Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › Romance Turned Friendship with Ex’s Roomate
- This topic has 6 replies and was last updated 2 years, 3 months ago by
Liz Lemon.
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Cat
I met my ex’s roommate 1.5 years ago when he moved in. There was definitely attraction and we hooked up within 3 months. My ex found out and freaked out so his roommate stopped talking to me. A few months later we started talking and hanging out a lot again (but no hook up). My ex again found out and told him he needed to stop talking to me or he’d be kicked out – so he bro-coded me again. Now he’s back talking to me everyday and wanting to hang out often, but he’s not putting the moves on me
I like him and want to hook up again. What’s his deal – am I friend zoned since he isn’t trying to hook up with me? Why does he put so much effort into spending time with me (washing my truck, helping me with guy stuff around the house) if he’s not interested in me sexually?
Gaia
Why is your ex dictating anything in your life? Why not ask the man you are interested in? Only he can tell you what he is looking for from you. Consider that he already backed off each time your ex said something.
Cat
My ex has a hardline policy that none of his friends should be interested in me because we have children – so I’m off limits (even though he dumped me after 10 years)!
Raven
Tell the Roommate to stop telling your ex about his personal life…
Cat
We both have little kids that talk so it’s kind of hard to keep it under wraps if we are hanging out. It’s a touchy subject because I can’t tell my kids to not tell their dad if the roommate comes over; that seems deceptive like we are doing something wrong. And I live down the street in the same neighborhood so my ex will drive by and see his vehicle here!
Maddie
It’s not fair of your ex to control who his friends date and don’t date, but ultimately, the roommate has made his choice. He wants to be friends (and roommates) with your ex more than he wants to pursue a relationship with you. Your ex effectively told him to choose, and this is what chose. That’s the important part.
And while I get that it’s unfair and you liked him, the situation still essentially leads to the guy being unavailable to you. So keep moving forward and try to meet new men who have no relationship with your ex and no drama, who are proper adults who make their own decisions and who choose you! Since you have kids, it does sound like you’ll just make your life harder if you try to date one of your ex’s friends when there’s so many other men out there. Keep the ex around in his role as co-parent of course, and otherwise separate the rest of your life from his as much as possible.
Liz Lemon
You met this guy 1.5 years ago. I kind of think if he were that interested in you, he would have moved out, got a new roommate, whatever- so that your ex is not his roommate and he can be more free to date you.
I agree with Maddie, it’s unfair for your ex to control who you date, but the reality is what it is. This guy is choosing to stay roommates with your ex, so it will cause drama if you’re romantically/sexually involved. The best thing is to date guys who are totally unconnected to your ex and are strangers to him, so that your ex is separated from your personal life.
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