boy who I met on a dating app… yeah I know red flag already but I’m in college and that’s really the only way to meet people here. Anyway, we have been talking and hung out for the first time together last night, which I thought was just going to be a friendly hangout, but we ended up making out and getting physical WHICH I WAS NOT EXPECTING but actually enjoyed??
We both just got out of relationships with people who mean a lot to us, and he was quite upfront saying he didn’t want anything “serious” but also not just a hookup? What does that even mean?? It seemed to me like he might have just been looking for a FWB but still be actual friends? I AM CONFUSED and want to know before I invest anymore time in this boy.
ThanksSensy
Is your college co-ed? If so, I would be patient for the right guy to step into your life who is also a student at your college. The current guy is just trying to cause you confusion and yes he wants fWB. Shut the door because the way the Universe works is you are saying no to FWB and allowing the right guy to step in.
Raven
College is the PERFECT place to meet a guy!
Get involved in campus activities,
Sit by someone new in the cafeteria,
Talk to the people sitting next to you in your classes,At this point in your life, if you’re looking for guys online, you’re wasting your time…
J
“So for the past month or so I have been talking to this boy who I met on a dating app… yeah I know red flag already”
Not entirely a red flag at all. I have friends and family who have partners/married/kids from online. I mean, you are on a dating site, so do I judge you to be a red flag? No. Stop going onto these sites with a misconception that every male online is a red flag. That’s how you end up always finding bad men. There are MANY good men online, just as there are bad. Its about having a filter and being vigilant to whom you allow to become part of your life.
There is no difference to a man you meet at a bar, to a man you meet online – the semantics are the same, they are both strangers you know nothing about.
“he didn’t want anything “serious” but also not just a hookup?”
In my viewpoint, you either have serious or casual. He has expressed that he isn’t keen for serious. Believe him. A man who wants you, will never tell you he doesn’t see you long term. What this means is, he doesn’t see long term in you, he doesn’t want one random hook up, but hes down with sleeping with you on and off for awhile until he’s ready for or finds, someone else. Do not go into this if you like him and want more than a casual thing.
anon
He just wants a regular source of sex is what he means. There is no sugar coating it. When he gets in the mood, he wants a girl he can hit up, spend a little time with and have sex with while investing minimal effort in communication/effort. If this is what you want, go forward.
If what you want is to go on dates with a guy without it getting heavy into a relationship, this is unlikely to work.
A
He can’t have his cake and eat it too. You have to decide if you are ok with him using you for sex. If not, then tell him that you are looking for a relationship eventually and if he’s not on the same page, then you are going to find someone who is. If he likes you in the least, he won’t let you walk away because no guy wants a girl they like ******* other dudes. Then you’ll have your answer. What’s good about doing this now is it is much easier for you to walk away because you don’t have feelings yet.
Dangerouse
Hes a young guy, he likes women. Give you two a chance to get to know each other.
You both have a massive sex drive. So getting physical is inevitable.
He said he doesn’t want serious. But he is looking and he may well fall for the right girl.
You just don’t know each other well enough yet. Is he the right guy, and are you the right girl?
That’s about 38% odds.
So if he talks and communicates in a respectful way to you, go ahead and find ways to spend time together and get to know him in a non sexual atmosphere.
Like daytime dates.
I’m not saying he’s out for sex. I’m saying at your ages, sex is just so irresistible.
And it goes without saying, al physical contact with him will send your hormones through the roof and your brain will tell you that you’re in love and you will forget about school.
So take it slow.
Bottom line, take your time getting to know him. There is zillion others out there.
Dangerouse
The thing is, he met YOU on a dating site.
Who knows what he is looking for.
Best thing is to not text him too much and observe. Is he is interested in doing things just to spend time with you, planning real date, etc..
OR, does he start texting sexual stuff
Since you got physical on the first date, he may assume you are a typical Tinder hookup girl.
So you have to let him know who you are.
Meaning, don’t blab on and on via text with him. Be a woman. Either he speaks respectfully, and sees you in person with, or you look elsewhere.
Raven
This is not about him… It’s about You.
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